“So we’d been talking for awhile – you know talking like I think he’s getting me and I’m getting him,” my friend Kim is saying to me over the best Thai meal under $20 this city has to offer, “and then he looks at me and says, ‘you know, you’d be a lot prettier if you weren’t so witty.”
I have a lot of trouble controlling my reactions to unexpected things. I laugh very loudly in sharp, cutting bursts. I sometimes smack people upside the whatever-body- part-is-closest as a, NO WAAY. And in instances when I find myself shocked and without proper verbal explanation I am known to cover my eyes with my hands and yell “AAAHHH.” I did this when Kim said that.
“Yep – that’s what he said,” she said, “you’d be prettier if I weren’t so witty. What. Does. That. Mean??”
I was afraid that I knew what it meant – but at the moment I couldn’t get beyond how weird it sounded.
- attractive ——–> so angry
- hot ——–> such a whore
- ugly ———> a chivalrous man (okay, I’m done now)
Can’t deny that those thoughts impact the way our eyes assess a person’s looks. Yes step one is instinctual reaction – this person’s face is symmetrical and therefore beautiful to me – that’s science. But give it a few months – or years – and yeah they may actually start to “look” different. Apparently this guy only needed a few minutes.
You’ve got to give him points for honesty – dude dove head first essentially saying “I would like your face better if what was coming out of it was different/better/less annoying.”
What scares me is that he said what I chronically fear guys are thinking. It makes me angry that I understand him…
The witty pretty is well documented – Elizabeth Bennett, Mae West, Gypsy Rose Lee, Mary Louise Parker in every character she ever plays. They tend to be successful, powerful, admired – and famously single. It’s not that they can’t hook a man — it’s that they have a penchant for verbal diarrhea involving confusing analysis, quick comebacks, and jokes that are funny to – well – mostly them. This, understandably, is not a man’s first-choice approach — and definitely not this man’s. It goes against the age-old archetype of how a woman is supposed to behave, but that’s getting into dangerous territory — back to this guy…
This girl is pretty. Really pretty actually. I want to sit here and look at her and enjoy how pretty she is and imagine having all that pretty in my bed. But she keeps talking. And her talking is all challenging and packed with shit that it’s distracting. I think she’s trying too hard — like putting on a show or something. So I can’t just sit here and enjoy her hot eyes because I keep having to focus on what I’m going to say next and what she’s going to say next and if I’m going to understand it. This would be a lot more fun if she was just listening and laughing and not being so involved. She’d be hotter if I could just think about the fact that she’s hot. Instead I have to think about all the shit she’s saying, which is annoying because I’m not nearly as into what she’s saying as I am in what her face looks like. Bummer.
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I think being witty is an added points, what kind of people dont like that?:)
I like to think of myself as a witty woman, following in the footsteps of Elizabeth Bennett, Lorelai Gilmore, and CJ Cregg. I like to banter and deliver clever comebacks. However, this post brings to the surface a fear of mine about whether or not my brazenly-delivered opinions are scaring off the men. Sometimes, I wonder if my wry humor gives me a hard, unattractive edge. I always tell myself that I will find a guy who will appreciate my sense of humor. But the comment made by Kim’s guy flirts dangerously with the idea that men are solely interested in the physical appeal of women. I don’t want to believe this to be true, but my personal experience kind of proves that it might be.
“It goes against the age-old archetype of how a woman is supposed to behave”
If men are still supposed to be chivalrous shouldn’t women still just shut the fuck up?
(Carrie Bradshaw said it, not me)
any guy who wants a silent, unintelligent woman is an idiot and not worth you ladies’ time
It’s pretty shitty that you can’t be witty and pretty. There’s plenty of time for talking and listening, looking and hooking – but now he’s lost it all – pity the foool. And, Meme is right, pretty fades, but witty lasts forever (if you can even find it in the first place)
i can’t believe he would say that. i mean one would think being witty is a good thing… but this post did bring up some of my own insecurities that perhaps guys rather their women not to banter with ’em or be quite as quick.
I like a woman who can keep up. And sarcasm is an art. Sure there has been the attraction to the occasional ditz from time to time, but a woman who can banter is sexy.
There is a fine line between clever/witty, however, and offensive. And I’m sure any woman reading this blog has met a guy who doesn’t know what’s inappropriate and takes a joke/convo too far. Tha same is true for clever women.
For either sex, sometimes the more you have to say, the easier it is to put your foot in your mouth. Better that than the silent nodder/smiler. How annoying is that crap?
As the Kim in question, I should explain that it is entirely possible I stuck my foot in my mouth during the conversation, because I wasn’t physically attracted to or interested in this guy and, therefore, not censoring my comebacks and retorts the way you occasionally need to when trying to bed/date/win over a potential specimen. Also, I was three drinks deep. But that’s an entirely different can of worms.
My response was as follows: “What the fuck did you just say?” (classy, right?)
The guy then immediately backpedaled. I got the half-panic/half-shock/oh-fuck-i-pissed-it-off look, a “Hey, you know what I mean though, right? Right?”
Had I kept my head, he probably would have broken down the comment and what it meant for me and all of us. But I got insecure for a hot second and gave him the full-on brush off, and he sort of slunk away with his tail between his legs.
But it did confirm one of my bigger fears — that my mouth and mind, usually an asset, give me an edge that is unappealing, not alluring.
However, I have been with multiple partners who said that my mouth and sense of humor were the genesis of their attraction, and that looking good naked was just a bonus. So it’s a double-edged sword maybe?