I love words almost as much as I love avocados and boys who aren’t afraid to wear purple. For today, as a diversion from male over-analysis – I’ve assembled a little modern-day Lexicon of the things we’re saying (or should be) and the phrases that should be relegated to the ranks of “dang quesadilla.”

Eeen:

• Joaquin Phoenix – (n.) a term used to describe someone who is ugly beautiful. “No, he’s not traditionally great-looking, but he’s a total Joaquin Phoenix.”
• rex it – (v.) to barely eat for a period of time in an effort to shed lbs. “Big event on Saturday – will probably have to rex it until then.”
• Ford the river – (adv.) a reference from the early ’90s educational computer game Oregon Trail. To take the harder though more respectable route. “I think you’re going to need to ford the river on this one.”
• band-aid it – (adv.) derived from the popular Band Aid approach. To deal with something quickly and then not look back. “I need to band-aid this shit. She’s getting too attached.”
• G.U. – (adj.) Geographically undesirable. Used to describe a person who lives further away than you’re willing to deal with. “Amazing guy. Too bad he’s completely G.U.”
• JimPam – (adj.) A non-relationship relationship where one person is in love with another who is tragically unaware or unavailable. In honor of the sweethearts from The Office. “Yeah I mean they’re perfect for each other but it’s completely JimPam.”
• R.D.T – (n.) Relationship defining talk. A serious talk used to shift the definition of a relationship. “We’ve been hooking up for four or five months. I think it’s time for an R.D.T”
• sexy eyes – (adj.) an impossible to describe though instantly identifiable “come hither” stare used by drunk people as a form of flirtation. “No, I didn’t walk over there, but I gave him sexy eyes.”
• James Frey – (adv.) to add untrue though convincing details to a story. “I had to James Frey it a little to make it more interesting. No harm done though.”
• black out – (adj.) a derivative of the verb “to black out.” To be very, very drunk. “Ugh I was so black out last night.”
• red state – (adj.) a political reference used to describe something that is particularly conservative, stuffy, or stick-up-the-ass. “Did you see Muffy’s reaction when you told her about sleeping with Biff? She was soo red state about it!”

Ouwt:

• [insert word].com – (adj.) A form of exaggeration in which a random description is attached to the suffix .com. “That movie was lame.com!”
• idk – (??) use of the now popular online abbreviation for “I don’t know” as a spoken word. “Idk what her problem is, but she better back off.”
• totes obvi, totes rando – (compound adj.) – the combination of the commonly abbreviated “totes” (totally) with the commonly abbreviated “obvi” (obvious) or “rando” (random).
• O-Bamb – (adj.) a positive exaltation derived from the name of Senator and Presidential-hopeful Barak Obama. “That shit’s the O-Bamb!”