My dry cleaner offered to set me up

October 24, 2008

A modern meet cute theory

October 24, 2008

An Open Letter to the people who’ve requested I write about their relationship issues so their significant others who read this blog will change

October 24, 2008
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I’m not doing it.

Not only is it a bad idea for you – but it is a bad idea for me.

I more than understand your desperate need to have this problem resolved without you yourself having to take any action. I too wish I had a device to communicate my embedded desires to the people who most need to know (except I sort of do). Bottom line – bad idea.

I know what you’re thinking — if _____ isn’t smart enough to recognize the issue at hand and correct it, they probably won’t realize, after reading the post, that it is about them.

Wrong.

Because if I wrote it – which I won’t – I would use the kind of necessary specifics that would make it abundantly clear I’m talking about ______.

Why can’t I just dance around the topic? Make it a theme not a full-on rant? Pepper it into a post about something else?

Because that won’t get the job done. I’m a results-oriented person. And if what you want is for ________ to initiate sex somewhere other than in front of the TV, you you need to be specific.

I apologize for not being able to help solve your problem. But please understand that I too am at risk. See there’s a slight chance _______ won’t realize it was you who requested the forum on not complaining about one’s mother every fucking day, but she will absolutely know I wrote it.

So I’m sorry, but you’re on your own. I recommend a quick sit-down or maybe an anonymous note. You could also have a mutual friend who you don’t really like address it. Or just break up. That’s probably the best solution really.

I call not it. I’ve got my own stack of issues to weave ever-so carefully into blog posts in an attempt to make the appropriate people pick up what I’m putting down.

Good luck to you.

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