Dear – Shani was it? –
I’d like to say that you’ll probably remember me, but I have a feeling it’s more of a definite… You will be very happy to know that my blackberry has suffered absolutely zero issues since we, sorry, you found it…so there’s a positive.
I just wanted to reach out to offer my sincere apologies, again, for the way I handled things the other morning. See, it’s been a particularly stressful month for me. Work has been a circus. I wrote and produced an evening of monologues. I’m involved in this bet with my three sisters where I can’t purchase any article of clothing including shoes and accessories until May 1st. I’m experiencing lower back pains like that of a 60-year-old. The list goes on and on Shani – on and on…
So the other morning when I came in to purchase my medium-cinnamon-coffee-with-milk, all that and more was weighing on my mind. In fact I was en route to the office – on a Saturday – dealing with a barrage of texts from friends in town while fully hating whatever this-old-thing outfit my no-new-clothes-bet forced me to wear. I mean, you can imagine the mindset Shani; you’ve had bad days slash months too, right?
Anyway – to my point – I had no right to imply that you stole my blackberry to sell on the underground, smart phone market – nor to soap box-it on the existence of said market and my guesses at the kind of profit ring you could be running from your post at the Dunkin…
When my blackberry went missing after my transaction with you at the counter, I just didn’t know what to think. I checked my coat, I checked my hoodie, I checked my bag, I checked all around the store – a dozen times at least. And then if I remember correctly you either offered to or I made you check all those same places plus a box of Munchkins’ you’d prepared for the customer right behind me. I mean, can we say employee of the month! (just real quick ’cause I know we’ve been through this a few times, but I really do still think I could have left the phone on the counter, you accidentally picked it up and thrown it into the tray of chocolate munchkins and it then ended up in that very patient ladies’s box.)
It was my complete and utter frustration around the bizarro disappearing act of my technological life-line that, frankly, drove me to a level of rudeness of which I am ashamed. Like I said to the team of construction workers who graciously gave my purse a thrice-over – without that blackberry I may as well have turned around, re-climbed my four flights of stairs, and crawled back into bed – forever! So please know that when I said, “well, it’s just you and me in here, and all of Greenwich Village has confirmed that the phone’s not on me, so you tell me what I’m supposed to think?!” it wasn’t meant to be a formal accusation. I didn’t even fill out the employee complaint form I demanded you get me! Remember? I ripped it up before your very eyes and threw it right in the trash can – right that same magically trash can where you discovered my blackberry!!
I know what you’re thinking – “maybe if you’d trusted me when I said, ‘Miss, could it be you threw your phone away when you put your sugar in the coffee?’ we wouldn’t have had to go through all that rigamarole. And it’s true – had I listened to your sound logic we’d have saved 20, maybe 30 minutes and avoided my having to hide from some neighbors who saw this go down for the rest of my life. Which is why I appreciate you taking matters into your own hands as I stormed about the store potentially mumbling the address of other less criminally involved Dunkin Donut locations to all the customers who entered. You had the idea to take out the garbage and pick through it looking for my phone, which you personally did after I refused, which is why when you found it I ran across the street to the team of construction workers and sang your praises, correcting my previous statement about the quality of the Dunkin vs. Starbucks coffee bean. For the record, the concept of “blood beans” is not out of the question… They promised to remain your loyal customers.
Shani – sometimes life deals us a pile of lemons and we sit in the corner pouting as we toss those lemons at the innocent people who cross our hurricane paths. But you…you caught my lemon, brushed the coffee grinds off of it, and told me to please leave your store and try to have a better day. That takes some kind of woman Shani, some kinda woman...
So thank you – again – for finding the blackberry I accidentally threw in your garbage and, more importantly, for teaching me a thing or two about what it means to be a loving human.
My best,
Jessie
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OMG! I think you need to write a glowing letter to DD’s corporate office about Shani after that horrendous (and hysterical) episode! This must explain why my local Dunkin now has 5 clearly visable signs that say NO CELL PHONES AT THE COUNTER – THX, MGMT…:)
HAHAHA. this was great.
You should be ashamed of yourself. You’re not a celebrity. You don’t get to do things like that. “Shani” should go to your office and claim YOU stole something as petty as a stupid cell phone. You’re pathetic, get over yourself already. Loving human being my ass. You should have written about why you’re such an a$$ instead of some lame excuse-ridden “apology.” I wipe my dog’s butt with your literary garbage.
Anonymous? Why are you reading this blog? Get a life….
Loved this story… people don’t usually admit to their mistakes.
Thank you for posting this! It was funny, in a “I’ve been there before” kind of way.
Who hasn’t overreacted and acted like an ass? I sure have.
Shani must have the patience of a saint!
Don’t you know that girl TOTALLY called her bff and was like “DAMN GIRL THIS BITCH THIS MORNING, YOU WOULDN’T BUH-LIEVE!”
I’ve had those days.
I and a friend of mine once did a totally racist shakedown of a black dude on a beach in Rio just to calm down a female friend of ours who was freaking out about her stolen bag (she put it down while talking to a salesman- a rookie mistake).
We never made it up to the guy, but you’ll probably make it up to her just by writing an email to Dunkin HQ… or calling that 800 number that’s on all the receipts.
I know that if I’m in the neighborhood and I’m craving cream-filled doughnuts or crack-like coffee, that’s the DnD I’ll choose. And I’ll tell Shani that she’s famous on the internet.
That’s the bright side of service jobs. Customers are always right and always yell at you, but when you, the server, actually turn out to be right, you sort of feel like a god.
To Anonymous:
Do you think there might have been some exaggeration in the story for comedic value?
Also, you are hypocritical in your response considering your lack of tact and destructive commentary. Consider a new way to leave a comment or stop reading… although, you are reading, so Jessie has won.
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This is hilarious. I do hope you actually go back and apologize to this woman though. Would probably mean a lot.
Haha!! This is hilarious!
Want to really make it upto Shani? Give her a nice tip tomorrow morning.
Classic! Are you brave enough to return to DD’s? I am not sure if I would be haha!