quick note for today. finishing up the book this week!
Chris and his friend Chris and I were talking about some Boston-based group of girls that one of the two Chris’s knew.
(paraphrased):
“They’d always invite me to do stuff around town,” Chris was saying, “but it’s like – no I don’t want to go to the museum with you – I’m a guy and none of us are dating.”
“Interesting…” I said.
“Yeah,” then Chris turned to Chris for bro validation. “Would you want to do that with a group of girls if you weren’t interested in any of them?”
“It depends,” that Chris said, “but probably no.”
“Hhmm…More interesting…” I said. “So what you’re saying is that if you have zero interest in any of the girls in a group of girls you therefore have zero interest in hanging out with them socially?”
“No, not at a bar or party or something, but yes to say go ice-skating.”
“Wow…” I said. “So then if you decide to go do something like that with a group of girls you probably have some interest in one of its members?”
“Probably,” one Chris said. “I mean it’s not that simple,” the other one finished, “but it’s almost that simple.”
Not that you couldn’t figure that a guy who accepts an invite to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with you and the girls has some kind of agenda, but to hear it explained that simply puts things into an interesting perspective.
There are categories of things that guys and girls do together — watch games at bars, attend bbqs, go to the beach, go to concerts. Then – apparently – there are categories of things that girls do that guys will do if they want to be around one/many of those girls — go ice skating? go shopping? attend the ballet? I didn’t get a confirmed list (yet…).
Does that mean they want to date one or just hook up with one? Unclear, but there was some suggestion that the degree of girliness of the event has correlation to how a guy feels. Go see a chick-ish flick: he may just be gunning for a hook up. Spend that afternoon at one of those make-your-own-pottery places: he’s considering marrying one of you.
Again – not entirely black and white (because sadly nothing is), but it does make it a little easier to figure out where a guy stands on you/your girlfriend. Get some girls together for a night of wine and pie baking and invite the dude over to join. If he comes for the entire thing he’s into someone in the room. If he stays and helps clean up the entire kitchen — it’s you.
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This makes sense. I think the same goes for a girl getting invited to a typical guy activity. I’ve been invited paintballing and to watch a football game. I didn’t go paintballing because I wasn’t interested in any of the guys going, but I did go watch the game, even though it was painfully boring, because I was interested in a guy who would be there.
This makes sense. I think the same goes for a girl getting invited to a typical guy activity. I’ve been invited paintballing and to watch a football game. I didn’t go paintballing because I wasn’t interested in any of the guys going, but I did go watch the game, even though it was painfully boring, because I was interested in a guy who would be there.
I’m lucky because a lot of my male friends like to go to stuff like museums/art exhibits/book readings etc. I think it’s fun to have male friends that will go to date like settings with you.
I’m lucky because a lot of my male friends like to go to stuff like museums/art exhibits/book readings etc. I think it’s fun to have male friends that will go to date like settings with you.
“no I don’t want to go to the museum with you – I’m a guy and none of us are dating.”
You have got to be kidding me with this caveman of a line. Plenty of (straight) guys will go to a museum even if they aren’t expecting to get some ass out of it. Please raise the bar a little.
“no I don’t want to go to the museum with you – I’m a guy and none of us are dating.”
You have got to be kidding me with this caveman of a line. Plenty of (straight) guys will go to a museum even if they aren’t expecting to get some ass out of it. Please raise the bar a little.
Thats so true men will avoiding hanging with groups of girls at all costs outside of the party scene. Though I dont think its true on an individual to individual basis.
Yeah. It’s pretty true. But of course it’s a scale for every guy. I’d happily go to a museum or the botanical gardens. I (might) go ice skating.
It also depends on how much I like the group of girls. Many of these things I would do with one of my girl friends, but I might not be able to tolerate some of her friends quite well enough to go with the group.
Next, please address… complications of a guy accepting an invite to a group activity with the motive not being the inviting girl, but one of her also-attending friends… Do boys know the difference? Is this an in with the prospective girl no matter what?
love it. so true. i think the amount the guy is willing to do is also inversely related to how long he’s liked you. like, when he’s just getting interested, he’ll go to a 5 hour opera followed by innocent cupcake eating. after you’ve been dating three months, he’ll grant you 1-hour of shopping. after a year and a half, he’s staying home and watching the game.