Why not, then, a comprehensive tally of every man from the past? The one’s that got away, the one’s that stayed too long, the one’s you thought would call but didn’t – the one’s you didn’t call – a complete love ledger of every lesson learned, or to be…

If you really want to make a change, get out of a rut, figure out where you’re going wrong – don’t you first need a full list of evidence? 

Look at it this way. Making a list of every guy who’s crossed your path (you can narrow it down to decades if it makes matters less suicide-inducing) will either make you feel better about yourself and your past further motivating you to keep doin’ what you’re doin’ or it will leave you so destroyed about the bleak/miserable/awkward facts that you’ll be shamed into change. 

• Step one:  Purchase alcohol. You’ll need it to get and remain honest and, depending on how things go, pass out.

• Step two:  Find a calendar. You think you’ll remember all the dates and details but you’ll be drinking so you won’t.

• Step three: Don’t lie. It’s you and a piece of paper here. If you can’t be honest with yourself about this list then you should talk to a professional (thus proving that making the list works – HA).

• Step four: Include every last detail. Name. (codes like “ACC Jay” are fine).  Length of “relationship” (you can include what you would say, but should probably also include what he would say…). Nature of “relationship” (“lots of dates” or “mostly sex”). Nature of “relationship” ending (“he stopped called” counts…). Lesson learned, if a lesson was learned (guys divorced for less than 6 months are trouble).

• Step five:  Make like a detective.  Look for patterns (you always go for self-centered guys).  Note consistencies (you’ve only ever gone on dates with people who’ve asked you out).  Pay attention to weird details (you are only ever dating someone from April to November).  Note: if this is too difficult make someone else like your detective.  You will need another bottle of alcohol if this is the case.

• Step six: Finish bottle. Let tough love set in. Fold and hide or tear and throw away list. Vow to change ways. Pass out.

• The next day(s): It’s about being aware of what you do and (hopefully) why you do it.  If the realization is, “shit I’ve never in my life asked someone out” then maybe try that.  If it’s, “Wow, I only date guys who I know through work and then that always ends up getting awkward” stop doing that.  If you get it all down and see that 3 out of the 5 guys who’ve dumped you in the past two years were named Brian”….  Treat it like a budget slash diet.  Note the issues — make some modifications.