Since the infamous episode/book/movie changed everyone’s lives, the battle cry has been that if he’s not making a move, he’s – all together now – just not that into you. According to the book, nothing stands between a guy and a girl he really wants to be with, etc.

Challenge.

I think there are many guys out there who are very into you and would like to try being with you but have no idea how to make that happen. This belief is based on the fact that guys have told me this is the case and asked me to write about it.

My theory (unlike the book which focuses on the post-date scenario) sits in the pre-date zone – that miserable place dominated by manic FB profile checking. You’re concocting completely see-through ways talk about and, god-willing, see the person so you can further obsess over everything they do in your presence. All the while people are constantly saying, “so is something going on between you and _____ because it really seems like something is…”

To which you respond, “Ugh riiiight?! I. Don’t. Know. All evidence points to the fact that he likes me but he hasn’t made a move…But, since you mentioned it, could you list just a few examples, say five or six?, of things he does to make you believe he likes me…?”

Right. You’ve been slash are there. And in your mind you have slash are-really-trying- hard-to declare that if he can’t get it together to ask you out, you don’t want to be with him. (That’s the line we’re going with vs dwelling on the fact that we’re still not sure you like us. Thank you. We’re really proud of it.)

“He is a grown man!” you say, “He should have, at this point, watched enough television to figure out how to make this happen. It. Is. Not. That. Hard.”

Yes, valid.  But it’s also true that to some together, mature, seemingly date-able guys, the thought of finally making the move with a girl they placed in the “could date her” bucket the second they met her is scary as shit. And so they come as strangely close to it as possible without actually doing it figuring it will either happen by accident, alcohol or some combination. Because this often works, they keep doing it.

What are they so scared of? You. You’re scary. And the more they like you the scarier you are. The whole prospect of blowing it then maybe having to see you again and it being very awkward is scary. Also, they’re not 100% sure you like them either because you’re trying to hide it in case they don’t like you.  Right.  That’s how that works out.