I’m about to make a very controversial statement.
The theory requires some basic definitions and a lot of back peddling.
To start we have to define “casual sex” vs. “committed sex”. People use the term casual sex to describe anything done outside a committed relationship. But this can go on for months with the same person in today’s “dating” scenario, making it far from casual. It can also occur between people formerly committed, making it stupid but still not casual. Oxford describes ca·su·al (adj) as: not involving emotional commitment or promises of loyalty, or lacking in thoroughness or seriousness. Since this rings true in 9 out of 10 non-committed sex situations, the terminology stays. But for argument’s sake, the modern connotation goes more like, “free sex” or “independent sex” – worth noting as we continue.
Committed sex is easier to define. Following a talk where someone uses the words “exclusive”, “girl/boyfriend”, or “AIDS test” you’re having committed sex. Prior to that, even if you’d use the term “definitely seeing each other” or “seriously dating,” either person could casually sleep with someone else and get away with it in the court of your college roommates. It would be shitty, but it would be true.
So we’ve got casual sex (no “the talk”) and committed sex (post “the talk”).
On to taboo – not as easy to define. Oxford again: ta·boo or ta·bu (n) a type of behavior or belief system that is disapproved of because it is considered socially unacceptable. Clear enough. So I’m arguing that the belief that committed sex is the only appropriate form of sex and (more importantly) expression of that belief is considered socially unacceptable by the majority of modern sex-havers because they collectively believe otherwise (read it twice and then re-write it in proper grammer).
Yes I live in the Sex & The city and work for a company that eagerly uses the word fuck in published editorial. So I acknowledge that if we caucused Iowa-style in Iowa numbers would be slightly skewed. But major social trends don’t start west of the Mississippi (I’m not counting LA because I don’t like it).
For good or bad – you’re no longer hearing proud voices around the water-cooler saying, “No, I haven’t slept with him because I don’t sleep with people before we’re committed to each other because I don’t believe in that for x, y, or z reasons.” You’re hearing, “Oh (blush) not yet.” Or, “Haha (blush) I don’t kiss and tell.” From the stronger voices maybe a, “Um…none of your business!” It’s phasing out of the vernacular and not because it’s no longer something people believe or practice. I think it’s because it got trumped by collective comfort with, “I tried not to sleep with him on the first date, but it had been so long” or “Wow! Three weeks! So…how’s the sex??”
That’s the heart of my very bold theory. That, right now, there is only one socially hailed form of sexual behavior, and it does not involve a wedding night.
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