No time for a drawn out introduction today. Way too much to cover.

There is a long-standing myth held by some girls that if you give it up too early, the good guys out there will no longer consider you serious girlfriend material — “too early” and “good guys” obviously being open to interpretation. For the sake of this conversation let’s say under five dates is “too early.” I can’t define a good guy.

The myth is simple. Give it up too soon and the guy in question will move you out of the could-marry-her category and re-file you in, might-date-but-will-probably-just-hook-up with land. Ergo, if a guy puts those moves on you too early, you can assume he views you in the latter court; you’re not marriage or serious dating material.

Few issues you need to ignore before diving into this:

• The idea of waiting until marriage.
• My actual stance on this and my definition of “too early”
• That this entire scenario centers around girls giving it up too early and not guys taking it too early

Moving on.

I consulted my consultants on the issue – two guys, two girls, and someone much older than me. They will remain nameless but can be trusted and should be followed because I like them.

When asked the question myth or fact? all five had the same response: Myth, mostly, but it’s more involved than that.

See why I like them?

Here are bits and pieces of several internet conversations paraphrased and edited to reflect The Board’s responses, with my commentary.

First and foremost, if a girl sleeps with a guy early on and then things end quickly, it’s because the guy wanted to have sex with her but didn’t have any long term interest from the get-go. If he wants it, he’ll go for it. If it doesn’t work out, he’ll move on and/or try again drunk. That part’s simple. Run from these men.

Next – there are girls you would want to bring home to Mom and girls you just want to bring home for that one night slash a couple hours. The girls in question for the sake of this discussion are group one – Mom girls.

Put simply, if a girl is a Mom girl, it doesn’t matter if she has sex on date 1, 5, or 20. In other words, you can both want to bring her home to Mom and also sleep with her date 2.

Here’s the rationale

Guys get a read on a girl pretty quickly and in general categorize them in four ways

• 1. Total package- attractive, but also has all of the other things you would/should be looking for (personality, smarts, cultured, etc). This is completely subjective. A girl can be a #1 to some guys but a #4 to others. There’s no one completely universal Mom girl.
• 2. Surface only- she’s hot, but she doesn’t seem to have much in the way of depth or anything that would ensure long term interest of compatibility for you. You want specific parts of her, but not all of her.
• 3. Personality only- friend zone…great to hang out with, but no attraction. You maybe set up one of those, if-we-both-get-to-40 deals, but you push it back by a year every six months.
• 4. She offers nothing (to you) – not your preferred looks, no/not your preferred personality, who else is here in this bar that I can talk to…?

Consider that a rough but sadly accurate guide. There’s cross-over potential but it’s rare (read: guys may hook up with #3’s and 4’s, but it’s usually by accident slash alcohol).

So in the context of the sex question – A #1 is a #1, sex on the first date or not. If a guy thinks you’re a #1, he’ll wait (within reason). And he doesn’t need to sleep with you to figure out you’re probably a #1. Great sex will help seal the deal, but it’s not required knowledge to make you a candidate. If he’s acting like he thinks you’re a #1 but doesn’t want to wait, then he’s a good actor. Run from these men too.

So if you’re a #1 to him, you get a lot of leeway. This is wildly liberating. It means you get to do what you’re comfortable doing because he likes you anyway. This probably shouldn’t have been so hard to figure out, but it really was.

Now this next part might chafe, but it hits the point. A girl being a #1 has little to do with sex, but a girl being a #2 has a lot to do with sex. It would be garish to say that a guy only wants sex from the #2 group, but that is a lot of the motivation.

But, as I explained several times to the male board members, it’s because guys treat #2’s this way that the #1’s think guys who initiate sex too early are therefore categorizing them as #2’s. They think they’re getting #2 girl treatment. They think guys want their #1’s to wait, just a little, so they don’t initiate early sex with the 1’s.

Apparently this is faulty logic. Guys know when they’re comfortable having sex. Therefore they create environments where sex could happen when they want it to happen. If a guy wants to wait he won’t take the make-out from the car to the couch. Guys are not out there testing a girl’s chastity by getting them in bed, initiating sex, and seeing if they go for it. Nor are they accidentally having sex then saying, “shit, that one might have had marriage material but now she slept with me – bummer.” It’s not that complicated. They want it, they go for it, and they’re therefore okay with you accepting it.

That’s it. No more but what if’s and but I feel like he’s not sure… He’s sure. Now you just have to be.

So if it makes you feel better to say, “I don’t usually do this so soon” or, “I hope this won’t change the way you feel about me” – go right ahead. But the only things he’s thinking in response are, “exactly how many people have you usually not done this so soon with?” and, “it will if it sucks”