“Need me to write?,” I say, “Wow – what’s the issue.”
“I mean not need like so I can make something happen. It’s just I think it should be said.”
“Alright,” I say, “lay it on me.”
“Okay. I want you to write about how sometimes you can actually like a girl too much.”
“I’m sorry – what?”
“Like there are times when you can’t date a girl because you like her too much.”
“I’m still sorry – whaat?”
“I’m saying there are girls you don’t want to date because you don’t like them. But there are also girls you don’t want to date – no – it’s more like you can’t date them – because you do like them, too much.”
“So you like them but they don’t like you back you mean?”
“Okay – now I’m not sorry. That makes no fucking sense.”
“No no – listen. It’s like – you know that book all girls always talk about?”
“Pride and Prejudice?”
“No – the other one – the Sex and the City one?”
“Ha. Valid – it’s called He’s Just Not That Into You.”
“Yeah, right, that. I’m saying that sometimes he’s too into you to date you because a lot of things could go wrong and it’s too much.”
“I think I’m starting to follow…”
“Right – good. So it’s like you like her a ton and you know she likes you and it could maybe work out but she’s just – I don’t know – great – and so you just can’t go there.”
“See, now you’ve lost me again.”
“I’m serious. I’m in this situation right now. I fucking like this girl too much.”
“Okay. Let me see if I understand what you’re saying. You know a girl who you like – too much, apparently. You know she likes you back. You think it could really work out between you two. But you cannot make it happen because it could be “too much.”
“Exactly.”
“Okay. Well I can’t write about that.”
“What?! Why not?”
“The blog is a place of sense-making. That doesn’t .
“Dude it’s not bullshit. I’m telling you. It’s happening to me right now. I think this girl is really hot and funny and smart and she’s cool to hang out with and it’s all good but there’s no way I could make it anything more because of a lot of issues”
“What kind of issues?”
“Well like because she’s so great there’s a big chance I’ll fuck it up. And it would suck too much to fuck it up with this girl. So I can’t go there.”
“Right. Okay, but that’s only one issue.”
“Whatever — I mean yeah a little maybe, but it’s also even if I wasn’t afraid the timing just isn’t right.”
“Why not?”
“It just isn’t right for me.”
“Oh, okay. I see now.”
“Are you being sarcastic?”
“Now you feel bad about liking her too much? Get a hold of yourself!”
“No it’s just I feel bad because she probably thinks I don’t like her because I don’t make any moves and kinda make it seem like I don’t want anything to happen between us. And, I mean, I do that because I really don’t want anything to happen because of the issues, you know – but it’s not because I don’t like her. It’s because I do like her.”
“So let me make sure I have this straight. You want me to write a post letting girls know that sometimes the guy they really like and are pretty sure likes them isn’t making a move because he likes them too much to handle actually being with them?”
“Yeah – good – you’re welcome – I thought this would be good.”
“So would you like me to publish your name with this post so that woman kind can know who to thank?”
“Oh no, you can’t.”
“Why not? I mean if what you say is true then you’re really saving the self confidence of a lot of girls out there who think there’s something wrong with them when really, there’s just something wrong with you. Something very wrong.”
“True, but you still can’t. I’m pretty sure she reads your blog too.”
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Ummm…what?
I’m a guy, and this simply sounds to me like being afraid to go for it. Which is fine, and normal, but…yeah, not earth shattering news.
Dude, she likes you. Make any sort of move, even the lamest one in your repertoire, and you’re in. Everything else will sort itself out.
sorry he’s kind of lame – the conversation should have ended when it started…and telling him to MAN UP!
Just what we ladies need! Another reason why relationships that seem perfect in theory don’t get past that. And rumor has it girls are the ones who overcomplicate this stuff…
I do thank this guy for being honest with you, Jess, but can’t respect him for not being honest with the other Very Important Lady in this situation. 🙂
the dude needs to grow a pair
Man you made laugh hard!
great article , sounds like I am or been through that with the man I love though. arf..
I find this conversation fascinating because I am going through a VERY similar thing with the guy I like right now. He is the kindest, smartest, most soulful guy and I could talk to him for hours and hours. I have never known a guy who is so open and genuine. I see this guy and I think, “I could spend the rest of my life with him.” Me. The girl who can’t stay in a relationship if her life depended on it, and here I am, seeing this guy, and wanting him so badly that it hurts. Yes. Hurts.
I do think that fear plays a big role in my not talking to him about my feelings. He is a couple years younger than me and still has a lot to learn about the “real world,” which I feel divides us at times. He also has many friends who are girls and I am pretty sure that I am in the friend category only. These things prevent me from doing anything, and so I just continue to be his friend and confidant, which I suppose is for the best. Cowardly self-preservation, I guess. I just wanted to tell your friend, Jessie, that I know his fear and perhaps his pain, and that it works on both sides of the gender divide.
Um, were you gchatting with Chuck Bass?
omg blair waldorf reads your blog
They actually mention this in the movie How to Deal with Mandy Moore. Her character says something to the tune of, “The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try to have a relationship with them.”
Your g chat partner is not alone–in fact, his logic finds its roots in D-list 90s film.
The best part of this was the comments. I love(d) Gossip Girl and Mandy Moore, God bless her.
This is ridiculous. Has he encountered other males with this same problem? And the rate/frequency at which it happens? Otherwise we can assume he is the exception not the rule. Yes, thanks to HBO on demand I have seen “He’s Just Not That Into You” more times than is acceptable. This scenario will only feed into the crazy excuse list of reasons why he didn’t call/text/facebook/email/IM/etc. I’d rather assume he’s just not that into me.
She’s so awesome, that ONLY liking her is enough? Because if they tried being together, and it didn’t work then he wouldn’t be allowed to like her anymore and that’s not ok? Kinda like “never meet your heros” I think i got it?
I have this exact same problem right now! Although I actually tried to ask her out, and she took it as a friendly drink. I get too weird around her to have a normal conversation. The emotion is just too much! As a result its almost certain a relationship wouldn’t work: I don’t think she would see my true personality. She’s just too awesome a human.
Also, once I had to make the excuse I was annoyed and having a bad day to hide my emotion, then cudnt take it anymore and went home asap while she must have thought I was a negative looser. Its a massive problem and anyway you swing it its not gonna work. I can’t even be friends with the girl I love.