I’m at the elevator bank of this random building on 22nd street yesterday afternoon.
On the floor are two offices – the one I was at and this vague marketing company with a really nice font on their door. It’s fonts like those that really set you apart, I thought.
Out of the nice-font-office door walk two girls. One in normal prep girl clothing (winter white pants, pink J. Crew scarf, purple striped button down, grey coat, headband) and one dressed like what Christina Aguilera would wear if she were being a chic vampire for Halloween (leather leggings, 8 inch stilhettos, a sort black trench coat with a ballerina tutu under it combo, blue/black hair, blood red lipstick).
Vamp and Prep are mid conversation about something I assumed applied to work.
- Vamp: …so Matt was telling me about this case study he recent read on China.
- Prep: Mmm yeah?
- Vamp: I can’t remember what it’s called – some pavlov or machiavelli? no – I don’t know – it have some name, this maxim – this theory but it’s totally tested….
- Prep: Hhmm. I don’t know either.
- Vamp: Right – that shit’s impossible to remember
- Prep: Mmmm.
- Vamp: So anyway it goes like – because the people in China had no food, they couldn’t focus on anything but getting food. And so the society couldn’t progress because they were stuck, because they were starved.
- Prep: Whoa.
- Vamp: Yeah – but it like makes total sense. They can’t be cultured or interesting or progressive because they’re so hungry. Because of the government.
- Prep: God that’s so bad.
- Vamp: I knoooow.
At this point we’re all in the elevator together. I’m listening because I can’t not listen. And, I’ll be honest, I have hopes this tested starvation maxim theory case study is going to link to some piece of marketing genius. I’m telling you, that font was really something…
Then – this.
- Vamp: So it just completely made me realize something.
I damn near turned to her and said, “what?! what did it make you realize?!!”
- Vamp: I am being starved emotionally just like the people in China were starved for food!!!
- Prep: Mmmm.
- Vamp: Nick is starving me emoootionally JUST like those chinese people were starved for food. And I can’t think about anything else – not work, not my laundry, not Christmas presents, not anything because I’m so hungry. You know!?
As my friend Chris often says (electronically) – dihwrutgbdkidetroyhtha?!?!?!
It took everything I had not to turn to her and say, “No – no I don’t know. Can you run through that one more time so I can fully confirm it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard?” Luckily Prep handled it.
- Prep: Ummm, I’m not sure I get that.
- Vamp: Ugh me neither. I think I need to talk to Matt about it. He read that case study more carefully. What do you want to eat? I’m so hungry!
This time I couldn’t help it. I just laughed outloud.
She didn’t even look my way. Guess she really is trapped in that chamber of nothingness by the Big Brother tactics of Nick her Chinese government.
She should seek asylum. Literally.
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