I’d be in trouble if I said all but let’s say many-if-not most couples are comprised of two parts: a nice one and a not as nice one.
It’s not quite a good cop/bad cop scenario (though some couples are that, which is interesting in and of itself). I’m saying one person in every couple is going to have slightly more edge, slightly more bite, a slightly greater tendency to do the less nice thing. Like, if the couple is confronted with a scenario in which something mean could/should be said/done – one of them will say/do it first.
The degree can be incredibly slight, but I’d argue that in most cases it’s there, and in all cases, it’s uncontrollable. You either are the innately edgier half or you’re not. And if you’re not sure, you’re the nicer one.
I thought I had a solid answer, and I thought it was, “I’d rather be the nicer one.” I have a fair amount of edge. I like a fair amount more, and so I’ve tended to pair myself with guys with an incredibly effective devil-on-the-shoulder. Not “bad boys” in the Jordan Catalano sense, but not dudes who are constantly calling, “too far…” on me. If you’d have said, “so you’re saying you went for assholes” I’d have said, “no, no, no – not assholes, just really edgy guys.” Then, apparently, you would have thought, “right, assholes,” but said, “mmhhmm…”
Turns out the opposite scenario is actually quite…nice. Apparently there is a correlation between edge and asshole. And, though I can’t point to solid results at this point, it appears that dating someone even slightly nicer than oneself inspires oneself to be slightly nicer.
It’s tricky stuff. I’m working on some form of line graph.
So naturally this begs a little Friday which-would-you-rather question. Or maybe just a which-one-are-you?
Or maybe better yet – which-one-are-you-more-comfortable being? And why?…
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i am the edgier one. I am the one to shoot out the rude comment first. You know what though? i dont like it im not gonna lie. ya of course at first your the one shooting out the comments so your not the one getting hurt… right? wrong! cuz sometimes you say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and looking like the asshole hurts actually, and further more loosing the nice guy that you were the asshole too hurts even more then that! it may be fun at the begginning… but when you stop playing the game, and get serious, then you have to stop playing the role and get nice.
Interesting. I feel like I’ve been the quieter one and the calmer one… but not the nicer one. I think my go-to role is to “speak softly and carry a big stick,” while my go-to girl is louder and more outgoing but doesn’t carry a big stick.
Interesting to think of ourselves this way. I think we human beings “complete” each other more than we realize.
It depends on the situation, but in general my boyfriend is the nice one in our relationship. I can be really nice, but not if you’re being a tool.
I’ve thought a lot about this in the past, and I totally agree with you that this is the case in every relationship. I’ve known for a long time that I have to be the mean one. I’ve been the nice one and the mean one in the past, and I’ve learned that if I’m with a guy who’s even meaner than me, it’s never going to work. I think that’s a really important thing to know about yourself. Of course, he can’t be TOO nice… 😉
I’m usually too moody. Occasionally fly off the handle unnecessarily. I guess I’m kind of… blunt too. Bad boy? Wouldn’t go that far.
The ex I still pine for sometimes though, the relationship I really felt most comfortable in? She was nicer, way more considerate and empathetic. Made me want to be better, made me stop and consider my less appealing traits. So, yeah, I’d say I’m more comfortable as the meaner spirited one… I feel like I’m more likely to be pulled back a notch, as opposed to being the person who pulled someone back.
Wow. What a good questions, and something I’ve noticed in my own relationships.
I have edge. I have no problem admitting that I am intense, pushy, difficult to work with sometimes and very opinionated. So it depends on what the other person is like. I’ve dated guys who, when it comes to certain things, are the edgier one. I’ve also dated guys who are definitely the more passive.
However, I am attracted to guys with tough personalities; guys who are opinionated, pushy and will stand up to me. When a guy goes with the flow alll the time it drives me insane.
This… this can definitely be a recipe for disaster. But it never gets boring. Never lacks passion!
I think it depends on what you value in a relationship. A lot of the times, the nice guy isnt the one that stimulates your emotions. But he is the guy you want in your mind. While the passionate exciting guy is bad news on paper, but how can you resist? It all depends on what’s important to you.