How My Best Friend’s Gay Wedding Reminded Me What Mine Should Be All About

May 2, 2014

Today Is My Wedding Day, and I Feel…

May 2, 2014

How To Plan a Wedding in 14.5 Easy Steps

May 2, 2014
(unrelated but !!! – this is the 900th 20-Nothings/30-Nothings post!)

 
This blog has always been about helping you navigate the tricky issues of life by sharing my own personal experience while trying to impress upon you just how much I love shoes (so so much you guys). For that reason I can’t let my own wedding approach (we’re within the 10 day weather forecast folks!) without sharing all that I’ve learned along the way.

This isn’t how to plan the absolute perfect wedding or how to plan a wedding on X, Y, or Z budget. This is just how to go from engaged to married with what I think will be the least stress and most happiness possible.

1. Get Engaged

That’s not a joke. You can’t believe how many people, fine, women plan their weddings before they even have a ring on it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t start a private Pinterest board called “Someday…” I’m just saving save the big stuff for once it’s really on.


2. Close your eyes and envision your ideal wedding scenario

Where are you? What do you look like? What does everything else look like? Not what should it be or what does it have to be, but what do you really, truly want. Forget that it’s a wedding for a second and just think of it as a beautiful event where you’ll marry the person you love in front of the important people in your life. How should that go down, ideally?


3. Open your eyes and share all that with the person you are marrying

I know, some guys don’t care, but I think that’s a bummer. Get on the same page. Try to find pieces of the event that both of you really love. This is about you as a couple. Yes, one of you has had a secret Pinterest board called “Someday…” for two years, but for this to be a positive experience, both of you need to feel like you are represented. And even “guys who don’t care”, care.


4. Open your eyes wider and share all these ideas with your parents

This is, of course, if your parents will want to be invested in the process (which 9 times out of 10 they will). Tell them everything and tell them early. Ask for their opinions and thoughts even if you don’t intend to take all the advice. Ask them how they envision the day unfolding. A simple conversation about everyone’s wishes and roles at the beginning of the process will set the right tone of respect and love. I wish I’d done more of that in the beginning.

5. Outline your priorities

This is incredibly important because it determines how you will spend your money. For example: if it is most important for you that every single person you’ve ever envisioned inviting gets invited then make your guest list first and figure out what it’s going to cost to make an event for that many people happen (or how your event needs to be modified on the money you have to accommodate that many people). If venue is the absolute key, great. Figure out budget and guest list after that. It can be incredibly overwhelming if you don’t know a few things that are really important to you. That can be as simple as, “I want to get married in my home town” to as specific as, “I want x venue on y date with z band.” Your goal is to narrow the bagillion options down to just a hundred thousand. Kidding! Just a thousand!
 
6. Make a budget

I repeat, larger, make a budget. If you are under no financial constraints then you can ignore this advice and give me thousands of dollars, but for the rest of you this. is. critical. Knowing how much you can or are willing to spend dictates the entire event. You need to know this before you make a single venue call. I recommend having a real number not a range, but a little wiggle room can be helpful.

One way to organize that budget to help figure out what kind of location and what number guests you can afford is to back into the venue number by first accounting for all the “must haves.” Photography, music, transportation, dress, officiant. The list is long. One you have rough estimates for those numbers (they’re all online), you’ll know how much you have left to play with for the venue/food/rentals.

7. Celebrate your engagement!

The reason this isn’t item number two is because if you’re anything like me you won’t be able to sleep until two through six are complete. That said, don’t forget that this is an awesome time in your life. Go to dinner with friends. Let your parents have a little party in your honor. Being engaged and planning a wedding go hand-in-hand but one tends to outweigh the other. Try to focus on the engagement bliss too.

8. Do as much research as you can stand

It is important to exhaust your options, but it is equally important to quit while you are ahead. There will come a time when you must draw a line in the sand. Some things will be exactly what you wanted, others will not. Move on.

9. Delegate!

Not only is it lovely to bring people into your planning process but it is the only way you will remain sane. People desperately want to help. Let them help.

10. Make a timeline

There are plenty online to guide you.

11. Stick to that timeline

Procrastinating will make the last two months of your wedding planning hell, and you can’t be eating zero calories a day and dealing with wedding planning hell. Kidding. Sort of.

12. Celebrate more! 

You’re still engaged! You’re doing this! It’s all going to work out, probably!

