A few days ago some gchat conversation jogged some thought in my mind that prompted a theory about the differences between guys and girls. This happens between twenty and five hundred times a day depending on how busy I am at work and whether or not Chris is on gchat. On this particular day he was, and we got into a conversation about what people really like about the people they’re dating – not necessarily what attracts someone to another person but what, once in a committed relationship, is it that really matters to guys versus girls.

It’s fuzzy now, but I believe my exact theory was that there would be a strong disparity between what guys say versus girls. I think I assumed guys would say a lot of things about the personality traits, looks, and behaviors of the girl whereas girls would mostly mention things about how the guy treats her specifically. If I had to come up with a theory again right now that’s what it would be, so let’s go with that.

The reality is that it doesn’t matter because whatever specific theory I had, it was completely wrong. I asked 16 people, 8 guys and 8 girls, to give me the 10 things they like most about their significant other – as simple or specific as possible. Two of the 16 people I asked were actually dating one-another, which I thought would be the most helpful direct comparison.

I was right, except that the direct comparison proved my theory wrong.

Below is a laundry list of what individual people said. I’ve changed all the pronouns to “it” as if we’re discussing babies with TBD gender and disguised any other obvious gender-based responses. The people are going to stay anonymous because I promised.

Take a look, take a guess, and then scroll down for the reveal:

–>

• That it’s got emotions; where I hide/control mine, it lets loose. Put another way, it knows how to be vulnerable and I don’t.
• It’s independent; although it chooses to see me as often as possible, it makes its own fun
• Outrageous passion for its field of work.
• It loves me just the way I am.
• It shows me that I’m a priority 99% of the time
• Its eyes. The eyes always get me.
• It’s completely devoid of sexual issues and hang-ups. This is rare.
• In a room full of people it doesn’t know, it wouldn’t need me by its side but has more fun when I am
• I love the way it cares for me. I’ve never had someone who has loved me the way it does
• It’s love for its family and mine; in addition, my family’s love for it
• It’s great (body part)
• Does it count to say that it’s absolutely trustworthy? That means a lot to me
• It’s ability to have fun and be fun.
• That it wants to learn and be better at things, for example going to graduate school, cooking, working out, etc.
• That it cares about its career and is dedicated to it.
• Passion. I don’t always agree with it- in fact I agree with it possibly less than more when it comes to a wide range of topics from politics to our opinion on Lady Gaga (I’m pro, it’s anti). It is not just agreeable and amenable- I think that would get boring.
• Its love of my friends and their love of it
• That it and I work in the same industry. Brings a level of understanding and allows us to always have something to talk about.
• That I am friends with its friends and it is friends with my friends. And that when they are all together, they all are friends.
• It’s (body part)
• It knows I am obsessed with sports. And is ok with it.
• My family likes it. Means something.
• Its loud, sometimes booming, laugh.
• The Sex. I mean this in a broad sense. Not just the actual act of coitus, but it’s been 2 years and it still looks amazing to me/for me and the passion hasn’t waned one bit.
• It is very good/charming with children/families/elderly/pets
• Its heart. Again sounds lame, but it is not a jaded NYer.
• It takes care of all the things I hate to do
• It is attractive
• Geeky, in a good way (doesn’t act like it is too hip, enjoys Jeopardy, crosswords)
• It’s ambitious
• It’s very caring and sensitive, particularly in a crisis
• It and I want the same things in the future: kids, fulfilling careers, NYC
• It has really pretty greyish-blue eyes
• It’s (body part) is really amazing.
• It’s not a Republican (thank God)
• It looks like a cross between ________ and _______. Seriously.
• It’s smarter than me
• It’s trying really hard to like the football team with which I am irrationally obsessed.
• It will eat anything.

• That she’s got emotions; where I hide/control mine, she lets loose. Put another way, she knows how to be vulnerable and I don’t.
• She’s independent; although she chooses to see me as often as possible, she makes her own fun
• Outrageous passion for his field of work.
• He loves me just the way I am.
• He shows me that I’m a priority 99% of the time
• Her eyes. The eyes always get me.
• He’s completely devoid of sexual issues and hang-ups. This is rare.
• In a room full of people she doesn’t know, she wouldn’t need me by her side but has more fun when I am
• I love the way she cares for me. I’ve never had someone who has loved me the way she does
• Her love for her family and mine; in addition, my family’s love for her
• Her great breasts
• Does it count to say that she’s absolutely trustworthy? That means a lot to me
• Her ability to have fun and be fun.
• That she wants to learn and be better at things, for example going to graduate school, cooking, working out, etc.
• That she cares about her career and is dedicated to it.
• Passion. I don’t always agree with her- in fact I agree with her possibly less than more when it comes to a wide range of topics from politics to our opinion on Lady Gaga (I’m pro, she’s anti).
• Her love of my friends and their love of her
• That we work in the same industry. Brings a level of understanding and allows us to always have something to talk about.
• That I am friends with her friends and she is friends with my friends. And that when they are all together, they all are friends.
• Her boobs
• She knows I am obsessed with sports. And is ok with it.
• My family likes her. Means something.
• Her loud, sometimes booming, laugh.
• The Sex. I mean this in a broad sense. Not just the actual act of coitus, but it’s been 2 years and she still looks amazing to me/for me and the passion hasn’t waned one bit.
• He is very good/charming with children/families/elderly/pets
• Her Heart. Again sounds lame, but girl is not a jaded NYer
• He takes care of all the things I hate to do
• He’s attractive
• Geeky, in a good way (doesn’t act like he is too hip, enjoys Jeopardy, crosswords)
• He’s ambitious
• He’s very caring and sensitive, particularly in a crisis
• She and I want the same things in the future: kids, fulfilling careers, NYC
• He has really pretty greyish-blue eyes
• Her ass is really amazing.
• He’s not a Republican (thank God)
• He looks like a cross between Steve McQueen and James Dean. Seriously.
• He’s smarter than me.
• He’s trying really hard to like the football team with which I am irrationally obsessed.
• He will eat anything.

So, aside from the fact that guys like boobs, asses and sex – we seem to love very similar things in one another.

For once, I’m glad my theory was wrong.

And a TBD number of fake points if you know what that picture is this post’s picture.