I got involved in a chat the other night about the different types of girls you can come across slash date with a guy who happens to be seeing more than one type. Our conversation was about girls as characters – not like, “that Jessie…she’s such a character” – or, “that Jessie, she has good character…” like if I were to structure a screenplay with three archetypes of women, what characters would they embody. Typical Sunday at 5pm phone convo…
My mind immediately went to that girls-in-buckets philosophy some member of the male blog board brought up a year or so ago. His world view: guys place girls in one of three buckets almost immediately after meeting them.
- Three’s – no real interest, wouldn’t pursue it unless it landed outside his apartment.
- Two’s – attractive, prime for hooking-up and maybe dating a little, but they’re juuuust not…
- Your one’s – that bring-home-to-Mom girl. This is the girl you could date, and will likely try to
I know – it’s a mine field in and of itself – but point (for now) is that guys categorize the degree to which they’re interested in girls almost immediately.
But the question at hand in my convo last night was about guys who aren’t necessarily looking for the ONE at the moment – guys who are genuinely attracted to and interested in dating a variety of girls.
Yes, maybe they too can follow the 3-bucket philosophy, but their situation isn’t necessarily about absolutes – it’s about picking the one you want to date most at a given moment. High class problem for sure, but one that brings up a totally valid question.
How many different varieties of “attracted to” could a guy be? Or maybe, how many “types” of women – not in who they are at their core but in who they are to him – do guys struggle to choose between? Or (thiiink I’ve got it this time) how many archetypal relationships are there inside the dating realm – in the mind of a guy?
Using zero experience and and 25 or so minutes, I’ve arrived at three:
- Your right here, right now girl – instant chemistry, great connection, total attraction factor. It’s not all about the sex, but what keeps you attached to this relationship is the lust and zing. She may have an amazing personality, brilliant brain, incredible family, impressive career, but the first thing you think when you think of her is, “wow…” Can you have a happy, healthy, amazing marriage with this woman? I think yes. But when you tell the tale of your first-meeting to your future kids it won’t start with, “I was completely intrigued by her career in marine biology…”
- Your obvious wife material – not your obvious wife material – this is the girl that everyone says is a great girl, the girl everyone says someone should hurry up and marry. To you she’s low maintenance, constant fun, easy-going, impressive on a whole host of levels, and just plain great. You like her for a million reasons, but mostly because it’s a simple, logical, lovely fit. “Isn’t she sweet?” you say. “We agree on so many issues,” you say. She’s the girl you want to call to just watch a movie on a Friday night because you know it will be an easy, fun, low-key time. Things fall into a quick routine because you know what you can expect from this girl.
- Your Rachel (you being Ross…) – there’s really no way to explain your relationship with this girl. It’s complicated. You’ve loved her, hated her, and then loved her again. You date her because you want to, but nothing about it is traditionally easy. She’s the girl who gets in your head and keeps you thinking and makes you crazy. Maybe she’s the girl you don’t ever really date because you know that once you do it’ll either be marriage or disownment. In two words, it’s complicated. In two more… it’s special…
Are there more types? Maybe, but this seems to cover a lot of situations I’ve experienced and heard about guys being in. Is it as simple as the girl you want with your head, the girl you want with your heart, and the girl you want with you man parts?
A girl can be three different types to three different guys. A guy can want a different one of the three types a million different times. But are there ever really any different relationships than the one’s that make you hot, the one’s that make you crazy, and the one’s that make sense?
Maybe. That’ll be for another Sunday phone conversation. And perhaps in that one we’ll figure out which of the three most guys will surrender to in the end…
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eh…I’m no so sure about that. I’m the kind of guy that may be interested in a girl right off the bat, but def. get to know them better before anything really happens. Then there are the girls that are just friends, who sometimes I end up liking as well. Obviously, there are some people that your just going to be like “no” to. I do not do “here/now” girls, or one night stands. There is either a “this could be something that last a good while” feeling, or I don’t bother with it.
Hmm… I think this is pretty fair and accurate.
As for who guys end up with?
I think it’s totally random. Some guys seek out only one type over and over. The rest of guys go through cycles until one just happens to stick… ie you go for ‘crazy’ after getting bored with ‘wife material,’ then go with ‘right here right now’ after being exhausted by ‘crazy,’ then go for ‘wife material’ again after you run out of things to talk about with ‘right here right now,’ and then it begins again and you just happen to marry one of them.
One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that ‘Crazy’ relationships that last seem to be ones in which there’s some sort of big inequality between them… As in, one of them is probably wealthier than the other and somehow dominates/strings along the other.
Hey there!
I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now but this is my first time posting a comment (even though I have often wanted to – your posts are usually very discussion provoking). Anyway, in response to this post I wonder, are men much different than women in this respect? Why would men have a different number of varieties of women they are attracted to than women do regarding number of varieties of men they are attracted to? Moreover, is it fair that we refer such a question to all men in general when any one of us girls could readily identify several different kinds of men (and women for that matter) in our own lives who would answer this question differently? In respect to dating and finding a “type” at any given moment, I’m not sure that I think men are a whole lot different from women. Sometimes I wonder of dating would be a lot easier if we stopped assuming that men and women view it so differently.
Great post. Good thoughts!
Haha… that ‘Your Rachel (you being Ross…)’ one was perfect, that was me and my ex girlfriend spot on.
Well, to be fair, she started off as a ‘Your right here, right now girl’, which was exactly how we first got together, and was exactly what I was looking for at the time.
Your three types seem pretty accurate, and what Benny said about there being a cycle is true enough, I find it changes depending on my age at the time.