Aluminum Magnolias

June 24, 2009

A Bucket List for Marriage-prep

June 24, 2009

The Love Ledger

June 24, 2009
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(You’re not going to like this.)

They say that if you really want to lose weight you have to write down every single thing you eat in a day.  To save money — keep a detailed list of what you spend.    

Apparently there’s something to the act of getting the truth down on paper that shocks the system into turning things around.
(You see where this is going.)  

Why not, then, a comprehensive tally of every man from the past? The one’s that got away, the one’s that stayed too long, the one’s you thought would call but didn’t – the one’s you didn’t call – a complete love ledger of every lesson learned, or to be…

If you really want to make a change, get out of a rut, figure out where you’re going wrong – don’t you first need a full list of evidence? 

(You do.)

Look at it this way. Making a list of every guy who’s crossed your path (you can narrow it down to decades if it makes matters less suicide-inducing) will either make you feel better about yourself and your past further motivating you to keep doin’ what you’re doin’ or it will leave you so destroyed about the bleak/miserable/awkward facts that you’ll be shamed into change. 

You can’t face the facts without knowing them.  
(I warned you at the top of the post).
Time to write your Love Ledger.

  • Step one:  Purchase alcohol. You’ll need it to get and remain honest and, depending on how things go, pass out.
  • Step two:  Find a calendar. You think you’ll remember all the dates and details but you’ll be drinking so you won’t.
  • Step three: Don’t lie. It’s you and a piece of paper here. If you can’t be honest with yourself about this list then you should talk to a professional (thus proving that making the list works – HA).
  • Step four: Include every last detail. Name. (codes like “ACC Jay” are fine).  Length of “relationship” (you can include what you would say, but should probably also include what he would say…). Nature of “relationship” (“lots of dates” or “mostly sex”). Nature of “relationship” ending (“he stopped called” counts…). Lesson learned, if a lesson was learned (guys divorced for less than 6 months are trouble).
  • Step five:  Make like a detective.  Look for patterns (you always go for self-centered guys).  Note consistencies (you’ve only ever gone on dates with people who’ve asked you out).  Pay attention to weird details (you are only ever dating someone from April to November).  Note: if this is too difficult make someone else like your detective.  You will need another bottle of alcohol if this is the case.
  • Step six: Finish bottle. Let tough love set in. Fold and hide or tear and throw away list. Vow to change ways. Pass out.
  • The next day(s): It’s about being aware of what you do and (hopefully) why you do it.  If the realization is, “shit I’ve never in my life asked someone out” then maybe try that.  If it’s, “Wow, I only date guys who I know through work and then that always ends up getting awkward” stop doing that.  If you get it all down and see that 3 out of the 5 guys who’ve dumped you in the past two years were named Brian”….  Treat it like a budget slash diet.  Note the issues — make some modifications. 
Kindly report any successes or failures back once you’re through.
(That way I can decide if it’s worth it for me to do it.)
Good luck.  Tequila’s best.  


  1. But I don’t get it, what’s the point? How will it make you change? What are we trying to change here? Less men? Trying less to find a man? Please advise!

  2. This sounds Type A, but I made a spreadsheet. (i work in an engineering firm, what do you expect?) But at least you can see the trends. I’ve learned that I date interests (tastes, hobbies, political perspectives), and pay way too little attention to attributes (trustworthiness, arrogance, distant behaviors), and I don’t take enough time learning these things before jumping into “relationships”.

    How’s that for perspective? …and I consider myself quite a normal woman. I learned some lessons tonight.

  3. I’ve only recently started reading your blog and I LOVE IT! I had to leave a comment for this post.

    I had done this activity prior to your suggestion. After my honesty (and minus the alcohol), I found that I date/sleep with the most men around the holidays. As a single 20+ gal I never thought I was being affected by the holidays. But the pattern didn’t lie. It was 3 years strong until I caught on. My holidays are now full of cheer rather than men.

    Take care!

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