Dear Santa slash All My Friends and Family,

I believe I have been reasonably good this year (I paid off all my credit cards and didn’t intentionally rear-end any cars!) and, as such, would like to request the following gifts in honor of the upcoming holidays. I’ve provided images where necessary. Please see me with any questions.

1. For all Los Angeles drivers to be better drivers.
I want them to get off the phone and pay attention to the road. I want them to really gun it when that green arrow light turns on. I want them to stop blatantly running red lights. I want them to use their blinker every time they intend to turn and never accidentally ride with it on for 10+ blocks. And, more than anything else, I want them to go faster, always, but especially on Olympic Blvd between Beverly Glen and Robertson. It is a STRAIGHT SHOT people!

2. Some cozy, plaid shirts
Here are some thought-starters. I’m not picky about color.


3. The Occupy Wall Street movement to come back strong and a little more organized

I think it’s good, noble, and necessary, and I think there’s got to be a way for the organizers to maintain their presence within the constructs of what the various cities will allow.

4. To stop dreaming about being super late and unprepared for things.

The point of spending 6-8 hours in a peaceful slumber is to re-charge for the day ahead! Enough of this running around without my contacts on (constant dream feature) realizing I’m about to blow it on one of the dozens of projects I’m juggling in dreamland. I want sex dreams or amazing-deals-shopping dreams for all of 2012!

5. A really nice smelling candle for my bedroom.

It’s just one of those things you never think to buy yourself, right? Here, conveniently, is a picture featuring my favorite brand!

6. Adele’s vocal chord issues to be resolved

I’m worried sick about her you guys! We need all of our top people on this because she has got to get better, pronto (note: this gift request is also made on behalf of my sister Dani, who has also been pretty good this year).

7. Something in Aztec print

I’m really loving the trend, and would like it in my life slash closet. Here’s a fun option from Forever21!

8. For E! to eliminate at least one Kardashian program currently running on its network.
What do they have now? 4? I don’t think I’m asking for much here.
9. One of those rings where some lovely word like “oui” or “love” is written out in silver cursive.

Those are so cute, right?? Every time I see one on Pinterest, I re-pin it! Note: I’m not in love with the diamond over the “i” in the “oui.” Just saying…

10. To complete my first feature film
This is a gift I will/must give myself/the people who are waiting patiently for me to finish it.
It’s getting really close guys, promise.
11. A lifetime supply of Sharpie pens!

These are beyond a shadow of a doubt the finest pens on the market (in my opinion), and when I find myself needing to write something and not having a Sharpie pen at my disposal, I’m bummed.
12. Silver earrings

I could use some big hoops and a dangly option or two. Nothing fancy.

13. A stronger command over Los Angeles driving short cuts

I just want to know how to sneak around insane traffic stoppage without having to get out my GPS or find my location via the molasses-like Internet connection on my Blackberry.

14. To be producing a regular, 20-Nothings podcast

See “to complete my first feature film” replace “the people who are waiting patiently for me to finish it” with “the hundreds of thousands of people who are yet unaware of the impact it will have on their lives.”

15. This office, and with it Jenna Lyon’s entire wardrobe…and son.

That should do it for this year!

-J