Yesterday Forbes came out with the 2013 30-Under-30 List, and I wasn’t on it – again. This time, though, it stung a little. This year was my final chance to make this seemingly arbitrary list created by an unknown committee of people. I’ve never going to be a 30-Under-30 – ever. No, it’s never been a goal of mine. No, I don’t believe there’s any cash prize involved. Fine, I didn’t even know it was published until this morning. But that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow guys. One day of Internet fame and a cocktail party has passed me by, forever.

It’s crazy because I actually know someone who is very high up at Forbes, and yet there’s still no love for me and my various, mostly underground, 100% non profit endeavors. I mean, what does it take to be among the top 30 people under 30 years old doing anything and everything that matters in the entire universe these days?!

Alas, the answer appears to be more that I have done. Though in fairness, the committee did not have a chance to review the hand painted short shorts I recently made by following an incredibly talented high schooler’s DIY blog.

From ages 12 through 28 I viewed the 30-Under-30 list as a lofty goal that the more power hungry slash business-focused version of myself might reach if she stopped watching so much HGTV and writing 500-word Internet posts and the philosophical implications of hooking up. But now that it’s over for me – now that my last  I have legitimately “founded’ things – if you consider blogs and storytelling shows things that one “founds.” I have also come very close to starting companies that other people actually started, to insane success. You know that app where you can find single people in your area on map? And by “that app” I mean “those dozens of apps.” That was my idea. And yet this year the 30-Under-30 for Media went to Matt Mullenweg who was, “a 19-year-old freshman at the University of Houston when he launched WordPress, the open source blogging software now used by 17% of all web sites, including Forbes.com.” Is it me or does 17% of all websites seem low?

There’s also Leslie Dewan who, “has a plan to power the entire United States, with zero carbon emissions, for the next 100 years while simultaneously getting rid of our mountains of nuclear waste.”

And let’s not forget Jennifer Fan:”At the age of 29, Jennifer Fan is already a Wall Street veteran. Now running her own $650 million energy and agricultural commodities hedge fund, Fan has traded oil and gas in the aftermath of the collapse of Enron, the disruption of hurricane Katrina, the boom and bust of natural gas prices, and the shift to electronic trading.”

I was starting to come to terms with my place in life after reading Jennifer Fan’s profile. That is some impressive stuff. I mean, I’ve finished three screenplays on my own, but I don’t even know what a hedge fund technically is, so I was getting comfortable with the idea of giving it up to Jennifer and her uber-accomplished cronies.  

Then I kept reading the list as it went on, and on, and on, and on…way past 30!!! Did you know there are actually 30 people PER category among 15 categories! That’s, like, hhmm, three times five…carry the one…A LOT more than 30!! Some random New York Times writer made it! These two hosts of HuffPost live made it! Nobody even knows that HuffPost live exists!!

I mean, if I had known how easy it was to make it, I would have tried harder to get on the list!

For now I’ll just have to find other ways to define my self worth.

Back to the DIY Pinterest boards I go…