Among the endless fascinating things about match.com (the guy-in-ballpark-with-one- male-friend-picture phenomenon, the fact that options for the “do you drink?” field are “no, not really”, “yes, one to two drinks”, or “regularly”, and that I’m universally attractive to 35 year old Indian men) is the reaction you get when you tell people you’ve joined.
Drop the “so I’m trying out match” bomb on any close friend, co-worker, or my mom and watch as that person’s entire opinion of online dating, off-line dating, and your personal chances for success at either come rolling out in one to two sentences, heavy on the tone.
Being from New Jersey, I’m no stranger to mixed reaction at information carrying a well-known stigma, but the match scenario comes with an added layer. First there’s the reaction. Then come the endless questions — how does it work? are there hot guys on it? How many dates have you had so far? Do you feel weird about it? Are you afraid you’re going to see someone you know on there?!? (right but then they would be on there too…) And the questions come no matter the reaction. Someone will, in one breath, say, “wow, that’s crazy, I’d never do it” and then in the next, “so, hey…how many guys on it would you say are roughly 28 and live in the Murray Hill area – just out of curiosity).
Here are a few of my faves. Included is what the person really meant to say and how I really would have liked to have responded. My responses may sound defensive because I am defending myself.
- Reaction: Wait…you’re doing match?
- Meaning: Match is for losers and desperate people. I didn’t (previously) think you were either of those.
- Response: While I appreciate the fact that you think I can easily meet lots of men who want to date me in natural places like bars and Whole Foods – this is not the case and I am therefore examining options outside bars and grocery stores.
- Reaction: Wait you’re doing match?
- Meaning: I’ve noted that you’re not meeting men who want to date you, but isn’t there some better option than match.com?
- Response: Perhaps there is. If you know of one slash it, please let me know. In the meantime, I’ll try this first because it’s really popular and if it’s awful I’ll move on from there. That said I won’t do eharmony and neither should you because they don’t accept the gays.
- Reaction: Match is just for people who want to hook up
- Meaning: You will only find assholes slash players who you can easily find for free
- Response: Who told you that and can I please contact them for further information? And, what exactly then are bars at 2am for?
- Reaction: But then you’ll have to tell people you met on match.com…
- Meaning: And that is really bad and lame and not particularly romantic.
- Response: If I had to choose between “oh, you met on on-line…interesting” and “so, still not having any luck with the guys, huh?” I’d pick the former. Also, I can lie.
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Having studied abroad in India, this is TOTALLY normal there! Guys basically post their resumes online with the full and complete expectation that doting and determined parents will critique their credentials to discern a proper match for their lovely daughter. That said, 1) obviously you’re finding lots of 35yr old Indian men but 2) it’s also totally normal when you look at this from a universal perspective. America just needs to get on the boat. And btw, I’ve scoped out guys on Match too. Not gone on a date (yet), but I have to say the prospects looked more hopeful than the bars I’ve been in lately.
Good luck!
Might take you a bit longer than three months, so don’t hold your breath! Match is indeed the best site for the “more than a fling, but less than a ring” crowd (unless the men you contact are over 30, then the ring is back in play). I would say that you would only move on from Match to eHarmony or a themed site (e.g., JDate) when you’re looking for marriage. Good luck!
PS Lavalife is for (what they term) “intimate encounters” even though that’s only one of their three offerings.
PPS You’ll need a really good story for where you met, although I know people using “through friends” (because you count the Cupid and Fate guys as new friends!).
PPPS Want to swap the favor of writing testimonials for each other? Let me know.
There’s certainly a stigma surrounding online dating services, but that stigma was created back in the day when Google didn’t rule the world and 90% of our days are spent online…I predict that one day this will not be weird at all.
In many ways it makes a whole lot of sense – you’re finding out a ton of information before you drop tons of time and money on someone that is simply not a fit.
The reason why I wouldn’t do it, though (at least not now) is that part of the fun in life is the weird chance that SOMETHING will come up, at some RANDOM time, and it will feel so damn good when it does. It’s the “let the chips fall as they may” type thing that keeps me going – and the more formal, “scientific” approach is less appealing.
Good luck. If nothing else, the experience will provide some good blog material for you. I have to say the best part about the online match-up is that if you end up going out, you are not wondering “Is this a date?” (which may happen with an acquaintance, former co-worker, or any other vague “hey’s let’s meet up” invitation). It’s clear from the beginning that you both know you’re on a date, which is actually very helpful.
i agree with julie. my experience on match.com has been hilarious so far! keep us posted.
I have friends with very mixed reviews. One friend has now married the first guy she talked to on match.com after dating for 2 years. One girl swears that only douchebags are on match.com and cancelled her account after 4 months. Based on these, plus several other reviews, maybe match.com is the equivalent of searching through the messy unorganized piles and racks of clothes at Filene’s Basement or Nordstrom Rack. If you have the patience and the time, you can find that awesome shirt (guy) that goes perfectly with your new black skinny jeans (you).
Dear Anonymous who lived in India… aren’t arranged marriages ALSO totally normal there? Hmmm. But anyway, I’m not judging, I too have tried my luck on mdc. Please see my comment to the Feb. 27 entry. Please. It’s worth it.
Hi guys, I was hoping for a little advice please. I joined Match a couple months ago and you know had a bit of attention and what not (I am however NOT the type to go home with strangers! But I do like to flirt 😛 ). Well there was one bullet I definitely dodged, who seemed nice at first, but once I said I wasn’t interested went nuts and claimed he would’ve had sex and left anyway! There are now two hopefuls but both appear to also just want to hook up.
I know a lot of women probably do use the site for that purpose but I was really hoping to be treated to an actual date, as in my past relationship I put most of the work in =/
I wouldn’t mind “hooking up” or whatever, but really I would like it to lead somewhere (therefore I most probably would play hard to get, rather than be easy). I haven’t been on a date since my ex, which was a year and a half ago, I’ve had a couple flings but nothing serious per se.
If you guys could please advise me on what to do (and possibly what to wear?!) that would be great thank you 🙂
Kat, from UK
Oh also I should mention I am a flirt and eye up guys all the time, but never act upon it – I’m very picky ha.