My “The New Year” rant was referenced several times in “the old year”. Here is it – abridged because I have to add my “the new year resolution” rant to it and don’t want to alienate readers this early in the new year, as a point of resolution.

Leading up to the turn of the year you hear, no less than twice a day, something resembling the following:
-“Oh we’ll get to that in the new year.”
-“They probably can’t handle that project until the new year.”
-“I think we’ll really start to see that change in the new year.”

What the shit does this mean? I made it a point to respond as frankly and directly as possible in an effort to make people realize how outrageously preposterous the phrase sounds:

-“So we’ll get to that next Thursday?”
-“You mean they’ll be able to handle that project in two weeks?
-“Great, so we’ll be seeing that change in 5 days!”

I think my point is clear. Two days ago it was the old year. Today it is the elusive New Year. I just edited the document I worked on in the old year and am now sending it today, in the New Year. I had four vacation days in between the new and old years during which I read a book, ate baked brie, and drank a lot of alcohol. Aside from the book, the four days were eerily similar to the previous, ummm, thousand. I remain the same, as do all of my colleagues and, let’s be honest, the entirety of all the industries in which we work. Ergo, this is dumb. Stop saying it.

That finally said, I am approaching this new year with some rather earth shattering resolutions. Though I generally find those to be regret-inducers on a 6-month retainer, this year I’m taking them very seriously. I’ve done just as Al Roker recommended and written them down so I can be included in the 90% of people who accomplish their resolutions — that’s of the percentage of people who write them down, numbering 30%. I took Finite Math, but I estimate that around 10 people. Whatever – Al kept the weight off.

After careful consideration of my collective vices and dreams I’ve made two resolutions this year. Two because I don’t want to feel bad about myself if I only accomplish one. Three would probably be better, but two years ago I resolved to stop overacheiving, so that seems hypocritical. One resolution I assess at a level of difficulty around 3 (out of 10, 10 being most difficult as it always is so let’s collectively stop clarifying that) – the other is a 12, for sure.

-I intend to read one book per month
-I intend to not engage in hook ups that I will immediately regret – and by immediately I mean when I wake up*

Which is the 3 and which is the 12, you might ask? That’s for tomorrow’s post. Right now I’m too busy getting to everything I put off until the new year.

*Smooching at bars does not count.