13. Execute on all your plans in a super organized, calm, cool and collected manner

Or hire a wedding planner. That goes under the category of choosing your priorities, though. If not dealing with the little stuff all along the way is incredibly important to you, hire one. But I assure you, you can do without thanks to the Internet.

14. Let. It. Go. 

It’s planned. It’s happening. People are coming. Stop sweating the small stuff. Practice your first kiss a thousand times because that’s fun. Do the same with your first dance (if that doesn’t stress you out). Get a massage. Get a facial. Make your fiance get a manicure. Open an old bottle of wine you bought when you first got together and drink it all while you do table arrangements. You are a BRIDE or a GROOM. This is a (god willing) one-shot deal! Treat yo’ self! Wedding planning is hard, no doubt about it. You will be stressed, mark my word. People will behave terribly along the way, and there’s no predicting or stopping that. But you cannot control everything, and you do not want that responsibility anyway. The last thing you want is to look back on this time in your life with an eye roll and a groan. That attitude is up to you and you alone, and it applies to every moment until you drive off until the sunset (in a rented Toyota Camry for a cross-country trip!).

14.5. Read all the fine print on every single contract, twice.

Duh.
 

In 11 days I’ll let you know if all this advice pans out. Until then I’m going to try to follow it. So far, so good, and there have been some tricky set backs. I attribute my success thus far to Microsoft Excel, an army of helpers, the Probiotic I take for my stomach every night and R. But mostly R. He’s the best co-wedding planner a girl could ever ask for, even if he does think I’ve made 10 too many Excel sheets, so far.

18 comments

  1. It took me and my wife about a month to schedule. You are so quick to complete. Its good. No matter how long, it is a good memory with your other half.

  2. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks..

  3. I’m a month away from my wedding and #14 is a big one….I’m definitely struggling with this one and letting myself get wrapped up in the stress. I think it’s about time we had a no planning night out with friends šŸ™‚ thanks for the reminder!

  4. my name is Tasha , from the united state
    of America . i want to share this wonderful
    testimony , to the people who are in the
    same problem that i was before i meant
    dr.olokun. i was living with HIV for the
    past 1 year, just last month as i went to the internet , i saw a testimony no how some one hiv/aid was cure,
    and i decided to also email and tell him
    about my problem, and as i did that he told
    me to send him some details which i did, and
    then he told me to wait for some time , and
    after one week he told me to go for another
    HIV test, which i did, and to my greatest
    suppress i was confirmed negative. all
    thanks be to dr.olokun, and if you know
    that you are in this problem email him now
    on drolokuntemple@gmail.com and i strongly
    believe that he will help you just as he did
    mine.

  5. This is real take it serious, who will believe that a herb can cure 7
    years HIV in my body, i never believe that this will work i have spend a
    lot getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy, what i was waiting
    for is death because i was broke. One day i heard about this great man who
    is well known of HIV and cancer cure, i decided to email him, unknowingly
    to me that this will be the end of the HIV aids in my body, he prepare the
    herb for me, and give me instruction on how to take it, at the end of the
    two week, he told me to go to the hospital for a check up, and i went,
    surprisingly after the test the doctor confirm me negative, i thought it
    was a joke, i went to another hospital, it was also negative, then i took
    my friend who was also HIV positive to the Dr, after the treatment she was
    also confirm negative . He also have the herb to cure cancer… please i
    want everyone with this virus to be free, that is why am dropping his
    email address, ogboduspellhome@gmail.com…his phone number[2347069492065, 2347050485554]… do email him he is a great man.
    Thank you for saving my life, and I promise I will always testify for your
    good work.

  6. This is real take it serious, who will believe that a herb can cure 7
    years HIV in my body, i never believe that this will work i have spend a
    lot getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy, what i was waiting
    for is death because i was broke. One day i heard about this great man who
    is well known of HIV and cancer cure, i decided to email him, unknowingly
    to me that this will be the end of the HIV aids in my body, he prepare the
    herb for me, and give me instruction on how to take it, at the end of the
    two week, he told me to go to the hospital for a check up, and i went,
    surprisingly after the test the doctor confirm me negative, i thought it
    was a joke, i went to another hospital, it was also negative, then i took
    my friend who was also HIV positive to the Dr, after the treatment she was
    also confirm negative . He also have the herb to cure cancer… please i
    want everyone with this virus to be free, that is why am dropping his
    email address, ogboduspellhome@gmail.com…his phone number[2347069492065, 2347050485554]… do email him he is a great man.
    Thank you for saving my life, and I promise I will always testify for your
    good work.

