when (if ever) should i expect a call?
me: never
B: haha
me: Ha. I’m kidding. Sort of. I only mean you can never ever predict if he’s going to call
B: that wouldn’t surprise me
me: I would say that if he doesn’t call within a week, you don’t want to date him
but that any time within a week is totally logical in man-brain
B: i guess – but is there a time after which if he hasn’t called, I can give up?
me: I make it more about when I want to give up
B: (I mean- I figure Monday is too early to give up – but I’m just trying to emotionally prep myself)
me: like – after 2 weeks I decide I don’t want to be with anyone who can’t remember to call me after 2 weeks
B: haha – thats a good outlook
me: (except my 2 weeks is 1 week…I’m picky)
B: i like it – im picky too – one week it is!
me: so this guy has one week to meet your standards – if he doesn’t, that’s too bad for him
Tuesday, 12:30pm.
- Guy friend: Query:
- B: si
- Guy friend: If I gave a woman my email address on Saturday…
… at what point, assuming I still have not heard from her, does it mean I’m not going to hear from her?
me: hahahahaha
B: i had to laugh — then explain to him why
me: did you give him our thoughts?
B: yep – he is even more stringent — he thinks wed should be the cut off and that even wed borders on impolite
me: wow – can I date him?
B: he lives in germany right now
me: oh – well Germany is just too far for me right now
but in that case, you should tell him that the rules may be diff in Germany
they’re probably stricter – so he’s in good shape
B: ya
I tend to answer questions with answers that weren’t the question, so to answer the actual question – you can expect the call (which will come as a text in 99.9% of cases) absolutely any time. Case in point: in the winter of 2007 I met an Australian guy at a party. We hit it off. He asked for my number. One week passed, nothing. Two weeks passed, nothing. a MONTH and a HALF later, he texted, “Hey, it’s ________, we should get a drink.” I texted back, “sounds great, when are you free.” A WEEK LATER he texted, “Hey, I’m free for a drink tomorrow.”
Moral of the story – once a flake, always a flake.
But to continue answering the question I wasn’t technically asked…with another question – do you want to date someone who meets you and calls you after 2-5 days or someone who texts you three weeks later? Sometimes the answer to that question is – “I want to date anyone who calls me at all” – I’ve been there…recently… But I’ve got to assume (because it’s happened enough times that I can make a pretty strong assumption) that a guy who isn’t into it enough to get in touch shortly after meeting me is going to stay that not into it – and by “it” I mean me.
So if I guy calls me after 2-5 days I think, nice, this has some potential. If he makes it more like 5-8 I’m a little, hhmm, not off to the best start. And if it’s longer than that slash never I think, good to know…
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Proper punctuation is your friend.
Recently, a friend of mine had the situation where he met a girl and didn’t have any mutual friends so would need to set up special plans with her to see her again. But he was going to be away and had a ton of other plans over the course of the next two to three weeks. He was going to wait to call, but some of us convinced him not to. He texted, explained the situation, they will meet right before Christmas.
But more often than not, I’ve found it’s not the calling that’s hard, but setting up plans that work. If two people end up being busy over the course of two to three weeks, the effort it takes to start something new gets in the way and the excitement fades. It’s happened to me. To friends. And I just hope it doesn’t happen to this guy.
And agreed: Once a flake, must prove mightily that no longer a flake to gain back your trust.
If I don’t get a call within 2 days, I’m done. If the guy really likes you then he’s going to call as soon as possible and risk looking desperate or dorky.
Um, sidenote: I will never email a guy, regardless of interest level, because giving an email is such a vague, cop out way of demonstrating interest. (“Oh hey I think you’re cool but why don’t YOU contact ME?”) Guys (and girls): If you’re interested, get the number and risk the uncomfortableness of a phone call. Period.
If you e-mail or text a guy without proper punctuation, he should not write you back. Ever.
Completely agree. Once a flake, always a flake. No matter what side of the Pacific (or Atlantic) they’re from!
Heyo,
Yeah so my friend just told me about your blog on Friday and CLEARLY I am very behind. I figured instead of working I’d catch up and I found this post.
I am definitely a “one-week” gal as well, but recently a guy gave me his card I called back and got nothing for almost two weeks. Then he called back and explained he didn’t know how to use voicemail (later I found out he just doesn’t check them). RED FLAG. I had just gotten out of a lame relationship and was looking for rebound date to boost my confidence so I thought why not get a free drink.
We have been seeing each other for only three weeks now, but I am absolutely smitten–very unusual. As for the Mr. Voicemail, he rarely texts or calls between dates, barely uses his phone and is absent-minded to a fault.
But he makes me laugh, is adorable and fits all the criteria on my secret checklist. So yeah, its rude not to call back and its frustrating to constantly be checking the phone, but maybe we should give schedually-impaired people a chance?
Then again I may be setting myself up for heartbreak.