For (it seems all) guys –
The telephone is a device used to communicate necessary information in as simple and efficient manner as possible. It is kept in the pocket which, though seemingly very close to the body, has no known osmosis-like effects.
The text message element of recent mobile technology is the male’s preferred method of phone use because it allows for quick communication, without tone, under 160 characters. One can think about something then type and send when ready. Gone is pressure and grammar. Everything is simple, concise, and cannot be interrupted.
Guys use the phone (read: text) to make plans, share very important and timely information, or when it is the undeniably gentlemanly thing to do (we are sick, they need to apologize, someone has died). I’ve experienced and heard of men going through overly communicative phases, but from what I can see it’s not the norm and tends to wane with time. Explanations may inlcude: they understand women and are trying to hook one, they are very bored, they are on crack (and bored).
Men I know how provided the following rationale for why they don’t call like we do:
- They think of us often and with love but can wait to tell us things until they see us (hhmm, waiting – interesting approach)
- They fear calling often early on in a relationship will set a bad precedent that will in turn make us call more (yes, correct)
- They don’t like to slash know how to “chat” (I have no response. I don’t understand)
Some psychiatrist out of Rhode Island once claimed the average woman uses 7,000 words a day and five tones of speech while the average man uses 2,000 words and three tones. “Men are talk-impaired, relatively speaking,” he said.
So it’s not that they don’t want to talk to us on the phone, it’s that the brain-to-mouth-to-phone process does not come easily or often. It’s not that they’re not calling us. They’re not calling anyone.
I recently “stumbled” upon a very juicy piece of gossip regarding a member of one of my closest guy-friends group. It was the kind of gossip you’d steal a conference call line from work to discuss with your entire group of girlfriends. I immediately called my three closest contacts within the group (all guys) to spill the news and find out if it was true.
Three days later one of them got back to me – via email.
And so – in this case it really isn’t us – it’s them. What is us is the complete inability to recognize this, request what’s reasonable, and move the fuck on.
Please let me know if you cannot move on and would like to try a gay best friend.