I was among the earliest people (outside of Harvard people) to start using The Facebook – so early that it was still called The Facebook when I joined.
It was 2004 – my junior year at Boston College – and I was studying abroad in Florence. I remember getting an IM (because that was still happening) from a friend who didn’t go abroad about this new version of Stalker Net (what we called the BC internal Facebook system) for Boston-area college students. In those days (ohmygodI’mold) you had to select your school from a pull-down menu of, I think, five options? Harvard, MIT, Brandeis, Boston College, and something else…. I was at an Internet cafe booking a RyanAir flight from random-town-outside-Rome to random-town-outside-Barcelona for 3 pounds on the afternoon that I joined.
The Facebook is nothing like it was back then. Like, when I joined you couldn’t upload pictures and there was no Newsfeed. It was pretty much just stock-piling friends and then poking them. If you asked me then if it would become the most ubiquitous element of our on and sometimes offline social lives, I’d have said no. But I also thought Twitter had a shelf life of a month.
We have come a very long way – too far, I’d argue. And so in honor of the release of the The Facebook movie (if you’re going to use the font, just call it that) I’d like to share my set of rules for engagement on the site – a list of behavior and activity parameters I think we should all be following because they make moral, logical, and social sense.
- Rules #1 – if you friend someone who, when they see your name in the subject-line of the ________ has-requested-to-be-your-friend-on-Facebook e-mail will go who is that?? – you are required to send a message with your request. Anything from, “Hey Jessie, it’s been AGES, hope you’re well” – if I haven’t spoken to you since 3rd grade. Or, “Hey Jessie, I’m ________ a friend of _________” if I will otherwise have no idea who you are. I have been trying to think of a real-life-scenario metaphor to explain how weird this would be if you did it to someone live, but there is no comparison. Just, if you think there’s a chance my reaction is going to be, “ummmm?what?” – try to prevent that with a sensible, personal touch.
- Rule #2 – If you wouldn’t say it at full volume across a crowded room of everyone the person knows and cares about, don’t write it on their wall. Examples include: “Did I hear you broke up with _______?” Or “Whaatt? Quitting your job next month and moving to LA??” Or “Do you remember anything about last night?” The wall is a place that everyone can see.
- Rule #3 – If you are of the level friendship/relationship/marriage where you could text whatever it is you’ve decided to post on their wall directly to them, please do so. I think it’s wonderful that you want your baby to have an amazing first day of work. I’m (pretty) sure your baby thinks it’s wonderful to. I’m just not sure why we all have to be a part of that personal display of your private love. Same goes for, “what you up to tonight dog?” We have gchat/bbm/texting for a reason.
- Rule #4 – If you look at a picture you’ve taken of another person and think anything less than, “this is a fair representation of this person’s face and body” – don’t tag them in it. That’s mean.
- Rule #5 – Status update should be updates on your status: short descriptions, messages, thoughts, links or the like. 250-word paragraphs (fine, 200 if we’re not counting exclamation points and emoticons), three-times a day recounting your every move are overkill. Start a blog.
- Rule #6 -“It feels like angels are dancing on my soul when you hug me” is not a group nor is “long text messages about how someone feels about me makes my day :)” – yes, the joining of a group is now “liking” and you can technically “like” the concept of those things, but – just – stop. Alex, this means you.
- Rule #7 – Any status messages or wall postings relative to a TV show that any percentage of the viewing public might not yet have seen should be avoided at all cost. I live in LA now so this is even more of a problem, but no one watches TV the night it’s on anyway, so don’t ruin it.
- And finally – Rule #8 – Just use your actual name as your profile name. Anything else is bizarre. Anything with hearts, stars or like shapes in it is criminal.
That’s my piece (or the parts of it I’m willing to share with the Internet). What would your rules be?
12 comments
Comments are closed.
i would DEFINITELY create a rule saying “If you want to vent/b*tch about something, call your best friend, mom/dad, or psychiatrist. I’d prefer not to be bummed by the minor “problems” in your life…it’s just annoying! haha.
I was on The Facebook when they were still calling it “The Facebook,” too and I did not get it at all. Besides, I still had a myspace page and thought that was neat-o, and why would I want to be connected to all these people I go to school with?
