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Kennedy and the Case of the Superior Set up

December 16, 2009

In defense of the “one of my best friend just got engaged” freak out

December 16, 2009

Over being “adult about it”

December 16, 2009

One of the most annoying things about being an adult is that you have to “be an adult about it” all the freaking time.

When we were kids we were “just a kid.” We could throw temper tantrums and hit other kids and lie and cheat and steal and eat random candy and fall asleep wherever we wanted and ask people inappropriate questions and cry about anything and everything we wanted to cry about whenever we wanted to cry. We were just kids. We didn’t know any better. We didn’t have control over ourselves. We didn’t know how to behave.
Then we became teenagers, and we were “just being a teenager…” Rebelling against our parents, functioning on 2 hours of sleep, eating Golden Bell Diner disco fries two to three times a week, dating idiots because they were popular, being popular because we were idiots, smoking, drinking, and lying about it, wearing whatever we wanted as self expression, doing whatever we wanted because we’re only young once, and getting away with most of it because at least we weren’t drug addicts or worse…pregnant. We were going through a phase. We were finding ourselves. We were leaerning from our mistakes. We were accountable for our actions but the whole world knew to just roll their eyes at us and then ignore us until we grew up.
Now that we’re grown up we’re grown ups which requires us to be “grown up about it.” We’re encouraged to have feelings and feel those feelings but only express said feelings in an appropriate manner at an appropriate time in an appropriate place. If someone hurts us or wrongs us we have to think about the situation and determine how best to address the issue in a manner that leaves us looking calm and rational. We have to be “the bigger person.” When politics and hierarchy are at play (at work, in friend groups, in families, at work again, and then at work one more time, …ahem…) – we have to swallow our tongue slash pride, let it go, stay on the right people’s right sides so we don’t get targeted as someone who’s “too emotionally invested” or “not being a team player.” We have to be professional which is often code for – let it go, you can’t win this one. We have to let other people make us look bad without throwing them under the bus because they’re more powerful than we are. In the relationship realm we have to walk on egg shells to ensure we aren’t pegged “a bitch” or “an asshole” even if someone deserves to be treated like a bitch or asshole might act. We now have reputations to maintain – reputations that no longer have a disclaimer. It’s not, “well she’s just in her late 20s so how can you blame her?” We can now, officially, be blamed.
It’s all rreaalllyy annoying sometimes.
Lately I want my Mom to call some of the bosses of my work contacts and handle them like she would the Mom of a kid who was teasing me relentlessly in school.
  • “Hi, this is Angie Rosen, Jessie’s Mom. Listen, I understand that your employee said some incredibly out of line things regarding my daughter on a recent conference call. Listen, that’s rude, and it’s hurtful and it’s no way to behave, and I want it to stop or my next call will be to your boss.”

I want to post mean things on the Facebook walls of people who have treated me like crap recently so the entire world (on Facebook…so…the entire world) is aware of what they did.
When people do really, really dumb shit right before my very eyes I want to say, “that was some really, really dumb shit you did just then” – even if those people are waay more powerful than me. Whe people do really, really rude things to me in front of other people I want to say, “that was incredibly rude, and I’d appreciate an apology right now in front of all of these people” – even if that would probably get me fired.
And just once, I want to take a stack of papers or one of those 4 inch, 3 ring binders, or better yet, my phone and throw it clear across my office so it’s clear just how frustrating certain things can be.
Unfortunately, I’m an adult, so I can’t just do whatever I want – behave however I feel, no matter how justified may be.
But what’s funny is that these behavior constraints – these rules of appropriateness that govern the grown-up world – don’t seem to apply to everyone. And the more I examine and experience, the more I notice that the more “important” of a grown-up you become, the less grown up you’re actually required to be.
Run a company and you can treat anyone however you want whenever you want to. Be really, really ridiculously good-looking and rich and let people fawn all over you. The bigger you get the smaller you seem to be allowed to think.
Unfortunately we 20-nothings are beholden to everyone above us. We’re climbing the ladder, paying our dues, learning from people with more experience – in other words doormats, punching bags, and scapegoats. Right now we have to do everything so by-the-book so we can get high enough to finally say what we think and believe.
The thing is – I don’t really want to act like a child – to throw tantrums and make people think I can’t handle myself. It’s not productive. It’s not rational. It doesn’t really help anything or anyone – even though it feel awesome. I just want all the other adults to play by the “be an adult” rules.
So for now – I’ll play by all the rules because I have no other choice. Plus, I don’t like how behaving like a child makes me feel.
But once I’m an adult with the kind of power to behave like a child I’m going to make sure that all the adults below me act like adults, without behaving like a child to force them.
End rant.

9 comments

  1. Hi, I found your blog through a blog-of-note and I am glad I did when I saw this post! It sums up everything young professionals have to suffer through as we “pay our dues” though I have to say it’s a real shame that people higher up in companies feel like the “acting adult” rules no longer apply. Seems like eventually we revert back to being a child (and much further down the line an infant) – so does that mean that right now we’re at the top of the bell curve? Definitely does not feel like it…

  3. OMG. This is all so so so so spot-on.

    I’m really over being an adult. I think I’m just gonna stop for a while.

  4. I am going through a similar situation with a co-worker who invented some pretty out-of-control lies about me, one of which was that I was slandering my boss and my office on my Facebook page (!!). Like, naming names and stating facts. Luckily, when my boss brought this to my attention, I was able to log into my Facebook page and say “HERE. Enjoy videos of cute cats and Tori Amos” and the issue was dropped. There were other outrageous things as well. She essentially tried to get me fired because she’s all butthurt over something that happened a year ago (a friend of hers got let go and I absorbed her duties, which I obviously had nothing to do with).

    If this had happened at school, and I were 16, I’d have cussed the bitch out publicly and gently reminded her that it’s not my fault she’s a closet lesbian with a stick planted firmly up her ass. But because it happened at work, I have to suck it up and deal with it. Horrifyingly annoying.

  6. So…I would like to frame this post and put it up outside my cubicle. Because this is exactly how I feel, especially the line, “And the more I examine and experience, the more I notice that the more ‘important’ of a grown-up you become, the less grown up you’re actually required to be.”

    This is my life. And I would love to just scream out “fuck you! you guys need ME, not the other way around” and do a dramatic pivot, turn and sashay out the building (I’ve imagined this several times) buuut then reality sets in, and “being an adult” sets in, and the economy really sets in. So, like you, I bide my time, and think, never will that be me. Oh, and when is my next vacation?

    – C

  7. You are so not a 20-nothing. I am way on the other side of this… cough cough choke choke at 40 something … and I just want to let you know.. not all of us “adults” (gag, cough) are such imbeciles. Some of us.. want to work WITH you… not over you, not at you…

    Understand that most “adults” who act the way some of your colleagues do have funky issues about power.. they don’t get it anywhere else so they try (not well) to get those needs met at work by basically abusing whomever they can. Really sucks.

    One last thing… Please Please .. don’t give them anything by labeling yourself a 20-nothing. You guys (people, women, men) are strong, smart, exciting, creative, funny for the most part … The old-fart “adults” you are stuck with envy this about you. Know this.

    My rant is now over 🙂
    h

  8. I agree with this, this is SO right. I lost the right to be a teenager at 18 when I had my son, since then I watch my son with envy whenever he throws a fit. Sometimes I want nothing more but to join him.

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