Today is my half birthday!

That’s what I yelled in R’s face around 7AM, one second after my alarm went off. Then I said, “Don’t worry, I won’t go nuts and buy myself any special clothes or anything,” and he looked at me like, yeah right.

I don’t usually celebrate half birthdays, but for reasons I’ve now written about extensively, this one seems like it’s worth celebrating. It’s exciting. It’s motivating. It’s the exact subject (and title) of the screenplay I’m currently in the middle of writing. (Write what you know?)

And so I had been planning to format this super exciting post as a collection of things I’d like to do before I turn 30. I thought that would be a fun way “check list” through the next six months before the big 3-0. Then I sat down to write the list, and it was really weird.

I haven’t decided if that’s because I’ve A. lived quite a bit already B. don’t need to do things for the sake of doing them anymore and C. don’t think much is going to change on August 7th of this year. Every item I wrote down felt…stupid? frivolous? immature? I do wonder if a little bit of it is a fear of writing down the really big things (sell a TV show!) or committing to the scary small things (side swept bangs?…). Regardless, below is the list, and below that is an explanation of why I’ve crossed almost every single thing off.

Things To Do Before I Turn 30

• Get nose re-pierced

• Stay up all night partying

• See the Grand Canyon

• Wear a bra top as a shirt (like one of those wide ones, not an actual bra!)

• Learn how to ski

• Finish all five seasons of THE WIRE

• Make sure everyone I love knows how much I love them

• Run a 5K

• Buy a pair of Louboutins

• FINALLY get my podcast going

• Eat a bacon-wrapped hot dog purchased from the street outside The Hollywood Bowl

• Go to Asia 

• Go back to Boston College

• Really lose it, in public, at some insanely rude person’s insanely rude behavior

• Go 90 mph

• Do mushrooms?

Reasons Not To Do These “Things To Do Before I Turn 30”

• Get nose re-pierced – I had my nose pierced, and it didn’t look all the great. Also, I’m an adult.

• Stay up all night partying – This no longer seems worth it by any stretch of my imagination. That said, I could afford to go ’til about 3am again…maybe.

• See the Grand Canyon – I mean sure. Yes. I should do this. But I could also do it when I’m 31, no?

• Wear a bra top as a shirt (like one of those wide ones, not an actual bra) – I might do this just because I bought that damn bra top that can be worn as a shirt, but that will really be the only reason why.

• Learn how to ski – I don’t want to ski. I’ve never wanted to ski. When I hear people talk about how amazing skiing is I think, nope, still not interested.

• Finish all five seasons of THE WIRE – See “Grand Canyon.” Repeat explanation.

• Make sure everyone I love knows how much I love them – I mean how, realistically am I going to do this? Strongly worded letters? I think I’ll just call a lot more often and maybe send some snail mail from time to time.

• Run a 5K – See “Skiing”. Repeat explanation. Add: I have no endurance and never will.

• Buy a pair of Louboutins – Listen, if I make a lot of money off the sale of something, I’m buying a pair. Will I need them? No. Will that stop me? Absolutely not.

• FINALLY get my podcast going – I really, really, really should do this, but if I don’t, it’ll be okay.

• Eat a bacon-wrapped hot dog purchased from the street outside The Hollywood Bowl – See “Louboutins”. Subtract need for money. Repeat likely outcome.

• Go to Asia – This would also be a real treat, but “Grand Canyon” and “The Wire” rationale applies.

• Go back to Boston College – This is for nostalgia sake, and as a very nostalgic person, I think I should try to make it happen.

• Really lose it, in public, at some insanely rude person’s insanely rude behavior – This would be very, very fun, but I am chicken shit and really don’t need some YouTube video of my bumbling freak-out getting passed around. Also, I cry when I’m really frustrated, so that won’t help.

• Go 90 mph – I drive a red car, so this is probably a really bad idea. Also, I live in the traffic capital of the world, so this is probably not even possible. 

• Do mushrooms? – What I really mean is do some very low-key drug that is greater than pot but in no way equal to any actual drugs. Is that mushrooms? I don’t even know. 

So, based on all this, I think I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing.

I’ve been really happy lately. I’ve actually been mostly really happy for 29.5 years. Sometimes check lists have helped keep that happiness a reality, but mostly it’s just been living in a generally straight line, surrounded by awesome people who would probably indulge my attempt at accomplishing this list, but also agree that I’ll survive turning 30 in six months without it.