Over sharing, analyzing, dwelling, and gossiping is bad for you – especially if you’re a girl. In fairness, the article is based on adolescent girls, but in reality – that’s what we behave like.

According to recent studies covered in today’s NYTimes – excessive talking about problems can contribute to emotional difficulties, including anxiety and depression. Researchers call the frequent, obsessive conversation on the same topic “co-rumination.” I call it my work day.

Of course there’s a difference between self-disclosure (sharing that helps people get to know you and you, yourself) and rumination (re-hashing and dwelling on the same topics with many people). The former is good. The latter gives you ulcers.

The latter can also lead to a scary-though-logical “mental hazard” (their words…) what psychologists call “emotion contagion” or “contagious anxiety.” “One person’s negative thoughts or anxiety can affect another’s mood, sometimes over a long period. Research has shown that people who live with others suffering from depression tend to become depressed themselves.”

Makes perfect sense, unfortunately.

Why though? If people pay for therapy to essentially do just this – air out and re-hash the issues in their life – why is the ability or desire to share that with many people you’re close with problematic?

The article says it best: “It’s like you want to solve a problem whatever it may be, but the advice of one person never satisfies you and you’re constantly on the hunt for more advice…you are looking for empathy and you want someone to feel the way you do. You want your feelings to be justified.”

Right. In these dangerous cases we’re not sharing for the sake of sharing. We’re share in a form of dwelling to get the answer we want/need. We talk it through over and over again until we hear what we want. I’ve done this. It’s not good and doesn’t help.

But what’s a girl to do? Cap sharing of each issue to three friends tops? Make a cut off of one week of dwelling per issue? Two weeks if it’s major?

Apparently it’s not something you can place rules around (ugh). Apparently the best process is to know when you’ve covered everything there is to cover on an issue and gotten to a point of either resolution or stand-still – then stop and move on. Place a moratorium on the convo and stick to it. Identify that it’s over – then end it.

Okay great. So first we’ll learn to do that with conversation and sharing. Then we’ll learn to do that with men. Then with all our extra time we’ll promptly cure cancer and fix Iraq and dismantle the Republican Party.

Excellent.