When I asked the male camp what they do different when they really like a girl I provided examples from guys I’d already spoken with. Examples like, “I find I text her after something big happens to me” or “I go out of my way to pick a kind of restaurant I know she’s really going to like.” And so I got back answers like those you read yesterday – a list of kind things men do to prove they care.
My query to the female side was a quick gchat survey of 10 random friends who happened to be online. I just said, “hey, what do you do differently to a guy when you really like him?” No examples, no qualifications. Just a one-line question. These are the 10 one lines I got back:
- I try really hard not to scare him away.
- I touch his arm a lot. It’s so weird! I’ll just immediately start touching his arm!
- Talk less
- I think I laugh at his jokes way too much even if they aren’t funny
- I try not to, but I end up suggesting a lot of plans we should do together
- I say I like something he’s wearing almost every time I see him, but what I really mean it I like your body
- Try not to seem desperate
- Listen to what he says really closely and then bring it up later so he knows I’m paying attention
- I ask a lot of questions about his family. It’s just a gut reaction, but that’s how I know I like a guy.
- Try really hard not to get wasted in front of him
I don’t think I need to point out that 6 of the 10 answers are things these women try not to do – talk less, don’t scare him, curb the alcohol intake.
In fairness, I didn’t specifically say, “what are nice things you do differently for a guy when you know you like him?” If I had I’d probably have gotten more answers like #’s 6 or 8. But I think it’s insanely telling that these responses were based on a loose question. These girls heard, “what do you differently when you like a guy?” and they answered honestly.
To sum it up – I try to keep myself in check so I don’t scare the shit out of him.
There’s a lot to evaluate around these answers, and those of the guys, so we’ll tackle that tomorrow. For today, I’m dying to know – from the ladies – if you read this list and said, “yep – sounds about right” or if you read it and said, “wow – that’s a sad bunch of 10 people…”
What do you do differently when you know you really like a guy? And even though I’ve revealed the true meaning of the question – what would your insta gchat response have been?
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I think we all hold ourselves back, its not just woman. I know I do whenever I meet someone new regardless of whether its in a romantic setting or not.
I have learned the hard way that to be fully myself at first glance tends to put people off.
Plus I guess that finding out the true nature of someone is all part of the fun 🙂
Yup- that sounds like my list…. and every woman I know.
I definitely agree with the list, however, I also try to non-chalantly talk myself up or get my girlfriends to talk me up. I’ll also (make an ass of myself) try to show him that I am wanted by other people so he should act fast because he caught my attention.
I don’t think you can say the list is pathetic. Its just honest.
Courting isn’t what it used to be.
I know the questions were worded a little differently, but I think my answer would be more similar to the guys’ list than the girls’. Then again, it also depends on how the guy is acting…it’s easier to call, make plans, do little thoughtful things, etc. when you’re confident the other person is interested. Either way, I think I talk MORE (to use that one as an example) because I’m excited and nervous around the guy… 😉
I try to become his friend. As if I dont like him but I am a very nice girl. Making him believe Im not interested increases his interest. Or so I think.
I think the list sounds about right. I also offer to buy the 3rd date…if I don’t really like the guy then I will let him buy all the dates.
I also try to act very nonchalant about things which sometimes backfires.
I will also let him meet my friends. Rarely does a guy get to this point but if he does then I must like him.
I peruse his facebook account far too often, and when he tells me what he did over the weekend, I act like I didn’t already know from his pictures and posts exactly what he was up to. I tend to try to play it cool and borderline ignore him… all while freaking out in my head. When I feel like a complete nutjob, that’s how I know I REALLY like him. Wow, this sounds healthy…
Just another guy’s perspective:
Things like “showing him I’m wanted by other people,” “becoming his friend and making him believe I’m not interested,” going on more than a couple dates when you’re not interested, these are ways to confuse the sh*t out of guys. And, the more insecure or unsure the guy, the more confused he becomes. The cliche that nice guys finish last exists because, unlike the “asshole,” when presented with confusing signals, the nice guy stops and walks away. The asshole continues because it serves his needs and purposes– he’s not thinking about the woman.
It’s inevitable to feel self conscious around someone you’re interested in, and of whom you have no idea his feelings. But the games– not flirting, flirting is fun– will turn the good guys away.
When I’m interested, I pay attention and try to make the person I care about aware that she is the most important person in my world. I’d hope in return that’s all I would need as well.
One last thing, the arm-touching dilemma in the post sounds like an adorable and endearing problem to have. More women should use that. it’s effective.
i do all of those things for a month or so, then when i finally let go and we have a good thing going on, they bail. ALWAYS.
1000% agree with the facebook comment. I also get really nervous and afraid that I’ll say something stupid so end up either saying completely boring and uninteresting things or nothing at all…at which point he stops liking me.
After my boyfriend of 4 years broke off our engagement because “he just didn’t think he wanted to get married”, I decided that I wasn’t going to hold back anymore. I wanted to know what a guy was all about before I feel in love with him, and I figure guys deserve the same. So I started being myself, a human being interested in getting to know another and possibly sharing our lives together, and suddenly dating became so much easier. I stopped refraining from bringing up controversial topics on first dates, I asked if he wanted kids someday, I laughed out loud at the restaurant, I made jokes that some people don’t like. My girlfriends balked. Some guys never asked me out again. Meh. I guess we weren’t right for each other. But the wonderful boyfriend I have now is my dream guy (seriously, the guy I never thought I’d get) and he asked me out for our second date over a year ago BECAUSE I talk a lot, BECAUSE I want kids and wedding someday, BECAUSE I made that inappropriate joke on our first date, and BECAUSE I like to wear high heels (I’m 5’8″ and much taller than most guys in heels), all of which I used to “hold back”.
It’s not fair to hold back too much – you never know who will be attracted to you for exactly what you’re holding back.
Yup, sounds about right. Scary isn’t it?
I do all these things plus if it’s really bad I’ll write poetry that I’ll claim is not about him, it just features him, and then imagine scenarios where he and the not-about-him poetry could meet and grow anxious about it. Oh! and if we are both at a thing where people are drinking, I’ll pretend to be drunk before I am so I don’t drink too much — the idea being that the things I’ll say while pretending to be drunk will come off better than what drunk me would actually say. This always fails – but I can’t be the only one who tries this!
But there is eye contact, and no ones mentioned that yet. If I like I guy, really like him, I catch myself looking at him all the time, staring at him whenever he talks. Potentially awkward but if he echoes me a prolonged look back, I feel like I’m in.
I think you should definitely do a follow up on what girls think of the guys’ actions and vice versa.
Let him meet my friends. I have to know I like him before he is allowed to meet those important folks in my life…I also refer to him by name, rather than the designated nickname I have been referencing him by to my girlfriends.
Check gchat/facebook 15 times a day to see if he’s online and then sit and wait for him to IM me. Rediculously unproductive?! Yes, but I find myself doing it more than ever!!
I tried so hard to appear perfect in front of him. I try hard not to appear stupid in front of him, which would usually result me being lame and boring.. That’s so frustating!! And also, I really like stalking his fb acc just like many girls do, and act like I don’t afterwards. And I talked about him a lot to my bestfriends