Monday’s post prompted heated reactions.

The guys who reached out were uniformly obstinate. “Obviously it means he’s interested. I mean what more do you want?” And “You know it’s harder than you think to ask a girl for her number.” Also, “Some really confident guys are actually very self-conscious about approaching a girl.” Then finally “What’s wrong with the Facebook, girls use it too. Don’t make like girls don’t do the same shit.”

The girls were similarly in synch: “Yeah – no – lame.”

Guy friends told me I was being too harsh. Girl friends told me I wasn’t reading the writing on the wall. The guys: he’s just taking a little less forward approach. Girls: he needs to grow a set.

Apparently it really was a question for the ages. Problem is, both sides think they have the answer.

From the male camp it goes like this: Far too much is expected of guys simply because they are guys. They are actually far less confident, comfortable, and experienced in the delicate process of asking a girl for her number after meeting her (for the purposes of this argument we’ll stick to that scenario. Guy fears over asking a girl out that they know well are equally, if not more complicated. Check back Thursday.) In an effort to protect themselves they will gladly opt for the least direct approach to continuing their contact with girl. The Facebook is a God-send. They can sober up, think it through, and place the ball in girl’s court until they develop a plan. Girl accepts – they move on to phase two. They find it to be simple, direct, and effective. Some even go so far as to say it’s better for everyone involved and that girls are just as uncomfortable fielding a phone number request as guysy are delivering one. Bottom line: they want to be as certain as humanly possible that the girl is not going to reject them. Facebook solves that. The defense rests.

The girls – bastions of understanding that they tend to be – don’t quite see it that way: They think it’s a cop out. They think guys in their 20s should be able to figure out how to ask a girl for her number. They acknowledge that it’s an easier, less risky, and less definitive move, and that’s exactly what they don’t like about it. They want the instant gratification of an in-person, evening-of request. They don’t want a guy to have to think about it for a while the next day. Because while he’s overanalyzing whether or not to reach out with the friend request she’s overanalyzing why he didn’t ask for her number after a fun time spent together. And it is a girls sole purpose to avoid scenarios that require over analysis (yes, I know it doesn’t seem that way). Bottom line: they want to be as certain as humanly possible that the guy really likes them. Facebook confuses that. The prosecution rests.

I see both arguments, even though one was originally my own. For reference the story that prompted Monday’s post worked out perfectly. But just as many examples have gone south. Sadly no absolute truth’s here.

Thus I propose a settlement with the condition of mandatory rehabilitation.

Guys: you can have the Facebook and call it legitimate, but please make your request within 24-48 hours of meeting girl so she can tell her friends things like, “see he must have totally regretted not asking me for my number because he friended me right away.”
Girls: you can cut the guys some slack and calm down with the judgment, but still tread lightly. If he doesn’t use the Facebook as the impetuous to begin normal contact (phone, email) you’ll need to start managing your expectations.

By way of rehab, both sides needs to rehearse the following conversation until it becomes natural.

Asker (Guy or Girl, this is 2008):
“Hey, it was great meeting you – we should do this again sometime.”

Askee:
“That sounds great. Here’s my number. Give me a call.”

(This) case closed.