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The truth is, we all know why we’re single.

March 25, 2010

Are all guys really looking for three girls, three ways?

March 25, 2010

The Why-we’re-single Series: because we think we’re going out to meet people, but we’re not

March 25, 2010
There is a difference between going out to meet guys and going out to be met by guys. A big difference. Same applies to the guys-meeting-girls scenario, but I like guys so we’ll take it from that angle.

Going out to be met by guys consists of the following steps:

  1. Gchat many friends throughout entire work day to determine whether or not you should go out
  2. Determine you should not go out

  3. Start gmail chain to determine where you will go out

  4. Suggest in one gmail of gmail chain: “we should go somewhere where there will be boys!”

  5. 34-65 gmails later – align on time and location

  6. Receive email from friend who’s been radio silent for 9 hours derailing all plans

  7. Repeat steps 2 through 4, annoyed

  8. Get gussied up in a way befitting of the venue

  9. Gather at Benny’s Burritos for one to two $3 margaritas for purpose of saving money/going to Benny’s Burritos

  10. Arrive at venue

  11. Stand around boys, dance a little in plain view of boys, walk over to the juke box when boys are there, get in bathroom line which snakes around that of boys bathroom line, wedge self between boys ordering beers at bar

  12. Complain that boys at this bar suck

  13. Leave

I know. They should come talk to you. They should see you dancing and want to join you. They should notice your incredible taste in rock music and ask you out. I get it.
Thing is – they’re not… And yes, I have witnessed and experienced exceptions to this rule – and really every rule – but for the purpose of the W.W.S Series, I’m only concerned with the rule.
So then what does going out to meet a guy look like? I’m no expert but I think these are some key elements:

  • Traveling in packs of 2-4 not 5-8 girls – one girl is intimidating to guy, 8 girls are essentially non-existent

  • Positioning yourself among guys so you can talk to them not apart from guys so you can watch them

  • Going to places where talking and hearing can be done in tandem

  • Taking advantage of moments where introductions can be made. And by introductions I mean any conversations starter that is at all sensible in a given situation. As in, if you can read the Beers-on-tap perfectly well with your own eyes but would like help from the guy standing next to you at the bar, ask.

I want guys to see me and feel so compelled to know me that they hurtle all social obstacles present to make that happen. Maybe someday that will happen. Until then, I think it best to apply the Sister Mary Clarence philosophy of life to this and really all situations: “If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and paaaaayyy attention.”
Please re-write per this situation’s needs.

8 comments

  1. Jessie, love love love this. So true isn’t it?!

    Thank you for making me laugh at my cube at work.

    I think this is my first comment on your blog, so hi. I forgot how I came across it, but thank you for your witty writing. 🙂

    xoxo-Robyn

  2. Crazy…I always thought guys just didn’t approach girls because I live in SF and that is just how it is here. Someone once told me that in Chicago, men are much friendlier and quicker to advance. Maybe you’re right though…we do have to take SOME action if we want results.

  4. I’m going to tell all my female friends who complain the most to check this out.
    Man, the old cliche of “you never meet someone when you want to, and you always meet someone when you’re not looking” is way more true than any cliche should be.
    I also wish more of my female friends could grasp the fact the clubs is a better place to go if you want to come home with a funny story rather than a serious guy.

  5. Jess- It’s not about friendliness or amicability when it comes to guys and not talking to girls. I sometimes am hampered by the amount of girls, as Jessie said. Whether it’s 8 or 4 girls, it looks like a girls’ night out, not a night to meet boys. I usually have luck talking to a lady when she’s in a group of 3 or less.

    In general- When I meet girls, it’s usually when I’m at a café with a real chance to have a conversation. As much as Alvin Ailey would disagree, dancing doesn’t communicate.

  7. I appreciate you. You have finally, finally identified my problem, along with that of the vast majority of the single female demographic.

  8. Let us know what you’re looking for, and allow possibilities in either direction.

    This is what both sexes are looking for, and the onus on the man to make a move that’s subject to abject humiliation is time to go the way of the dodo.

    We love the chase; the adventure, but if one burns one’s hand enough times, one tends to stop shoving the fist into the fire.

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