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I wrote the below post after attending one of my very first post-grad weddings. This was approximately four years ago. When I sat down to re-write the post from my much older, wiser life position I realized that I feel the EXACT same way. That said, I’ve added a few notes in bullet points below where issues and items have adjusted now that I’m 28 and people are staring to say, “so…are you two next?…”
The more things change, the more weddings are an incredibly scary event for people who are not yet married…
Attending one of the very first weddings of your post-grad life is a lot like seeing Cirque du Soleil for the very first time.
- Attending the dozenth wedding of your post-grad life is a lot like seeing Cirque du Soleil for the very first time
First it’s expensive to go. Very expensive. You think to yourself, how could it possibly cost that much…
- Add in the fact that you now live in Los Angeles, 3,000 miles and 500 airline dollars from most of your closest friends. Also, Facebook has made it impossible to wear the same dress twice.
For the months leading up to the spectacle people in-the-know tell you every detail about everything that’s going to happen. “And then they’ll do this! And then they’ll do that! Ugh, and it will be so beautiful!” Then they shift to predicting every last detail of what’s to come for you. “I bet they’ll wear blues…I bet it’ll be a 12 person band…I bet their song will be “At Last”, it’s always “At Last.”
- This still goes on, mostly on Gchat.
You fluctuate between wildly excited and totally skeptical. “Seems a little overrated to me…”
- All of your skepticism is now organized around how much the wedding costs, and it’s now all caused by your own fears around how much your wedding will have to cost.
It starts and you’re completely freaked out. People are doing things you’re fairly certain no amount of training could prepare you to do. Also they’re wearing themed outfits , which you can’t quite decide if you love or you hate.
- Same-ish except you arrive with far more judgement and opinion. “Oh, well at _______’s they did their own vows, and that was really lovely.” And what you’re not saying when making all those comments is, “I’m never doing that,” or, “I’m totally doing that,” or, “I wonder if my boyfriend is going to want to do that..”
A little while in you feel yourself falling into it – “This isbeautiful and meaningful. They seem really excited up there. I could probably get into this.” You’re borderline entranced but still mostly nerve-wracked about everything that could go wrong. What if the music messes up?! What if a costume rips?! What is someone falls?!
- Again, all the same except you’re thinking far less about the people getting married and far more about how you’ll be managing this same moment if/when it’s you.
And hour so in and you’ve settled into a comfort zone where you at least know the performers aren’t going miss a cue. Everyone required to make it all happen has shown up. You’ve graduated from freaked, but if it comes to audience participation, you’ll be at the bar.
- Same. Being in a wedding is wonderful/meaningful/special/and honor, but it’s also a lot of stress. Being a wedding guest is slightly freaky (in the that-will-someday-be-me) way, but you’re allowed to drink more, so it’s better.
Intermission (that blessed pause between the ceremony and reception) offers the chance to compare notes with fellow attendees (read: gossip). “Mmm, yes those blue dresses are beautiful….No, I wouldn’t have put that song there either….Really? Funny. I was thinking this was all perfectly normal and not at all hard to do and I’ll probably just do it next week if I can fit it in. But I could see how you might be freaked out.”
- Same. Big time. Also I’ve seen people texting each other DURING the ceremony. I don’t care how ugly the bridesmaids dresses are, that’s not cool.
Act two and you’re used to it slash three cocktails deep. You’re still in that mode where with each passing trick you’re wondering if you could ever possibly do what they’re doing and, if you could, what costume you’d want to wear. You’ve stopped paying attention to all the details. You’re feeling like it was mostly worth the money. And if they asked everyone to stand up right now and join in song/dance/a conga line, you’d do it and pose for a picture.
- Yes. This is the moment where, if you’re in a committed relationship that feels like it’s going to go the distance, one or both of you has said, “let’s not do that at ours…”
By the last number of the evening you’re making sexy eyes at every performer on stage. You’re sold. You loved every moment of it. You don’t want it to end. When can you go again? Who took pictures of everything?! You need them for your Facebook page!!
- See above. Replace, “let’s not do that at ours…” with, “we’ll have a Spring wedding with 200 guests at a mansion overlooking the ocean. Band. No videographer. I’ll wear off-white.”
And so with souvenir boa in hand, you leave the venue 180 degrees from where you arrived. Come ‘on of course you could do that. All it takes is a little passion and commitment. Plus look how fun it is. Aaahh…well… someday, if I’m lucky, I could be up there too…you sigh as you pass out in the front seat of the passenger van on the way back to the hotel.
- You don’t pass out anymore because you’re old. You either throw up because you drank too much at the reception or you drink a sensible amount and still feel crappy the next morning.
Monday, back at the office:
“So, how was it?!” every co-worker who prepped you now asks.
“Really beautiful and a lot of fun,” you report, “but god am I totallyincapable of that doing that right now in my life. Also, it’s just entirely tooexpensive.”
- You drop the “totally incapable of doing that right now” part. You can’t say that as a 28-year-old woman with a live-in boyfriend, and frankly, you shouldn’t feel that way anymore.
Five minutes later at your desk:
- Replace the above search for how to become a Cirque performer with hours and hours and hours spent on the Pinterest “Weddings and Celebrations” section…
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BTW: More fun to be the bride than being the wife…
I’m not sure why you drop that just because you’re 28 years old. Nor why you shouldn’t feel that way.
I totally understand the expensive part. I’m hoping my wedding will not be nearly as expensive as my friend’s wedding was.
hey admin
This article is really insightful, it went ahead and made my day, you are seriously a professional blogger
With Best Wishes
bedroom | sofa | kitchen | bathroom | living room