The guys-in-suits effect is as illogical as it is impenetrable. It is not rooted in deep thought or consideration. It is does not vary by part of country or continent. It is not tested or even really questioned. It’s just fact.

A group of men in well-fitting suits are of instant interest. Not khakis and a blazer or nice slacks and a dress shirt. Black or grey, three-button, straight-legged suits. Light shirt, simple tie.

Yes the sum of any group is comprised of its parts; a singular man in a well-fitting suit can be a site for sore eyes. But the guys-in-suits effect is only an effect because of the group. The principle holds that the individual appeal of each member present is positively affected by the power of the group at large.

To better explain: here is what goes through the female brain when she sees a group of men in suits:

• Well would you lookey there...
• Those men must all have jobs.
• Hhmm, though it could be that all those men just came from or are going to a very fun party where you dress up.
• Either way – this is good news…
• Let me take a closer look at all these guys-in-suits.
• MMmm, yes many of them might be good looking. It’s hard to tell because I’m so distracted by trying to figure out why they’re all wearing suits right now.
• Have they been hard at work all day raising money for an international charity that saves baby seals, water, and the auto industry?
• Did they just celebrate the Christening of their best friend’s brand new baby girl with a classy dinner party but wanted to cap off the night just like the good ‘old times?
• Either way – I can’t seem to stop looking at them…
• They definitely look better than most of the other guys in this place.
• Whatever the reason – they’ve really put some effort into the ensemble.
• Yes – yes I think I’d like to have one of these guys-in-suits.
• Now – which one…

It is – and I’m not proud of this – sometimes as simple as that.

Naturally the guys-in-suits effect grows more significant the further from 5pm and Wall Street the group is found. Guys-in-suits at O’Irish’s after the work bell rings are old hat. There’s also a law of diminishing return at places like weddings and funerals. In that circumstance guys in jeans and white Hanes undershirts would probably perform best. And though it should go without saying – bad suits are worse than no suits at all

But guys in decent-to-good suits in places and times otherwise unpopulated by guys-in-suits can only leads to girls-with-questions. And as previously discussed – 9 times out of 10, girls with questions about guys in bars will ask those questions at a volume loud enough to make their intentions clear.

Ergo – suit up. Groups of four or more work best. No small briefcases (“look! That guy has a murse”), black dress-shirts with silver shiny ties (“I’m pretty sure that kid wore that same outfit to his bar mitzvah”) or double-breasted jackets (No joke for this one – it’s really quite serious).