Had to break it down by topic because there’s way too much to cover. Today: Rules to follow when initiating contact, delineated by communication medium.

I feel they’re fairly accurate, but in fairness I once slipped my business card into a guy’s back pocket when he wasn’t looking as a method of initiating contact. It worked, but these remain open to discussion and criticism. Once they’re set though this is what we’re doing – nationally.

Facebook

• It is okay to friend a friend of a friend who you met once as a launching point for eventual dating. It is not okay to friend a friend of a friend who you have heard of and think is hot. It is really not okay to friend some rando you found through a friend’s friend’s friends because you think they’re hot.
• If you meet someone, like them, but fuck it up and don’t get their number, you are permitted to friend them in an attempt to save your fate/dignity. Friending should be done within 48 hours of meeting them unless you are a. on vacation or b. it is a Friday night and you don’t have Internet at your apartment so you have to wait until Monday, but for the love of God, send a message, “Good to meet you the other night. I meant to grab your number but I lack balls. Let’s grab a drink sometime” – or something like that.
• Once contact has been established through Facebook and you determine you’d like to proceed, transition off the Book. Budding relationships should not be conducted over Wall Posts and Messages. Emails offer greater security and a bigger box to write in. Cell phones offer tone of voice.

Myspace

• See Facebook. And stop using Myspace

Personal Email

• Don’t do this: “So, hey, can I get your email?”
• Or this: “Hey, it was really fun hanging out with you tonight. Here’s my email.”
• If someone lists their personal email on their Facebook account and you are already friends with them you are free to use that email without asking for permission. It bears mentioning here that the commonality of the Facebook message has created a unique niche for the traditional email. Where the Facebook message has a tone of, “yo, what’s up, have a little message for you” the Email communicates a more serious, “hi, how are you, wanted to communicate this series of thoughts to you in a forum where you’re less likely to be focused on pictures of that guy you just broke up with.” Use accordingly.
• If you’re setting someone up with someone, use their personal email as the communication connection. Phone isn’t always a bad idea, but we’re trying to keep things simple here, so let’s just go email and end it at that.
• If you’ve received someone’s personal email because someone is trying to set you two up, email them promptly. The set up-er already told the set up-ee that she (guys don’t set people up) is setting you to up. Wait too long and you look like an ass.

Work Email

• There’s an urban myth that the business card is the blow off – that it says, “sure, you can have my number” but means, “I feel too awkward saying no. Here’s this professional mechanism that people never really use, so don’t really use it.” It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: people think that people never email work accounts and so people never email work accounts (makes sense, just read it twice). If everyone started emailing work account every time they scored a business card one of two things would happen:
  A. More people would be in relationships
  B. People would stop giving out their business cards and we’d have one less thing to deal with

Cell Phones, Asker:

• Do not pull out your phone and move toward number entry before asking the question. You could get denied and will not look cool returning that phone to your pocket.
• Consider the following before asking: A. Do you know the person’s name or are you going to have to enter it as “Red Top, Friday”? If the name is say, Amy, she’s going to wonder why you’re spelling it with 12 letters. B. Are you physically capable of entering the numbers correctly?
• I don’t know who invented the “wait three days rule.” It doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. Maybe it’s like that telephone game or the Bible, and the real message was confused over time from what the prophets really said which was don’t wait more than three days to place the call. Let’s go with that. It’s more polite and less completely nonsensical.
• If you want to take it slow, play some games, and be judged, text as the first point of contact. If you’re actually serious about “getting a drink” or “grabbing a bite to eat” (why are bites to eat only ever grabbed?), call.

Askee:
If you are asked for your number and want to give it, do one of the following things to save the moment from awkward:

• Write it on a napkin with your name. This move is clichéd because it is efficient. Don’t knock it, and start carrying pens.
• Say, “Sure, do you want me to put it in your phone?” This gives the person an out and ensures they get the number and name right.
• Hand them a personal card if you happen to have them printed for legitimate reasons (i.e. you are a freelance writer). Be sure to say, “Here, this is my personal card that I use for freelance writing” so they’re not creeped out that you have a personal card.

General

• If you exchange numbers it’s fair game who calls whom. Girls defer to, “the guy calls because he’s the guy,” but guys are sitting around saying, “whatever, she has my number too.” Avoid this and keep possession of the number in one person’s hands.
• Let’s all agree to use the following line, “it was ______ (fun hanging out, good to meet you, nice bumping into you), can I give you a call sometime?” Yes it sounds dumb, but so does every single iteration of the question. If we all conform to one sentence it will be like asking for a side salad instead of fries. You’ll feel like a douche but everybody does it.

Somewhere Emily Post just vomed in her mouth a little…
Tomorrow: Rules following successful first points of contact