Now we’ve got a nice groove going.
Some TFLN’s are funny because they’re gross — others because they’re pathetic and 99% because you’ve been there, texted that.
But this one is funny in that ha-shit-good-point-now-what-else way…
(585): i’m in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer… but a straightener. get me out of here… NOW
Here, in my opinion, is “what else”:
fungal cream of any variety
First because it’s gross and evidence of some real viral skin issues that you don’t want touching any part of you that’s likely involved in the reasons you’re in his bathroom in the first place. Secondly because of the Seinfeld episode. As a general rule: when your dating life features a moment that imitates a Steinfeld episode, abort.
vague prescriptions with the name of some girl on the label
Which means one of the following:
- he lives with some girl — not good
- he stole from some girl — potentially worse
- he buys drugs from some girl — just embarrassing
toilet paper with colorful patterns on it — unless it’s that bacon toilet paper
I’m talking about that toilet paper with the pastel flowers or little birds imprinted all over it. I know, he probably just grabbed it off the shelf, and who cares? I’m saying look before you buy bumble bee Charmin Ultra for your bachelor pad, and I care. Bacon strip toilet paper is disqualified from judgement (negative at least) because that shit’s just funny.
Juggs
Playboy, fine. Hustler, ugh but I get it. Juggs — red flag. First because if you have it that’s one thing; if you have it so obviously in the bathroom then you probably just used it that morning. And secondly — ala the Seinfeld rule — when your dating life mirrors a Sex & the City episode starring Charlotte (pre Harry…bless him), abort.
Hair products in a greater quantity or quality than your own
A. I’m a tad competitive. B. My V in the Alphabet Dealbreaker game is Vain. and C. In these hard economic times is it really cost effective to be buying $22 shampoo when you have nice dinners to buy for loving girls?
a professional shorts themed shower curtain
This foreshadows a very big fight around whether or not framed sports-related posters will adorn an otherwise perfectly decorated living room…
dirty towels
Let’s not overlook the small stuff.
flecks of toothpaste in the sink
A personal pet peeve that I assume I share with the logical, mildly-OCD population. If at the end of your brushing session you note that there remain tiny spots of toothpaste in or around the sink, wipe them off. They are not decoration. They are not invisible to the naked eye. And they are not easy to get off when they dry. Also, use less toothpaste, brush until it foams, and spit out in a more focused-toward-the-drain manner.
Regarding what you do if you find one of these things on your first boy-bathroom visit? I’d weight it against the other features of his place of living — i.e. if his bedroom still features that Bob-Marley-shrouded-in-a-cloud-of-pot-smoke poster, run.
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Jessie, I am OCD about bathroom cleanliness too. Which I do NOT think is a bad thing.
I would like to add- pee spots around the rim of the toliet AND/OR leaving the seat up. If his mother didn’t teach him, you’re S.O.L.
I loathe the toothpaste in the sink mess. My roommate does not share my concern. Woof.
Dirty bathrooms are the worst! I definitely judge people by the cleanliest of the bathroom, haha
I also am very allergic and really just don’t like cats, so it would be a deal breaker for me to walk in and see that a guy had a cat.
Pee spots indeed.
Yet another thing is dirty laundry – once walked into a bathroom literally invaded by used, smelly boxers, t-shirts, socks.. Never saw the guy again.