  7. My name Anabel James from UK, i happy living with it, and i went into research on how i can get cured for HIV, i contacted a lot of spell casters and they were unable to cure me. On a blessed day a friend of mine introduce me to the man that cured him, i was afraid to contact because of my past experience but i decided to give him a trial, so when i contacted him, he assure me that he will help me and i told him that many spell casters has also told me this but they all fake me, he told me not to worry that he is going to help me, So i believe in him because all i wanted was to be cured, so he prepared a healing spell for me which i used for 4 days, i went to the hospital for test the 5th day and came back happily. The test stated that i was cured from the disease.. This gladdens my heart and everybody in the hospital was surprise want to appreciate DR charles the powerful spell caster that cured me from HIV AIDS. i was very happy even the Medical Doctor, So viewers DR charles is sent by God to deliver his people. For any kind of disease you can contact him through his email on (hivspelltemple@gmail.com) thank to the charles that help me to cure my HIV. Thank you Doctor…….

  8. hello my name is smith Sonia DR.olufa is the only Dr who could ever
    get my HIV-AIDS cured with his healing spell,i never touch there is a
    spell caster that can cured HIV/aids but today a have find a spell
    caster that cured my HIV, i have tried almost everything but i
    couldn’t find any solution on my disease, despite all these happening
    to me, i always spend a lot to buy a HIV drugs from hospital and
    taking some several medications but no relieve, until one day i was
    just browsing on the internet when i come accross a great post of a
    woman called Stella who truly said that she was been diagnose with HIV
    and was healed that very week through the help of these great powerful
    healing spell doctor, sometime i really wonder why people called him
    Papa olufa, i never knew it was alll because of the great and perfect
    work that he has been doing that is causing all this. so i quickly
    contacted him, and he ask me some few questions and he said a thing i
    will never forget that anyone who contacted him is ! always getting
    his or her healing in just 6 hours after doing all he ask me, so i was
    amazed all the time i heard that from him, so i did all things only to
    see that at the very day which he said i will be healed, all the
    strength that has left me before rush back and i becomes very strong
    and healthy, this disease almost kills my life all because of me, so i
    went to hospital to give the final test to the disease and the doctor
    said i am HIV negative, i am very amazed and happy about the healing
    DR.olufa gave to me from the ancient part of africa, you can email him
    now for your own healing too at [olufahomeofsolution@outloook.com] once again thank you Dr olufa for help me.

  9. Hello readers
    HIV has taken so many lives so do cancer, I
    was having them both, I contacted Dr.Ajagbo,
    and I told him that I have HIV and Cancer. He
    told me that my case is a special case. That
    the items he needs will be much. I asked him
    how much it will cost me. He told me that it
    will cost me $150 only, I was only having
    $100, and I told him the amount I have. He
    told me that after the cure I should promise
    him that I will pay back the remaining $50, I
    told him that I will. He prepared a cure for me
    and sent it via Courier Delivery Service; I
    managed to pay for the delivery and legal
    practitioner that signed the goods for the
    transfer to my country. I received the parcel,
    it was a portion, I drank it as he instructed
    me to, and I went to do a test I was healed, I
    was tested HIV negative and the cancer was
    no more,please help me thank him, I
    haven???t seen a person like him before, I
    have paid him back in 3 fold, you can get
    your healing from him and him alone, contact
    him now Ajagbospelltemple@gmail.com if
    you don???t have email kindly contact him
    via his mobile phone number on
    +2348156759423.

  10. i don’t just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for HIV, i have been HIV+ since last three years with my girlfriend but today i am happy that i am HIV_ with herbal medicine of Prophet suleman the great healer,i was browsing the internet searching for help when i came across a testimony shared by someone on how Prophet suleman cure his HIV i was so much in need of getting his treatment but after all Prophet suleman brought a smile to my face with his herbal medicine. i am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so my people out there kindly contact this great heal;er on his email address: Prophetsuleman@gmail.com please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine.once more contact him now: Prophetsuleman@gmail.com

  11. I am Oxborn from USA, I want to use this medium to testify of how i got cured from

    HIV AIDS. I contacted HIV from my husband, my husband died 2 years ago from this

    disease, my life was gradually coming to an end living with this deadly disease

    daily, i did all i could to get cured from this disease but all to no avail, until

    i saw a post on health forum about a spell caster who cure all kind of diseases

    including HIV AIDS, when i contact this healing spell doctor he helped me cast a

    healing spell and i got cured within 72hours (3days), I am back on my feet again.

