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She Posts We Post: Unexpected Radio Silence

July 16, 2009

For Debate: Do you need to be apart before you can be married?

July 16, 2009

She Posts, We Post, Tall Pale Posts!

July 16, 2009

This trumps Thursday First Dates. Thanks to your many comments (and criticisms?) Tall Pale speaks!

Tall Pale here. First off, two big thank yous; one to Jessie to posting this story, and one to those of you who have commented. It’s good to see what people’s thoughts are on this, aside from the many lovely ladies I spoke with on this very topic over (too much?) white wine the other evening.

I’d like to clarify a few things that I’ve seen posted, and offer my own reasoning/explanation for what happened.

  • First off, to avoid any Destiny’s Child/”Say My Name” confusion, Casper did definitely mean to text me that Friday, because he referenced my name in the text and mentioned the geographic location of my long weekend vacation (unless he knows tons of other Tall Pales who were in the state I was in at the time I was there — you never know).
  • Second, regarding the “maybe he was wasted when he texted you that Friday” responses, I tend to think that he wasn’t completely smashed when he texted me (a) because it wasn’t that late on a Friday (it was around 9 or so) and (b) because the two other times I hung out with him, he didn’t drink that much. Now I know some of you might say, “well, he could have gotten drunk at a happy hour from 6 to 8:30, then texted you”, but Casper works kind of crazy hours in financial services, so I’m thinking that even if he did get out on the early side, he wouldn’t have been to the drunk-texting stage of his evening by 9:00/9:30. Of course, despite all my Columbo/Lenny Briscoe detective work, we’ll never really know the answer to this one until AT&T offers a texting Breathalizer (one day!).
  • Also, in response to the “maybe I should have been more in touch with him while I was away/after I got back” responses, it should be noted (not that most of you would have reason to know this because you have never met me) that I am very traditional regarding my approach to communications with boys that are not my platonic friends, which is to say that in the early stages of dating I definitely rely on the guy to initiate communication with me, so I was never going to be the one contacting him while I was away or thereafter. Call it what you will, but that is, for better or worse, how I roll.

Now that the clarifications are out of the way, I think that the best explanation for “what happened” does sadly fall in the Greg Behrendt school of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
If he were that into me, I tend to think he would have been in touch earlier in the week and have made sure that we hung out, if not during the week I was back, then at least over the weekend.
The thing that’s hard is that before I went away, he was doing everything that (in my mind) he should have been doing to make sure I thought he was into me (i.e., regularly emailing/calling/texting, trying to get together before I went away), so to have the sudden drop-off and flakiness on his part was unexpected.
I’m certainly not going to spend any more time crying over spilt milk (and will not be responding to Casper’s texts or voicemails (if any) going forward), but it just annoying to me when a guy’s way of telling you that he’s not feeling it is by dropping off the face of the planet or, in this case, making a brief Halley’s Comet-like appearance on my cell phone, never to appear again (in this lifetime at least).

5 comments

  1. Ya know, gmail now has ’email goggles’ that prevent drunk email sending. I’m hoping ‘text goggles’ aren’t that far in the future.

    On a separate note, TP–did you realize your faux-nitials correspond with bathroom tissue?

    Sometimes dudes are douches. Wine is best. And 40s, when on a budget!

  2. OMG I’ve put up with SO MUCH BS like this. At one point I realized there must have been at least a hundred, if not more, random player douchebags blue-toothing their way through LA with my # stored in their phone “just in case”.

    I didn’t even keep track of them in my phone, so I had no clue who the “hey it’s been a while, what you doing tonight?” messages where coming from.

    Sure, it’s partly my fault because I actually GAVE these guys my #, but whatever.

    Just like the He’s-Just-Not-That-Into-You-Porcupine-Hair-Metrosexual-Writer says, we will NEVER UNDERSTAND why they do these things.

    I think it’s the “bagel in the morning” theory – he always wants a bagel in the morning, not that you always want to eat the bagel, but you just wants it available. (credit to Real World Miami in the 90’s). “Well maybe I’ll wanna go out w/ her at some point so might as well text her now to keep the door open”

    Anyway, lame, he’s not worth your time. But great content for blogging!!!

  3. Can I just add that in this day and age of Facebook-based relationships and online dating and people-on-the-go, etc., that flakiness breeds flakiness. Not to defend the guy here whatsoever, but I know that, personally, after being flaked out on by girls numerous times, it often seems to make sense to plan a weekend out with multiple options. I wish it weren’t that way, but lately I feel like if girls are always going to be keeping their options open (and lord knows they tend to have their options), then it’s only wise for us guys to do the same. Again, not condoing what Casper did, but just think it’s symptomatic of a larger trend where nobody feels responsibility anymore to make plans and stick to it, even if something better comes up. I mean, whatever happened to sucking it up and doing some only out of a sense of obligation? In this day and age of every weekend containing approximately 37 Facebook “events”, it’s easy to see why people are jsut getting flakier and flakier. Who’s with me?

    – DB

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