Today – suggestions on what to communicate if you’ve decided you’re going to communicate. I’d say what to “say”, but there’s a one in never chance you’ll call and speak.

Facebook

• Message in friend request (because I said you have to send a message with the friend request): Hey, nice meeting you at the bar/_____’s party/Whole Foods the other day/this weekend/last night.
• Subject-line of post friend confirmation message, general: Hey
• Subject-line of post friend confirmation message, specific: Play off a conversation that occurred when you two first met. Ex: It’s Confirmed. Body of email: You cannot buy a beer ball in Manhattan. Wanted to pass that crucial info along and see if want to grab a drink sometime. Note: this only works if you are 100% certain the person will remember that conversation and that you are 100% certain it happened, with that person…
• General body of message rules:

1. You don’t have to ask out in the first message, but it should in some way be clear that you like this person and didn’t just friend them to get to one of their friends. If you chose not to launch right in, be sure to leave it with a question that keeps the conversation going. As simple as “So did you say you live in the West Village?” is fine; just show interest.
2. If you arrive at a moment in the message where it’s necessary to say “so anyway…” you’ve gone too far. This is a one-two paragraph deal, 8 sentences total, max.
3. Do NOT sign it. Your full name and photo are featured prominently. Give it a Talk to you Soon or Later or Have a good day and you’re out. When we first got cell phones my Dad used to leave messages that went something like this:
   “Hi Jess, it’s Dad. Need to review some college admissions stuff with you later today. Can you give me a call before you go to work? Thanks. Love, Dad.” Signing a facebook message is like that.
4. If you are on the receiving end of a message the reads “Let me know if you want to get a drink sometime” and you in fact want to get a drink sometime, respond with your number. “Sure – I’d love to. Give me a call (555-2222) and we’ll figure something out.” This helps you not them. In order to wait for a return facebook message you have to have a computer and the internet – not convenient for evening clutches or pants pockets.

Personal Email

• Subject line: See above, same rules apply
• Email intro: You need to qualify it. For some reason with the Facebook there’s less need for qualification because intention is known. Also your picture and name are featured. If you’re sending a personal email it’s for specific reasons: You are taking the advice of someone trying to set you up. You are getting back in touch with someone you once had email touch with for some reason. Something that isn’t, “fun meeting you last night” but likely, “Katie passed me your email address” or “Long time no see. Are you still working at blank? Can’t believe I left over 6 months ago…”
• Body of email: Again, short. If you’ve gone for the email, you’re likely pretty sold on getting together. Bite the bullet. General: we should get a drink sometime. Specific: there’s this blank that I’ve been meaning to go to. Would you be up for that?
• If you’re holding out to be sure the person’s response isn’t a. too delayed b. too confusing or c. riddled with typos (I’m sorry, grammar is important to me) follow the “ask a question to keep it rolling” rule. Extra points for picking up on something the person mentioned when you met.
• This one you can sign, but not with any of the following options: Best, Fondly, Sincerely, Yours, Ciao. I still think “Talk to you soon,” is the best option. Then it’s a dash Jessie (-Jessie) and you’re done.

Work Email

• Same as above. No cursing.

Phone
You either really like this person, are incredibly mature, or don’t have Facebook. Good for you! (but get Facebook – wave of the future).

• With this, the shorter it is the less chance you have of fucking it up. “Hey Jessie, this is Blank from Blank (examples include Brian from The Back Fence or James from Saturday night). Hope you’re having a good Saturday/Sunday/day. Give me a call when you have a chance. My number is…
• Yes, it’s true your number will likely show up in missed calls when you leave the message, but you have no idea how many random people are calling this person you’re calling, and you don’t want your number to get confused with all the others. I know, just the confidence you need, but better safe than screwed.
• You don’t need to ask the person out via voicemail. They know that’s why you’re calling. If that’s not why you’re calling, say so. “I think you lost an earring at the bar, and I found it.” But if you’re lying and you found a random earring at the bar or bought an earring to say you found an earring to avoid saying, “Great meeting you, are you up for grabbing a drink some time” – that’s invalid. Don’t do that.

General

• In any and all circumstances – run it by someone. You may think you had the greatest connection since Joey and Dawson, but you were drunk and people lie in the face of flirtation. Check first.
• There are no rules for texting after meeting and securing a number. Any message is wrong, so do as you please slash CALL.
• A friend once asked me what all girls want to hear when you call to ask them out. There is no right answer. If she really likes you, you can say just about anything because she’ll really like it. If she doesn’t really like you, it probably won’t work out anyway. Sorry, tough love is true love. What she really wants is for you to call and ask her to do something. Those are the two key elements. Make the call and have a vague plan that you communicate without confusion. Role pay in the mirror if you have to, but make sure you get those two things in and you’re good.

It bears mentioning that these rules apply to situations in which you actually/really like the person in communication question. If you don’t and you’re just keeping it going because you’re bored/desperate/trying to make someone jealous, do whatever you want. That said, it would be helpful if you stuck to some/most of the above in the name of normalization.

Thank you, Jessie.