    Contact this spell caster for any kind of disease via this email

    hivspelltemple@gmail.com

  12. My name Douglas dashy from Oxford,UK …HIV has been ongoing in my family for

    long..I lost both parents to HIV and it is so much pain have not been able to get

    over.As we all know medically,there is no solution or cure for HIV and the cost for

    Medication is very expensive..Someone introduced me to a man(Native Medical

    Practitional)in oxford..I showed the man all my Tests and Results and i told him

    have already diagnosed with HIV and have spent thousands of dollars on

    medication..I said i will like to try him cos someone introduced me to him..He

    asked me sorts of questions and i answered him correctly..To cut the story short,He

    gave me some medicinal soaps and some herbs(have forgot the name he called them)

    and he thought me how am gonna use them all..At first i was skeptical but i just

    gave it a try..I was on his Medication for 2 weeks and i used all the soaps and

    herbs according to his prescription.. that he will finish the rest himself..and i

    called him 3 days after, i arrived and i told him what is the next thing..he

    said,he has been expecting my call.. he told me to visit my doctor for another

    test..Honestly speaking,i never believe all he was saying until after the test when

    my doctor mention the statement that am, HIV negative and the doctor started asking

    me how do i do it….Am telling this story in case anyone may need this man his

    email is: prophetekpen@gmail.com

  13. My Name is Philip Mercy from USA, and am really grateful and thankful for what Dr okoror has done for me and my family. i Was having HIV/AIDS for good three years with no solution, the diseases almost took my life and cause i was unable to work and i was also loosing lots of money for medication, but one faithful day when i went online, i met lots of testimonies about this great man so i decided to give it a try and to God be the glory he did it. he cured me of my diseases and am so happy and so pleased to Write about him today. if you need his help of you also want to get cured just the way i got mine, just email okororspell@outlook.com OR okororspell@outlook.com and get your healing

  14. My Name is Philip Mercy from USA, and am really grateful and thankful for what Dr ogboni has done for me and my family. i Was having HIV/AIDS for good three years with no solution, the diseases almost took my life and cause i was unable to work and i was also loosing lots of money for medication, but one faithful day when i went online, i met lots of testimonies about this great man so i decided to give it a try and to God be the glory he did it. he cured me of my diseases and am so happy and so pleased to Write about him today. if you need his help of you also want to get cured just the way i got mine, just email ogbonispelitemple1@gmail.com OR ogbonispelitemple1@gmail.com and get your healing

  15. Hello everybody i am so happy to share this testimony on how Dr uduka was able to heal me from HIV Disease, well i was detected positive on 23th may 2014, and ever since i have been looking for a way to treat and cure this disease from me, but all ways i try there was no solution, few weeks ago i saw a testimony of some people on how Dr uduka was able to cure them from HIV disease, still on i heard about it on media when a young lady also gave her testimony about this same Dr, well left with no hope i message Dr uduka telling him all my problem, he told me what we where going to do, that he was going to send me a portion which i am going to take, and after which i took this herb portion he sent to me, he told me to go back to the hospital for check up and after i have done that i should come and tell him the good news result, at first when i saw the message i was so shock and still did not believed i will be cured, well friend to make my story short i am HIV negative now after many time of sorrow, i am Negative, and my sickness are gone, i thank God for leading me to this man….
    you can email him on (drudukaspiritualtemple@gmail.com) he can be of help to you on any problem..
    Sir may God Bless You.

  16. Hello!! Iā€™m indeed very happy for the great help that Dr. Oraede rendered to me, I was a HIV patient my husband also was a HIV patient, we saw a blog whereby Dr. Oraede cured HIV, we (Me and My Husband) decided to contact him which we did, he asked us to buy some items, unfailingly we sent him the money he will need in buying the items required, he prepared the medicine and sent it to us, we took the medicine as prescribed by him, Luckily for us we were tested HIV negative, now I believe all these Testimonies about him on the internet, he is truly a great man, if you want to discuss with me on how he cured us, kindly email me on philipamanda45@gmail.com or you can contact the great Herbalist and a spell caster on dr.oraedespellhome@hotmail.com dr.oraedespellhome1@gmail.com http://www.dr-oraede.webs.com dr.oraedeherbalhome@yahoo.com or you can call him via his mobile phone number on +2349038604218..

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