My friend John calls the other day (this friend John) as I’m walking home from work.

“Jessie,” he says like he always does, “I want to talk to you about quarterlife crises.”

These are the kind of calls you start to get when you write this blog.

He and our friend Kurt (this friend Kurt) had been talking about how 80% of their guy group was in some state of flux brought on by the 26-year mile marker. For whatever (different) reasons all of that set was pursuing a change — career change, relationship change, location change.

John wanted my take on what it really is and why it happens.

Hate the term, but am fairly “yeah true” about the “oh shit” that hitting many of us right now. We’ve been at “life” for about 4-5 years — long enough to know whether or not we love/hate/can tolerate what we’ve “chosen to do.”

Like I told John — I think we have quarter life crises these days because we can. When my father was 26 he had me, a house, a dog, and my Mom (not in that order). He may not have been in love with his then career, but he didn’t have the luxury to go on a 6-month “find himself” to Thailand. As such he’ll have to take his crisis at mid-life where it formerly belonged.

Part of why we freak out is because we can. We have the time (and often parental support) to lose our shit at 26/27 and go back to school for a masters in anthropology (very trendy).

But that doesn’t mean every QLC has the same “born by.” From my view they exist in three different categories.

The you thought you knew what you wanted.

You left college knowing that a life in hard news would feed your soul for life. You scored one of those sweet NBC page program gigs that are exactly as Kenneth portrays. Manhattan is your oyster, and in that blue blazer it’s women are your fan club. Life: check.

Year one: the news is sexy, exciting, stimluating. Year two: the news is sexy, stimulating, exhausting. Year three: the news has put on a little weight… Year four: you’d rather work in a toll booth.

Now what the fuck?

It’s a classic reverse eat-your-vegetables scenario. You can’t know you hate it unless you try it. You can’t know you like it unless you live it.

The relationships QLF version of this is that you’re still with your college boy/girlfriend you thought you wanted to marry but now know you don’t. Break up. Please, please break up.

The knew you didn’t know aaanndd still don’t.

You entered the world full-well-knowing you didn’t know what you wanted. Maybe you liked Africa so you went there for awhile. Maybe you liked kids so you taught some of them. Maybe you liked the idea of LA so you moved there.

Yours was a bide-my-time strategy until something triggers something that looks like a direction. You are likely in or applying to some form of grad school right now. Life isn’t so much “on hold” — but if someone asked you what you’d be doing five years from now you’d lie and or just walk away.

Relationship version: You were/still are dabbling but get the sneaky suspicion that a lack of any plan equals egg-harvesting at 35. That said you have no idea how to go about getting someone to date you.

The — you’re actually fine but everyone’s making you think you should be freaking out.
I did pilates every day for around 3 years because every made it seem like it was the path to a life of perfect abs and legs. This is that but now pilates is freak-out-about-my-progress.
Most/some/many? people are actually just fine trucking along not quiiite sure if it’s working or where it’ll take them. They’re “doing it” — a job, a higher degree, a relationship. They might fail, they might get bored, they might wake up at 28 and realize they forgot to get engaged, but right now they’re too busy to worry about it. Until, that is, everyone else starts worrying about it in their face.
Peer pressure is powerful. It’s what I think triggers this whole quarterlife crisis situation in all three categories. But, “I should be freaking out” and “I am freaking out” are two different things. I don’t know how you figure out which one you’ve got going on. I tend to find myself somewhere in the, “I think I maybe should be freaking out but don’t really know what I’d freak out about” group. In other words — I’m fine.
So are you having one?

Maybe, but probably not. Does indecisions around your work, relationship, savings account prevent you from enjoying every day pleasures like Yogurtland? Would you rather curl up in a ball and make pro-con lists about law school than go out drinking with your friends? Does the idea of moving to a shanty town in Nevada seem more appealing than finding a new job in your current city?

If so, seek help. But if not, you might just be having a little trouble taking a next step — big or small. If CNN wants to call that a quarterlife crisis, fine. I’m just going to call it an interesting life.