…as far as I know.

Step 1: Consume a daily content cocktail of Deadline Hollywood, Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and Entertainment Weekly (In magazine form. Their website sucks).

Step 2: Arrive at the conclusion that if all these fools can sell a screenplay, so can I!

Step 3: Spend 4-6 months pitching your boyfriend anywhere from 0-56 film concepts a week.

Step 4: Deliver one, final master pitch of your high concept, multi-tone romantic comedy MY HUSBAND BETTY (based on a book that you intend to option once you figure out how much that sort of things costs) – the story of what happens when your husband informs you that he’d rather be your wife.

Step 5: Finally agree with your boyfriend that no one in their right mind is going to buy that film from you (yet!). Settle on your second best idea.

Step 6: Go to Staples on Hollywood Boulevard (I know! How adorably appropriate!) and buy one of those three-panel presentation poster board things plus multi-colored note cards in preparation for script outline development.

Step 7: Decide your closet doors are actually way more effective than the $9.99 piece of cardboard.

Step 8: Attempt to outline your entire film over the course of one Saturday afternoon because that’s the only free time you’ve had in the past six months.

Step 9: Fail.

(One week of very little sleep later)

Step 10: Remove your 100+, multi-colored post-it note scenes from the closet walls and place them in a very cute stack.

Step 11: Tweet a picture of your adorable movie!

Step 12: Transport your movie around in a post-it note sized clutch for a few days so you can make any changes at a moment’s notice. Tweet this too.

Step 13: Transfer your post-it notes into a Microsoft Word document. Call that document a “Beat Sheet.” Feel very, very cool.

Step 14: Re-read your post-it notes in Beat Sheet form. Realize 25% of it makes sense.

Repeat steps 8-14.

Step 15: Once approx. 75% of your Beat Sheet makes sense, send it to your boyfriend to review.

Step 16: Have a fight about the importance of correct grammar in the digital age. Lose.

Step 17: Edit your Beat Sheet. Forget to re-submit it to your boyfriend for approval.

Step 18: Watch this video 3-5 times.

Step 19: Send your Beat Sheet to the professional film development people who are helping you realize your screenwriting dreams.

Step 20: Decide you should spend some time actually determining whether or not you still have the ability to write while you wait for the professional film development people to respond.

Step 21: Select an appropriate First-Day-of-Screenwriting outfit. Remember, if what you wear = who you are and who you are = how you write then what you wear = how you write. That’s just math.

Step 22: Go to a very hipster cafe where men in Steampunk costumes serve Intelligentsia coffee.

Step 23: Order the cheapest item on the menu as you are a starving artist.

Step 24: Go to the top right of your 2008 Macbook and select “Turn Airport Off”

Step 25: Open Final Draft. Stare at blank, open Final draft document. Take blackberry pic of blank, open Final Draft document. Tweet it!

Step 26: Spend the next 1.5-2 hours writing 2.5-3 pages of your screenplay.

Step 27: Question your life goals.

Step 28: Go to the MelFax Flea Market to buy a better outfit for your next screenwriting session.