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The People vs. The Facebook

March 6, 2008

Modern Etiquette: How naked is too naked?

March 6, 2008

Don’t worry – girls are lame too

March 6, 2008

I’ve been hard on the guys these past few posts. Today, a little criticism for the other side:

Why is it that you never hear a woman say, “I picked this great guy up at this bar the other night.” Think about it – even just as it applies to yourself. It’s always, “I met this nice guy,” or “I talked to this really good-looking guy.”

Are women still rarely picking men up? After burning those bras, legitimizing pants suits and Hillary Clinton – are we still not making the first move? I don’t believe it. I’ve seen one-too-many vodka sodas nudged every-so-slightly closer to a nearby Stella. I think it’s happening all over, it’s just being re-told in a very specific way. And by specific I mean untrue.

On women and picking guys up: a hypothesis in three disjointed parts

Women are competitive with other women when it comes to dating. Really competitive. One would think that in this arena you’d get extra points for the pick up, that being fearless would equal cred among the home team. One would be logical, but wrong. This is not a team sport. It’s not women against men. It’s women against women. You get points for getting picked up because it makes you feared in the eyes of other women. It means you have that special something the rest of us can’t seem emulate — or buy. But pick someone up, relay the story, and prepare to hear the following, “oh wow, you’re forward” (read: a whore) “I could never do that” (read: would never do that) “Nice work!” (read: since sadly you had to work for it). You’re that girl – that forward girl. Are other women secretly jealous? Maybe. Should they be impressed not annoyed? Yes. Will this truth make you more inclined to tell your tales of pick-up success? Probably not.

I’m afraid that in our heart of hearts – that place we only go to after years of therapy, bottles of vodka, or if our mother’s make us – we’d prefer to be picked up. We don’t want to have to pick guys up. Because with guys, the game is us against them. Make the first move and you’re up one guy but down one edge. And we all know what happens when you put the ball in his court. You overanalyze the shit out of that ball.

Did he really want to talk to me or was he just being nice? If he really wanted to talk to me why didn’t he make the first move? Does he think I’m just some power-hungry whore?

We don’t brag about it for the same reason we don’t brag about joining match.com – we’re not actually that thrilled. We’re mostly terrified about what this means for our future with the Pick Up-ee and obsessed with what our Book Club might think about us.

So for the love of God, when will it end?! Maybe when we end it. Maybe the more we admit it happens the more normal it will become. Also probably the less we let underhanded comments from other women make us feel inferior the less they will. Still, it takes a village, and Rome wasn’t built in a day, and if you want something done you have to do it yourself, etc.

For now let’s try this: if you pick someone up tell someone you did it, proudly but without bragging. When they say, “wow, you’re bold,” you say, “it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I just went over and talked to him.” Then maybe they’ll do it and admit it and so on and so forth until we all cut the competitive crap and start focusing on going after what we want.

How exactly does one pick up a guy at a bar? I have no idea. I could never do that.

1 comments

  1. I feel as though I should interject before all the boys use this blog as their excuse to sit in the corner at bars, drink their beers and wait for girls to come up to them.

    I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard my guy friends complain about how hard it is to ask a girl out whether it be a stranger at a bar or a friend who they’d like to be more than friends with. Trust me, I get it. I respect those of you have the courage to put yourselves out there.

    I don’t think you boys understand how difficult it is to be a girl with the over-analyzing and the obsessing. “Are my sexy eyes sexy enough?” “Are they too sexy?” “Do I accept his offer to buy me a drink or do I offer to give him $5 for it?” “Does my hair look the same as it did when I left my apartment?” “I knew I should have warn my flowy top, I’m feeling so bloated and this little tank isn’t doing anything for my figure.” “God my feet are killing me in these shoes…it’s a good thing they’re freaking adorable.”

    Here’s the deal. Just like you boys have “The Game”, us girls have our own dating bible, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I think all the girls who have read that book will agree that knowledge of the thesis revolutionized dating for each of us. Bottom line: boys are simple creatures. If they are into you, then they’ll do something about it. If they’re not, they won’t. Even if they’re the shy guy, if they like you, they’ll find a way to overcome their shyness and ask you out.

    Along with lecturing me about how difficult it is to “pick up girls”, you boys also feel the need to emphasize how you aren’t as complicated as we girls make you out to be. Well boys, if you’re not that complicated, own your simplicity. If you like a girl, ask her out. Because I can guarantee you, we have absolutely no idea what we want and until you give us a reason to be into you, we’re not going to budge from our strategically placed bar stool that not only puts us in prime position for you to notice us, but also shows off all our best features and our cute shoes that you better compliment if you want things to go your way.

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