I’m writing to clear the air around the unfortunate circumstances of our meeting several weeks ago.
See — prior to running into you at The Eldridge I drank two lychee martinis, one Red Bull vodka, two vodka sodas, and some new fitness water that claims to make you feel very sexy on a stomach full of one sushi roll, no avocado. This was coupled with the fact that it was my first night out with a publicist for an article I was writing on how publicists make people famous. That makes me black out Betty and in a scene I have no business in with people who could buy and sell me over lunch at wherever those people have lunch.
So when I met you and acted like I 100% did not know who you were it wasn’t because I was trying to be rude or weird, it’s because said publicist had yet to coach me in the ways of interfacing with a celebrity, while drunk. That lesson came the following day and went something like this:
- Her: So you met John Legend! That’s huge! What did you guys talk about?
- Me: Weeelll…. I think I may have erred.
- Her: What does that mean?
- Me: Made an error.
- Her: Right.
- Me: See I thought it would be better to not be all up on him and his fame and his music and instead pretend I just didn’t know who he was — like maybe I just didn’t recognize him sos to give him the feeling that he can slip in and out of fame because isn’t that what famous people want?
- Her: No.
- Me: Right.
- Her: So you’re saying you introduced yourself to him and then what?
- Me: Then I asked him what his name was?
- Her: Jesus Christ…
- Me: And then I asked him what he did…
- Her: You did not…
- Me: And then when he said, “I’m in the music business,” I said, “In what realm?”
- Her: …how close was I standing to you when this happened?…
- Me: And he said, “performer,” and theeennn I thought maybe this was the wrong approach…
- Her: It was.
- Me: Right.
- Her: Okay, then what?
- Me: Well he sort of turned away so I took that as a clue and just updated by Facebook status, posted a tweet, and snapped a quick BB photo of him before escaping to the bathroom.
- Her: Right. Okay. So we’ll talk about how to fix that for next time.
- Me: Do you think I’ll meet him again?!
- Her: I really hope not.
Clearly I meant no disrespect. It was just star-struck jitters and that sexy-feeling juice
Aside from Debbie Harry who I ran directly up to and hugged and Rider Strong (Sean from Boy Meets World, but you should know that) who I suggested consider a chance from the butt cut, I’ve never had the occassion to chat one-on-one with a celebrity. That’s probably a good thing.
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