I’d like to see more of the following going on.

I tell you I’d like to be dating — that I’ve given it a lot of thought, and right now I’d like to be going on dates with nice guys whom I might eventually bring to BC football games.

You then rack your brain for every possible available and excellent guy you know and come back to me with a list of suggestions. Three to five would be ideal, but one is by no means too few.

We meet to discuss the list of candidates you’ve developed and look at their pictures on Facebook. If they’re not on Facebook or are on Facebook but have opted against a profile picture, they’re not options.

I ask questions about each guy and you provide answers. You kindly remember that withholding important information about girls they’ve cheated on and Irish-themed football teams they support will only bite you in the ass in the end.

I don’t take it personally if you suggest a shitty guy. You don’t take it personally if I suggest you have shitty taste and obviously don’t know me at all.

Following our session I choose one to two candidates. My decision is final. You don’t go all rogue yenta on me approaching candidates I’ve deferred.

You then go back to my top choices and say, “I have this friend you have to take out.” Not “hang out with.” Not “meet.” It must be very clear that you are telling them to go on a date with me. I’ve got the vague, maybe-dates covered thanks.

To best control your communication of my finer points I’ll provide you with a bulleted list of key messages to share with my selections:

• Jessie loves companies with a really strong brand identity
• Jessie has appropriate outfits for every occasion
• Jessie has hair that can be curly or straight
• Jessie knows 85% of the game of football

Things like that. Please stay on script.

If I go out with one of your guys and have questions for you, you answer them. If I go out with one of your guys and don’t want to talk about it for whatever reasons, you stay out of it.

If your guy provides important feedback you think will make me happy, you tell me. If he provides negative feedback you think will upset me, you lie to me.

Because I am a very reasonable person (please add to bulletted list above), I ask that we go through this process twice and only twice. Unsuccessfully set me up once, shame on you. Unsuccessfully set me up twice, you don’t know what you’re doing.

If you accomplish a successful match – this being represented by my staying with your guy for one to three months – I will pay you $100 or give you a pair of my shoes (size 8, pre-selected from an exclusive grouping).

And of course, should the need arise, I will gladly return the favor by following the same process for you.

I don’t really see how this could not work. I find the approach to be simple, straight-forward, and built for success.

And so I’d like us all to date it forward — to find someone who needs someone and give them someone we know. Then perhaps someday that someone you gave someone will help find someone for you.