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An Open Letter to the readers of this blog in Austria, India, Singapore, Bermuda, and the UK

November 10, 2008

A vacation. A vacation from your problems.

November 10, 2008

A game-time decision

November 10, 2008

I know someone who recently broke up with someone on account of failure to perform to the expected level during a college football weekend. He invited her onto sacred ground for a sacred weekend with sacred friends. She wasn’t into it. He wasn’t into that. They broke up.

Yes it sounds like the tritest reason to end an otherwise excellent relationship, but upon full explanation, it’s not.

The game was Boston College vs. Notre Dame – a match-up that’s earned the nickname The Holy War. We hate them for lots of legit reasons that are meaningless to the outside world. They hate us because they know we’re better. BC has not lost to Notre Dame since 2000 – a streak I must point out began when I started BC. It’s my pleasure, really.

BC/ND weekends are unofficial reunions. Everyone arrives with A-games in tow. Each friend group executes on their own well-tested routine built for optimal pre and post game enjoyment. It is ridiculous and yet required. If you’re not into it, you don’t come. No one half asses this game.

So it goes without saying that welcoming a significant other into this ritual is a major move, especially if an airplane ride is involved. You don’t do it without a lot of consideration and careful managing of expectations. They need to know how you hope they will behave, but even more importantly, how you intend to behave yourself. The former is negotiable (they do not have to buy nips at Reservoir to maintain drunkeness throughout the game), the latter is not (you fully intend to and in no way find it over-the-top).

And let me be clear before you cry grow-the-fuck-up. Attending the game is not a requirement. Wanting to come and loving it is not a dealmaker. It is out of control and that’s not for everyone. But coming and vocally hating everything about it is a dealbreaker. The difference is confusing and yet critical.

This person I know experienced the latter. Girl wanted to come, begged to come, was so excited to come. But upon experiencing the scene in action could not and did not hang. I’m unfamiliar with the exact details but from legend and experience I imagine it involved a fair share of asking to leave early, not wanting to play very fun drinking games, and lines like, “Um, do they have anything but beer?!” Yes, but trust me it’s worse. These games are the most fun and efficient way to binge drink. And we will leave after they sing the Alma Mater – not a moment earlier.

Frankly, it is not hard to know how best to enjoy this environment. Look to your left, right, and down and do exactly what everyone you see is doing but in a more clever and louder manner.

If you’re currently rolling your eyes and mumbling, “god it’s just one football game…” you are exactly right. And this is precisely why one has every right to break up with someone on account of a poor showing.

It is one, 48 hour weekend throughout which you engage in two activities in three locations. Drink while being social slash excited at someone’s apartment, in a bar, and on campus. You have one, full year to prepare for this task and that same amount of time to understand just how much it means to your significant other. If you are confused about what it might be like, watch Rudy. If you are thinking you aren’t going to like it, don’t come. If you thought you’d like it but get there and don’t, fake it.

But if, after all that research and preparation you still think it’s acceptable to act like a pouty asshole throughout your significant other’s Christmas-in-November, don’t be surprised if you get dumped.

It’s not about the game. It’s about compromise and understanding – the cornerstones of every successful relationship.

Yes, this attitude may explain why I am still single. No, I am not reconsidering my opinion.

2 comments

  1. I think this same rule can go for any major event in a significant other’s life…a best friend’s wedding, work event, holiday gathering, etc. If your boyfriend/girlfriend can’t be supportive (or at least feign supportiveness and not create a major scene) for you for one day (or even just a few hours), I think it sends a larger message about their overall commitment and feelings.

  2. I can totally relate to this – as in be in the shoes of dumped girl. Difference with me – i was never dumped. Why? I faked it to the last atom of my strength.
    Bf is from Kent and lives and works in Surrey. Went down to Canterbury for the ‘holy’ Kent County cricket game. I think i need to mention that i did not even understand what happens in the game of cricket. And still don’t unfortunately. But, its not just watching the game. The ritual starts at 11 am (when the pubs open), on the day of the game. Only beer is allowed as a drink and nothing else. if you’re hungry, curry is your food and nothing else. No half pints coz apparently that’s ‘queer’. So on that Saturday, for the very first time in my life, i was in a pub at 11 downing pints of beer (which i loathed a deep passion), screaming at the cricket ground (singing all sorts) at what i didn’t even understand. The beers kept coming – and you have to drink – and i did. I was quite amazed with myself tho coz i finally got into it somehow, even tho i made sure i stuck to my trick of letting 3 rounds skip before i put my order forward. That way, my bf’s friends were very impressed with me – a former model who drinks beer and eat curry but still weigh less than 60 kg. And, i was able to walk back to the hotel after the midnight curry – which means i wasn’t too pissed.
    They call it Purism – i call it torture.

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