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I want you to know that in general I try to be very open-minded about all topics surrounding relationships and dating. It’s mostly because I think the whole category is such a complete and total crap shoot that any opinions slash theories are just as valid as any others. Also (mostly) there’s the pot/kettle issue.
But every once in awhile I come across something that is just asking for ridicule.
MarieClaire.com’s recent 12 Types of Women article is just that thing.
From the article:
“There’s a brand-new book out called (deep breath) Seeking Happily Ever After: Navigating the Ups and Downs of Being Single Without Losing Your Mind (and Finding Lasting Love Along the Way). To write it, author Michelle Cove interviewed more than 100 women and talked to them about how relationships based on what they think they should want often leave them unhappy. She tried to determine what it was that they truly wanted — in the process, getting readers to think a little more deeply about what their dream relationship might really be like. After interviewing so many women, Cove began to think that most of them fit into one of 12 categories, which she defines for us below.”
Yes, I do recall the essay I wrote under a week ago about the three kinds of males, but this is a very different animal. That was about the overarching categories men fall into when dealing with women based on their relative maturity. This is A. focusing on the 12 different categories of female relationship seeker a woman can be and B. wrong.
It’s not the idea of it that’s the issue. I actually do think there are types of women just like there are types of men – so does a male friend of mine who has a theory on types of women that’s as precise as mine on men (which I coincidentally asked him to write up for Monday’s post, so stay tuned). My issue with this article is the categories themselves. Is this really it? Can’t you be many of these things at one time? Is the idea that these are 12 common phases women experience in the process of seeking a partner? If so why is it oh-so-generally titled the 12 Types of Women…
Here’s my recap and retort:
The Soul-Mate Seeker: Someone who is doing everything she can to find The One.
- This first one is pretty valid. There are women out there who are in hot pursuit of the last man they’ll ever date, but there are also women out there who go through phases of that chase. One month they want “the one” – the next they want to play the field.
The Phoenix: A woman who recently had a painful breakup and is doing everything she can to rise from the ashes in better shape.
- Again, I’ve know that woman, but what about the woman who recently had a breakup and is doing everything she can to consume the whole of Yogurtland’s (I live in LA now), supply while drinking vodka/vodka’s to re-runs of Felicity?
The Organic: She prefers to leave things up to destiny and live her own life rather than hunting for men in any methodical or calculated way.
- Yes, and amen, but I have a theory that absolutely no one fully ascribes to this theory. In a lot of ways I’ve always been The Organic, but in a lot of other ways I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of hours pursuing people I thought “destiny” may have overlooked.
The Princess-in-Waiting: She is waiting to be rescued by a prince (who sure is taking his royal time).
- My problem with this may be that I’m not a huge fan of this type, but it’s also that this means we have overlap between The Organic and The Princess. Don’t they both believe time and fate should take it course? It is that one is entitled and the other is disengaged?
The Late Bloomer: The rest of her life is on hold while she waits for her future husband to appear.
- Wait, then how is the Late Bloomer different from the Princess? Is it that she’s waiting for him to come but doesn’t need him to rescue her once he gets there? And what exactly does, “the rest of her life is on hold” mean? Is it that her singular focusing is finding a man, or rather that man finding her? Because if so, whoa. But if you’re going to put your entire life on hold wouldn’t you maybe want to put in a little more effort toward the goal than just waiting for it to happen?
The Free Spirit: She worries that she can only have one or the other — her independence or a committed relationship. (And she thinks the former is better.)
- I have no issues with this, prrroobbaabblyy because I’ve been this for the majority of my dating life.
The Wedding Wisher: She suddenly finds herself fantasizing about marriage after a lifetime of not caring about it.
- Yes, okay, fine, but then which other category is she when it comes to actually finding that man? Is this a Chinese menu of categories? Can one be the Wedding Wisher and The Princess-in-Waiting (seems logical), and what happens when we run into a philosophical inconsistency like A Wedding Wisher and a Free Spirit?
The Town Rebel: She no longer aspires to live the cookie-cutter lifestyle of everyone else in her community, though she once used to.
- I like the idea of this one but it doesn’t seem to follow suit with the others and, again, seems to require the pairing of a how-you-feel-about-finding-a-man type to make it complete, no?
The Ritual Re-inventor: A woman who wants to get hitched but also feels very strongly about having an unconventional marriage (right down to the wedding ceremony).
- Are we really reserving an entire category of woman for people who don’t want banquet hall weddings?
The Someday-Mom: She would like to have babies someday, but wishes she didn’t feel so much biological pressure to figure it out fast.
- So, The Every Single Woman. Again – this isn’t a category, it’s a sub-type. You can in one phase of life be a The Phoenix and later end of the Someday-Mom.
The Slow & Steady: A woman who hopes to marry when the time is right. Meanwhile, she does her best not to cave to the massive pressure she feels from friends, family, and society.
- So, The Sensible. And again, again – aren’t most of us this woman at some point in our lives? I mean, what’s the opposite of “doing your best not to cave to the pressure”? – having a nervous breakdown and booking an arranged marriage? This just feels like a given, and therefore not a category.
The Trailblazer: A woman who knows married life is not for her, so she’s trying to break a new kind of path to happiness.
- Yes. Finally. This may actually be a category of woman. Though I’m not quite sure how you could 100% know married life isn’t for you without experiencing something very close to it, but the idea that a woman has this distinct perspective is possible and does separate her – category-wise – from other types of relationship-oriented women.
I know it’s just an idea – just one author’s assessment after a look at the female landscape, but I do feel that articles like this make us think we have to be one (or more) of the 12 and that, if we are that makes it okay “Oh, well I’m a Princess-in-Waiting so I really can’t do online dating because it goes against my type.”
Like I said – I think there are categories of women relative to their maturity levels – just like the boys/guys/men progression – and some of these 12 fit into that TBD set. But for me personally, this list is a little too limiting and a lot too simple.
Making me the obviously missing 13th woman – The Complicator.
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Yeah, this seems to be a complete waste of time. I mean you can be more than one thing at one time, and none of those really explains what women are like.
Plus why is there all sorts of societal pressure as a factor. I mean we don’t live in the 1950s anymore, my parents aren’t harassing me everyday to get married and have children. I think we as a society have evolved past expecting women to get married ever, if they don’t want to.
The list is pretty ridiculous, but I think people enjoy seeing themselves in stuff like this.
I laughed aloud at this: “Are we really reserving an entire category of woman for people who don’t want banquet hall weddings?” By the looks of it, yes.
I agree with a lot of your statements! I tried ‘categorizing’ myself and i’ve been like 10 of them at one time or another. and several now.
“The Free Spirit: She worries that she can only have one or the other — her independence or a committed relationship. (And she thinks the former is better.)”
** isn’t that kind of how it works? most likely you have to figure out how to be independent IN a relationship, but to an extent, yes, you lose part of it as part of being in a pair.
better yet- who’s supposed to benefit from this? haha.
I didn’t think something like this would turn up so soon.
Anytime someone tries to fit you in a rigid box to make themselves more comfortable with the world it’s important to react with some good old fashioned outrage. My thoughts, anyway.
I find this one insulting and I’m not even who they’re trying to fit in said box.
Your breakdown pretty well sums up my thoughts on this article. I understand they need content, but there’s far too much overlap and frankly… the thirteenth option seems to be the most accurate description for the average woman.