I have lived in LA for 2.5 weeks, but it still feels like I’m on some weird vacation – like my car is a rental car that I don’t really have to worry about, like I should do as much as humanely possible in a given day because I only have so many left, like I can wear white jeans even though it’s essentially October…
I can’t quite explain the all-consuming feeling of being totally off-kilter after the transition from New York City to the suburb that is Los Angeles (sorry, but…) but like I told Zac yesterday on gchat, it’s as if I’m a goldfish whose water’s just been changed so I’m all swimming around seizure-style in no particular direction, forgetting things after two minutes and mistaking tiny pieces of grain for food (dramatic, yes, but people do eat less here). Also my jewelry is all still in boxes and my hanging clothes are out of color/style order (ROYGBIV, shirts/skirts/dresses/pants, obvs), so I can’t focus on a damn thing. You know how it is.
Still – in vacation slash gold fish interrupted mode, my perception of all that is new/different/oh-so-LA is razor sharp. Here’s what I’ve got after 2.5 weeks:
-There is a food truck here called the NomNom truck. I don’t know what they sell out of said truck, but I don’t care. I will eat it as soon as possible and report back. If this pertains to you specifically, you get it.
-Every day I learn a new industry phrase/jargon/term. My favorite so far is “to give good meeting” as in, “her ideas are meh, but she gives really good meeting.” Yeah, I know it does…
-I am more dressed up than anyone I encounter at any place I go. Like, today someone at my office literally said to me, “wow, that’s an actual outfit,” I responded, “yep, I like clothes” (gold-fish-brain mode), but I thought, “um, no it’s not. I’m clearly not accessorizing to my full potential because my necklaces are still in boxes. How could you not SEE that?!!”
-People in LA are completely immune to several of the things I find most shocking about this town: traffic, the weather, the cost of valet parking. I believe it’s a learned defense mechanism, like how when you bring up how bad New York smells in the Summer and people pretend they don’t notice.
-A surprising number of people I’m meeting went to Ivy League schools, which is great cause it’s always good to have very smart people around, but it’s kind of like, shouldn’t you all be curing cancer and solving whatever goes down in the Middle East instead of coming up with phrases like “gives good meeting”???
-It is AMAZING the kind of things you see people do alone in their cars. Today I passed a girl who appeared to be applying fake eye lashes at a stoplight on Olympic and Dohaney (those are two palm-tree-lined streets where very famous things happens, obvs). Also because everyone has blue tooth in their cars you constantly see people carrying on full conversations with no one, windows wiiiide open. Yesterday I heard a woman say, “you can $!*#@ me seven ways ’til Sunday if you just replace the god-damned light bulb in the nanny’s room. She can’t READ at night. And if she can’t READ at night she’s in a piss poor mood all day. And I won’t have our kids raised by a moody nanny.” I’m not paraphrasing.
-The breakfast burrito is to Los Angeles what the bagel with cream cheese and lox is to New York. As such I’m on a campaign to eat every single one available. So far I’m six in, and I’ve only been here for four brunches.
-A pool party is to Los Angeles what a roof party in to New York. This is great because pools are fun and a lot cooler than roofs (rooves?). This is bad because you wear significantly less clothing to a pool.
-I’ve learned that it’s not technically name dropping if you really do know the person and hang out with them. Name dropping would be me being like, “I was at this Newline thing with Leonardo DiCaprio the other night. Party was lame, but they had it catered by the NomNom food truck.” Whereas completely legitimate LA conversation would be like, “Leo was in the office last Thursday for a pitch around this new concept for HBO. We ordered in from the NomNom truck because that’s his favorite.”
-If you were an assistant or currently are an assistant in any other city in the world and you think you worked really, really hard and controlled an insane about of stuff and had to do things that were absolutely ridiculous, you’re wrong. The Los Angeles assistant is second to nothing. They make things happen with two blackberries, a land line and Microsoft Outlook that would wow that guy who built the Iron Man suit. Because of this I am very seriously considering changing my selection for stranded on a desert island companion. I just need to find an assistant who can do a good Barak impression…
-People don’t know about silly bands here. As such I am personally enculturating (sp?) the entire Los Angeles 20-something population (co-ed!) on the phenomenon. In this way I’m sort of like the man who brought Crispy Kreme’s to NYC except I’m reaping zero monetary benefits, and some people think I’m kidding.
I always thought LA would be a great city for me to reside- the weather, the vintage shops, the famous people. BUT THEN- I tried to order hash browns at brunch and my waiter basically looked at my hips, shook his head, muttered “carbs?” and walked away.
I am seriously so inspired by your move- keep the stories coming! Who knows- maybe you will even inspire me to pack up one day and move towards my dream! (assuming i figure out said dream)
You should start another blog of “things overheard on the freeway” with quotes such as the “Nanny Needs a New Lighbulb!”
Love your blog & can’t wait to read more of your LA mis-adventures.
You’ve captured us Angelino’s so perfectly.
I think that NomNom truck was on a TV show called Food truck wars and they sold Vietnamese sandwiches. I could be wrong.
SoCal is the burbs, duh. NorCal is where it’s at.
The NomNom truck has been featured on the Food Network Great Truck Race. They make Vietnamese sandwiches or something. They have been doing really well on the show. Just thought you’d want to know.
I complain about things like traffic and the weather (and mostly how Los Angelinos forget how to drive when it rains — you’ll discover this at some point on one of the 10 rainy days we have a year).
But then, I’m also a New Yorker at heart, so maybe my complaining/intermittent (constant?) road rage can be chalked up to that.
Food Truck craze is everywhere in SoCal. If you can, you should try to catch the KogiBBQ Truck. Korean style Mexican food…who knew?
Don’t let the culture shock get to you. Prepare yourself for the weather shock.I hear there is a heatwave starting.
Funny, lived hear for 13 years and I’m a pro at reading magazines while driving. One time I was stopped at a red-light so I kept reading my magazine, when I looked up light was orange turning red again and I realized I just sat through a green light. I looked in my rear-view mirror and noticed the people in the two cars behind me were also busy and didn’t notice.
As for education seems like everyone is either Ivy League (specifically Harvard) or high school drop out and here (at least Hollywood/Beverly Hills) it doesn’t matter either way – only beauty, money, IQ, and ambition! In LA the past doesn’t have to limit or define someone as in other places.