My rule about Facebook? Don’t ask me if I want to help you plant your farm or milk your cow or shoot Mafia people. No. Nooooo.
I agree with all of your’s and would like to add 2 more:
Rule #9: Stop inviting me to play your mafia and farming games. I don’t care if you need horse or a cow or a gun for your game; what you need is a life off of Facebook.
Rule #10: If I don’t live in or even relatively close to the city you live in, please stop inviting me to your events.
I don’t know if there is enough room in this little box for all of the The Facebook Rules of Engagement I’d add to the list, but here are a few:
1) If we don’t live in the same city and haven’t been in contact for over a year, please don’t bomb my FB email with countless invitations to events, openings, and whathaveyous. Post it on your wall and move on.
2) Don’t air your dirty laundry on The Facebook. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to read that you find it “hard to trust him after finding another girl’s scrunchie under his pillow” or that you “need to do some spring cleaning and rid yourself of these toxic relationships” (many of whom are probably your Facebook friends). Your passive aggressive tendencies are ruining the five minutes I was hoping to waste on more entertaining or informative topics.
3) Ladies: If you have 300 pictures on your Facebook profile, and 283 of them are of you, alone, staring delicately off into the distance in various states of undress, I think we have a problem. And I can guarantee you that the passive aggressive friend posting about her toxic relationships is talking about you.
Also- I think we need rules around how to update relationship status.
Example) if you are tempted to change your relationship status to “its complicated”- DON’T. That is like telling everyone that you are emotionally unstable or just an asshole.
Example) you shouldn’t updated your FB status to “engaged” until you have told your friends and family in person.
I wrote something similar recently, but it’s less of a rulebook and more of an open letter:
http://thesegentlemen.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-think-about-facebook-too-much.html
What I’m saying is, I feel your pain.
preach!! I couldn’t agree more, I’ve literally blocked good childhood-friends because they’ve annoyed me so much. It’s worse when your friend with both parts of the annoying facebook-shmoopy couple.
i.hate.it.
I agree. These rules should be mandatory. And: stop spamming my newsfeed with one youtube video after another. (Like: let’s go on youtube and post everything that’s funny on my wall!) It gets really annoying really fast. Also; don’t just block people on facebook without clear cause or prior warning. Be polite enough to just censor you wall or customize your privacy settings. When people find out you’ve blocked them and you confront them in real life- the drama, the drama…
First of all, the one about “liking” things is so, so true. Those things kill me. I work with teenagers and they like about, oh, say 8 MILLION things every day, that have titles longer than all of my statuses combined. We all like “air” – don’t tell the world. Kudos on that one! I would also say that a rule would be not to add people just to accumulate friends and never speak to them. That’s why I also regularly cut people from my friends list. Call me harsh, but it’s just how I roll.
Don’t be That Person who doesn’t know when enough is enough. If you alone take up more room in my newsfeed than my other 400 or so friends combined, that’s definitely facebook abuse. (Not to mention it makes it evident that you have no life outside of fb…)
Also, only post stuff related to politics *very sparingly*, if at all. What can be overlooked once in a while becomes obnoxious/rude/inappropriate when it hogs my newsfeed. Look at it this way – regardless of your beliefs, about half the people on your fb will disagree, and will therefore be negatively judging you – is that really what you want fb to be about?
I LOVE these rules! I joined in 2005 when you had to have a valid .edu email and I loved it! I think it has gone wayyyy too far with anyone being able to join. I like that it captured college, and only college. Perhaps I’m a bit too nostalgic about it, but if it has to be open to the public, I think you’re rules are perfect!
I was also on The Facebook back in 2004 and have come very close to deactivating my account because of people going a little too TMI…I agree with all of the above and would add…
1) Don’t post sappy lyrics on your status when your in love, heartbroken, pissed off or whatever it is you might be feeling that day.
2) I remember back in 2005 when “facebook and webshots combined” and it seemed amazing. However, don’t post multiple pictures of yourself…alone…in your bathing suit…”Sexy” pose…or flexing. Also, no PDA on the facebook. No one wants to see you and your bf/gf sucking face.
3) Most recently, a friends dog (yes, their animal) sent me a facebook request. (Whatttt??) Yes, my crazy friend made a facebook account for her dog and actually post status updates on the dogs behalf. I am now evaluating our friend because of this ridiculous action on her part.