Exactly one year ago I wrote an article for Thought Catalog called 20 Resolutions for 20-Somethings. Today on account of my age bracket increase I have to add ten more ideas to the list and make everything sound more adult. #Woeis30, but here’s hoping this list of suggested to-do’s will help us all fake it into adulthood a bit more this coming year.

1. If you aspire to be married but not to the person you’re currently dating, break up.

2. Record conversations with your grandparents on a smart phone, tablet, camcorder, what have you and back them up onto a memory card. The technology is easier than ever, and the memories are just as priceless as always.

3. Reduce the number of selfies you’re posting to Instgram/Facebook/Twitter/ by 50%. If you’re still at 2 or more selfies per day, de-activate your account.

4. Reduce the number of times you check Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/etc. per day by 50%. If you’re still at 10 or more times per day, seek professional help. 

5. Spend time with babies. Soon enough you’ll need to know what to do with one of your own.

6. Figure out the exact right recipe for getting drunk enough without being miserably hungover the next day. Word to the wise: it’s not four bourbons in two hours, even if half of them contain a splash of ginger ale.

7. Print your photos! That was on 20-somethings list, but I’m guessing you didn’t do it (because I didn’t do it…), so do it this year.

8. Buy one niece piece of furniture. The IKEA stuff is fine for 80% of your home, but it’s time to start incorporating some items of actual value into your life. I recommend standing with a bar cart. The fact that it’s booze-related eases the transition.

9. Make sure you can run a mile without dying. This is both for your general physical health and because you never know when you’re going to be chased, a mile.

10. Drink more water (Sorry. I have to get to 30).

11. Know exactly how much money you have today and how much you’d like to have one year from today. 1f you’re in a committed relationship or married: know exactly how much money your other half has today and how much you two would like to have one year from today.

12. If you don’t instantly recognize a Facebook friend by name or profile picture, de-friend them. 

13. Apologize to someone who deserves your apology.

14. Consider taking Fish Oil pills and/or a ProBiotic. They’re really very good for your overall health, and you can get them at Target.

15. If you’re not going to wear that dress again because you already wore it to a wedding in which you were too heavily photographed to be seen in the same dress again, donate it (or all four of them…)

16. You know that person you always say you’re going to call to catch up but never do? Call them today.

17. Sleep more.

18. Learn what “The Cloud” is and start using it to back-up/store your music/documents/photos/etc. If you already know, tell me.

19. Stop checking your phone right before you go to sleep at night and first thing in the morning. A. it’s only making you more stressed and B. it’s super annoying to the person you sleep with.

20. Figure out if you actually have a gluten allergy or have just convinced yourself that you’re allergic to gluten because it’s super trendy.

21. Start watching Hannibal on NBC. It’s better than you think, I promise.

22. Stop saying totes. It’s over.

23. Try to stop saying “like.” You’re 30.

24. If you’re a democrat, read a book about republicans. If you’re a republican, read a book about democrats.

25. Ask your Mom/mother-in-law/grandmother/aunt for a sacred family recipe and master it.

26. Figure out what’s missing from your sex life and find a way to add it in.

27. Try meditating when you’re stressed. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it really works, and there’s obviously an app for it to make things easier.

28. Read the newspaper once a week. I’d prefer if you bought one made of paper, but you can do it on your laptop, phone or tablet for the sake of getting it done.

29. Stop buying UsWeekly (and its competitors). A. You’ve seen all the pictures online already anyway, and B. it’s making you dumber and more self-conscious about your own non-celebrity life.

And finally…

30. Stop blaming everything on the fact that you’re 30. It’s probably true, but in the mind-over-matter game of life, it’s not going to help you stop gaining weight at the drop of a hat, find a decent man or stay up past 11PM. 

Happy New Year everyone! Hope it’s happy and healthy!