You think things are going fairly well.
Maybe you’ve hooked up once or twice. Perhaps you connected really well at some bar or house party. Could be you went on what you believed was a bonafide date.
Then this text: hey kiddo – going to be late to the bar but c u there ltr
Or this email: hey kiddo – sure I’d be up for that movie. Let me know when you were thinking of going. Cool? Later.
Or this voicemail (though I maintain guys don’t leave voicemail): hey kiddo, it’s _______, nah I’m not going to be down the shore this weekend, but have fun.
You thought wrong.
I firmly – and with strong support from several normal males – maintain that the “kiddo” is conclusive. It says, “I think you are adorable, wonderful, fun, my good friend, generally attractive, but in no way do I see myself legitimately dating you.”
You’re wrinkling your face. Don’t you wrinkle your face at me yet. Consider:
Many – no – most salutations do not include the word “kiddo.” The go “hey” or “hi” or “Jessie-” or they just launch right into whatever needs to be said. The kiddo is a deliberate addition. Consider further:
The purpose of a salutation is to launch into communication with a set tone. “Dear Sir” – you’re formal. “Morning Mom!” – you’re asking for money. “Listen,” – you’re about to flip your shit. We go, “how’m I feeling? what’m I saying?” and then translate that into the first words of our message sos to lay it out there.
And so, as Matt so eloquently noted over beef bone marrow and pork tongue at dinner club last night (and that’s no easy task), “yes, it’s a forced effort to make things more casual.”
It is. And unlike a guy who says, “dude!” at you before he launches into conversation – since I know that’s the argument you’re about to bring up – the kiddo moniker has an air of little sister about it. I won’t go so far as to call it demeaning — it’s certainly not meant to be — but it speaks to this guy viewing you as sweet, little, sisterly. Those are not feelings you wed to hotness or passion. Dude is current, modern, almost like saying “like” in between every other word. It’s just the way we speak. Kiddo does not qualify as such. But also, if a guy consistently referred to me as dude I’d ask him to stop.
Druckman concurs over gchat:
- me: druck – have a second for a quick question?
- Druckman: absolutely
- me: guy calls you (a girl) “kiddo” – kiss of death?
- Druckman: I don’t like it
- Druckman: awkward, fartherly type conotation – maybe even a little demeaning – sp.?
Demeaning was spelled right, conotation wasn’t – Druckman should be trusted regardless.
Regarding the difference between kiddo and kid – as in the famous “here’s look at you…” Yeah, he loved her at one point throwing support to the nicknaming game, but that was 1942 and – SPOILER ALERT – he leaves her.
So I’m not saying it’s a guarantee, a 100% of cases, or a surefire sign – but I’d take pause at a “kiddo” and at two or three or four, I’d start calling him squirt.
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Hey Jessi, I love your blog. I found it through a friend who linked on Facebook and have been checking in regularly since.
I hate to call you out, b/c 99% of the time I’m totally on your side, but as a die hard Casablanca fan, I have to tell you: Bogart doesn’t leave, Bergman chooses Laszlo (which could be another good jumping off point for a blog: For love or status?)
Sorry to be “that girl”, but I couldn’t let it slide 🙂
Yeah, I don’t see how kiddo could be anything but a blow-off.
jessie, i swear to god, every time i see a new post from you, it directly relates to something going on in my life. it’s f’ing freaky. i was just seeing a guy that was 12 years older than me who called me kiddo. at first i thought it was cute and endearing, then i thought it was condescending. then i realized he called a lot of people kiddo. now i just think he’s an asshole.
i just stumbled about this… and this is SO TRUE. at least, in my experience, the only people to call me “kiddo” are ex-boyfriends. and i despise it more than anything!
I came across your blog after seeing a post about it on Glamour’s Single-ish blog (about the Love Ledger, which I totally did – let’s just say I’ve got a lot to learn about men). ANYWAY. I cringed all the way through this post, since a guy I’d liked had recently ended our last conversation with the dreaded “kiddo”. It struck me as odd when he said it, but you’ve just confirmed what I’d already known inside. I’d laugh it off if it weren’t for the fact that he’s younger than me, so it feels like a double negation! =P
Kiddo is an awesome term. But yeah