Skipping TextfromLastNight Tuesdays because this just could not wait. (Chris and Molly deserve full credit for concept). Mom — eye muffs.
It started (something) like so:
- Chris – do you think people do or do not count halvsies as sex?
- Me in my head – what is halvsies…why don’t I know…have I done it…has it been done to me…how can I get out of this conversation, go find out, and come back without him knowing….
- Chris – you know, like if you start having sex but then the girl – or I guess the guy but probably never the guy – is like, “wait, no, I don’t want to” after a minute.
- Me in my head – PHEW
- Me – Right. Totally. And yeah, of course that counts.
- Chris – Right?! That’s what I said, but Molly said no girls claim them, even if they have 100 of them, none count against their number
- Me – What?!
- Chris – Right — ’cause a guy counts that every time.
Right now you are thinking one of the following things:
- SHIT my mind is blown! How has this issue not come up before?!?! People are cheaters. Cheaters and liars and down-players of sex partner numbers! What a world!
- Hahaha. Funny that guys and girls think different things! But wait — which is right and if it’s Chris then who can I consult for a second opinion, and if the second opinion sides with Chris then can I just starting counting from zero now?
- Jessie, what in God’s name does eye muffs mean and what are you thinking writing this smut!
I like to be as open-minded and lax with interpretation as possible, but there are no grey lines on this issue. If it goes in and out — one time, two times, five times – condom, no condom, you can’t quite remember — it is intercourse. I don’t need to go all Webster New American regarding penetration and consent. Bottom line — P in V and you’ve racked up another notch on the bed post my friend.
..But it was super quick…and I changed my mind right away…and I barely felt it…and you know what I don’t even think he was all the way in…
I get it — and if you’re sorry that happened then I’m sorry that happened, but you had sex. And much like you can’t be a sort of pregnant — you can’t sort of have sex. You’re welcome to lie about it so you don’t feel like whatever having sex you regret makes you feel like (like I said — very open-minded), but then you’re lying about it, so just know that and move on from there.
This — and the very clear male female divide on it — raises several significant questions. First off — is Molly right? Do all girls not count halvsies, kindas, and just a little bits?
I believe they count, so that’s one for the other side. I asked 4 other girls who do too, so that’s five. But Molly has a very good point. Using zero logic or science but a very good sense of style, I’m going to say 70% of women lie about their sex number by not counting sort-of’s. Do they start lying at a certain number? Do they only lie to guys? Do they count the ones with guys they technically liked but not with ones they can’t remember?
I don’t think it divides out that specifically. I think if you’re either comfortable with casual sex or uncomfortable with lying about the truth then you count it. If you’re not, you don’t — no specifications by height of man or time of day. Except I do think girls count halvsies with goal guys — but that’s another post.
Next question: why do all guys count it?
A. Because having a higher sex number holds different – fine, saying it – more value to most guys. It’s a double-standard, yes, but well perpetuated by both genders, so calm down. Also I think there’s a weird B. where because the man actually does the inserting of the member into the woman there’s something more official and requiredly countable about it.
And finally — but this is getting into different territory entirely — are girls smart to not count them because having a high number is a major turn off to guys? Well, wait, also – do you have to tell a guy you’re dating seriously your number? And then I guess that begs the question, should guys be concerned about girls with a higher number than them? And is that fair? And don’t most girls technically care how high a guys number is but just deal with it because it’s expected?
That makes many more questions… More more questions I’m unprepared to answer…for now
For now let’s stick with today’s absolute truth: halvsies count — definitely.
Sooo now that you know that, you may as well finish.
Mom, I warned you.
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I agree with you- halvsies count. If penetration happens then you had “sex.” If you want to not count times weren’t you didn’t finish the act, then can you also omit times where you didn’t orgasm? People you didn’t really like? Times you were drunk? No, it’s all sex.
As far as telling people your number, I don’t think that anyone should have to disclose their number unless they want to. I just don’t think it’s a new partner’s business. It is their business whether you have/had STDs or children, but not how many people you slept with. But I do think that if you want to know their number, you must disclose your own. It’s only fair.
One of my friends used to not count the halvsies and every time she started telling a story that involved any type of halvsie, we’d all break out into the chant we created just for those instances. And now I will share it with you here. PENETRATION EQUALS SEX. PENETRATION EQUALS SEX. PENETRATION EQUALS SEX. It’s catchy, no?
I just keep two lists. They deserve to be separate because most of the halvsies aren’t even memorable or worthwhile enough to keep on a master list. I’m not ashamed of either list, but I definitely keeping two running ones. It doesn’t boil down to numbers, it boils down to whether or not it was a lame ass experience.
Oh, it counts! Though I suspect more women would say that than men. 🙂
Wow, this is absolutely fascinating! I have been thinking a lot about this concept lately – a woman’s number. A woman recently told me that she didn’t want her number to go any higher this summer, so when she went home for the summer she resolved to have sex only with guys already on her list. That blows my mind! She had tons of sex with four different guys that she’s had sex with in the past. And she’s so happy that she got away with something! But does that make sense? Why does it matter how many guys? When thinking about how sexually active you are, isn’t is more relevant to talk about how many times you’ve had sex? Or maybe it’s the STI factor – a smaller number makes you “cleaner?” Very interesting discussion, thank you.
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Susan, just for the sake of keeping down STI’s 🙂 – the number of partners you have is not as important to your sexual health as being monogamous. If person A has sex with one person a year for 20 years, and person B has sex with 5 people interchangeably but consistently for 20 years, person B is at much higher risk of contracting an STI then person a – the reason being that those 5 people are also likely to be having sex with other people whilst having sex with person B and this thus widens the pool of possible STI carriers.
And so the lesson is – the total number of people you’ve slept with is not as important to your sexual health as the number of sexual partners one has at any given time. Thankfully for me…
Ok,
Here’s one to consider also and also a little weird. Does dry humping count as sex? I ask this because if both of you are wearing underwear and maybe also cotton shorts or something, but the member is kind of felt in the opening (while I’m not sure if I would tell someone that this is sex, I still feel if you’re trying to be pure that this would be considered as “sexual”)is this considered sexual activity/sexual intercourse?
Ok,
Here’s one to consider also and also a little weird. Does dry humping count as sex? I ask this because if both of you are wearing underwear and maybe also cotton shorts or something, but the member is kind of felt in the opening (while I’m not sure if I would tell someone that this is sex, I still feel if you’re trying to be pure that this would be considered as “sexual”)is this considered sexual activity/sexual intercourse?
Halvsies totally count
What about if it happens before you understand what sex is though? What if a five-year-old boy puts his penis in his five-year-old friend’s vagina, completely unaware of the significance?