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• We will read every issue of UsWeekly, OK!, and People Magazine and People Style watch currently on shelves, aloud.

• We will play !@#$, Chuck, or Marry with every single guy we knew from college, and every triplet of celebrity men we can think of, aloud. One of us will say, “guys! I hate this game. I don’t remember anyone from college!” and another of us will say, “guys, do I have to play like I would have in college or like I would now that I know who’s actually gay?”

• Before doing so, we will run through the list of the nicknames we gave every single guy in college and the origin stories of those nicknames. Then I’ll tell the story about how the guy we called “Religious” once told me he, “wasn’t really religious at all,” and we will laugh our asses off. 

• We will share make-up, accessories, clothing and shoes to the point that on some nights none of us will be dressed in anything we actually brought. 

• It we go dancing (which we obviously will), we will revive the infamous dance moves from college that we didn’t know we did until one of us did an impression of the other one doing the move (read it twice). We will collectively agree that our favorite is the Lazy Liz Head Dance, complete with Drink Hold Pose.

• We will make the one among us who is pregnant (!!!!!!!) tell us every single detail about getting pregnant, being pregnant, delivering a baby, and raising a baby that she has learned in her three months of pregnancy. At several points during these conversations, the rest of us will say, “ohmygod I’m not ready for that…” 

• Of course we will talk about sex. The question is will we be able to get one among us to talk about it at a volume that’s appropriate for the small children who may or may not be in the pool area.

• We will make friends with every cab driver, waiter, bar tender and tour guide who we encounter during our stay with the hopes that this gets us free things. 

• We will ask each other the questions we’re afraid to ask our boyfriends, mothers, sisters, co-workers, post-college friends, and gynecologists. Every single question asked will start with, “Jessie, you can’t blog about this.”

• We will drink way less than we did on this vacation five years ago, but still enough to take 10,000 ridiculous pictures in over-sized sombreros and, god-willing, fake mustaches. 

• And we will woo. We will woo our swim-up drinks from the swim-up pool bar. We will woo the pregnant one when she walks out of the bathroom in her bathing suit for the first time. We will woo the first cab driver who calls us “five beautiful ladies.” We are not woo girls, in the traditional sense, but while on our long overdue vacation in a tropical paradise, we will woo like hell.