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Newsflash: you’re in a relationship

September 10, 2008

Dwelling kills

September 10, 2008

On Guyland and why people aren’t leaving

September 10, 2008

So we have a few things going on here.

  1. Instead of settling down and assuming golden generations lifestyles (j-o-b, wife, house), today’s guys are relishing in the glory of post-grad lifestlyes that are like college minus the classes (so, college)
  2. Part of why they’re in this state is because we’ve fallen on hard times economically, politically, and some may say fashion wise. So it’s not all their fault.
  3. While this seems fun/great/so much better than growing up – it has its detriments for guys these days — like higher suicide rates, deb, and unemployment. Also they don’t read the newspaper or vote.
  4. The media slash Judd Apatow support slash enable this with their barrage of messages suggesting that marriage is bad and beer is good. Beer being a metaphor for all things fun. Best line of the article: “According to a study released last month by the Parents Television Counsil, prime-time broadcast audiences are three times more likely to hear about people having sex with pets, corpses or two other people simultaneously than they are to see a blissed-out marriaged couple between the sheets.” (note: use of term “blissed” out is in no way supported).
  5. Apparently if you ask a lot of guys in a dark room and promise not to print their real names, they admit that they’re somewhat miserable, fairly lonely, and don’t feel all that great about their “Peter Pan” lives. (note: that never say Peter Pan — only this author did).

I know these guys – some of them very well – and so their condition is not shocking but rather status quo to me. Maybe that’s because I too gawk at the thought of marriage “so early” and relish in my weekends up at BC tailgating with my Senior and Sophomore sisters. Yes I have a career and consider myself responsible and directed 5 out of 7 days a week, but I could be making greater sacrifices toward the goal of owning a house or marrying a man. I, like the guys of Guyland, believe I have plenty of time to be a “real” adult. Guyland, in some ways, could be GirlLand (Ladyland?…it is cuter…) just as easily. Not really the point, but something to note.
The point is a question — one of the many that this article prompts, but the one I’m most interested in.
How and why did we become afraid of settling down? What do we think it’s so worthy of eye rolls and Everybody Loves Raymond plots? If studies suggest people are happier settled and building a future versus hanging on to college habits, why do we have trouble believing it?
I don’t know. My specialty is dating rules, not marriage success. But here are a few theories – potentially wrong, but worth noting.

  1. We grew up in the age where the divorce rate sky-rocketed from whatever percent to 50.4% – for whatever reasons. And so the vernacular around marriage became, “don’t jump in too early!” or “just marry for money and it will all be fine” or “I had a life until I got married.” We were raised cynics of marriage.
  2. The studies are wrong/not thorough enough and the real reality is that while marriage has more benefits than singledom, early marriage holds more risk than later marriage. I’ve written to the author about this. Will get back to you.
  3. This entire condition only exists because parents continue to support 20-somethings well into their 20s leaving us free to choose a life void of responsibilty. Show this article to a soldier in Iraq or a blue collar worker in the Bible Belt and they’ll laugh their ass off – then hit you.

My money’s on #3. Then again maybe that’s because it’s also the 20-something condition to blame our parents for everything…

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