It’s for some reason assumed that I have a position on Valentine’s Day – kind of like how it’s assumed that I meet, woo, and date a ton of guys and have correct answers on how you can too.
I don’t, to both.
I have thoughts about Valentine’s Day – that it’s a really swell concept – that it’s nice to see red in the stores when it’s super dull out – that it would be nice to celebrate it with a significant other. I don’t hate it. I don’t love it. I’m guess I’m of the why-not-denote-a-certain-day-for-love-giving -and-what-not persuasion. I’m not offended because I’m single. I didn’t countdown the days when I wasn’t. Nice day, nice message, and I will say that I do make an effort to reach out and give some love to the people in my life who deserve it most.
But I feel like I owe some response to the, “so you must have a lot to say about Valentine’s Day…” lines I’ve been dealt over the past week. And so here is the lot I have to say on Valentine’s Day, 2010 edition:
I believe the manner in which Valentine’s Day is handled by the individual parties in any given relationship can often serve as an indicator of love giving and receiving in that relationship for the entirety of its term.
Or – think maybe if you’re in a relationship and you dread Valentine’s Day it’s not Valentine’s Day’s fault…
A relevant digression.
Several weeks ago the Mississippi’s and I were waffling around Soho after a 3-cocktail Essex brunch popping into the various shops of unaffordable merchandise typical of that section of town. I don’t remember much other than that Meg purchased a hand-holdable light-up disco ball she then forgot to bring to the Lady Gaga show.
Our last stop along the journey was into McNally Jackson bookstore over on Prince and something – they all run together – where-in we happened upon a tall, lanky book-lady putting books on shelves. One of us (Jenny?) commented on a book she was struggling through. I echoed a similar issue – didn’t like it, dreaded finishing it. And then lanky book-lady proceeded to drop a piece of knowledge on us that would put an @RevRunWisdom tweet to shame.
“So don’t finish it,” she said,
“I mean, you’re just going to get what you keep getting.”
Let that sit there for a minute…
Now.
What do you do with an employee who’s pretty good most of the time but blows it on the day of the biggest presentation of the year? How would you handle a child who was fairly well-behaved but lost it when the private school came for the at home interview?
It happens once, you have a talk about expectations and hopes, then you move on. It happens twice, you take pause then go passive-aggressive and complain to everyone you know about it. It happens three, five, every time, what the hell are you doing with this employee/child? (I’m aware you can’t fire children, but I had a word-thing going).
Like lanky-library-lady said – you’re just going to get what you keep getting… (wise professor face).
If you are miserable at the thought of Valentine’s Day because your other half never ever gets it right – do something about it for the love of God! Tell them what you want. Take over and make the plans yourself. Come clean about the fact that you love the day and want to make it a big deal if that’s your story. Admit you hate it and would do anything to celebrate in a less dozen-expensive-roses way if that’s what you’d prefer. But if you currently live in a relationship the makes you think Valentine’s Day is more trouble than it’s worth – address that shit. I’m not saying “break up, you’re doomed” – I’m saying take a look at what’s really going down.
My position is that Valentine’s Day is one day – but that fact gives it a lot of different meaning, and the way given people interpret it is significant to how they are and will continue to be in a relationship. The guy screaming “it’s just one day!” to the girl he forgot to do anything for is saying, what’s the big deal? It’s a Hallmark holiday. I’m good to you every day! But the girl screaming that same line – “it’s just one day!” means, “so why can’t you remember to do something. And why is it so important for you to fight it when I’m saying it matters to me.”
Who’s right? I don’t know, and don’t care – I’m not dating either of them. But if I was I’d sure as hell figure out how they’d like to approach the day and either make that work or put down the book.
AAnnndd, for more positions on the state of the dating union, come on out to
The Hook-up Conversations! Sunday, February 14th – 7-9pm – Fontana’s, NYC!
(last time, promise)
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Lolz. Glad you remembered that I forgot the disco stick. So true.