It happened on Friday, and I can’t say it was entirely my doing. It was technically Michael who started the whole thing, and if I had a nickel for every time that was the case I’d be a very rich woman (albeit with far fewer of my favorite clothes).
I’ve racked up over 7 full years on the Facebook and haven’t once included a relationship status. The way I see it (or saw it? no, still see it) there’s just too much involved.
And yet here I am, in a relationship on the Facebook. And it’s one of those major ones where the other person’s name is highlighted in blue inside my profile. The other person being R, of course, whose reaction to this whole ordeal is, “what’s the big deal.” Classic R.
To understand how and why this all went down we have to revisit that Michael-originated conversation. He lives an off-the-record g-chat life, so all I remember is that it started with an innocent, “hey, I noticed you’re not in a relationship on Facebook….how does R feel about that?” and ended with both of us declaring that Facebook is in a way like a modern engagement ring, alerting the world to the fact that your man/woman is taken. One of us said, “it’s more significant than moving in.” Our 17 year friendship has been prone to exaggeration.
Michael and I raised some valid points in our back-and-forth:
- Whose business is it if we’re in a relationship or not?
- Doesn’t everyone who matters already know?
- Is it or is it not lying to the virtual world about my actual life to not include it?
- Does the devastation of having to remove the relationship (hundreds of virtual eyes gawking! the wildly un-called for “OH NO! What happened??” comments! the horror!) outweigh the potential fight over refusing to include it?
- If I maintain the decision to leave it off now, when and why will I ever decide to include it? If we get engaged? (but that could be broken!) If we get married (but people get divorced!)
- And, the biggest question of all, what three random pictures will Mark Zuckerberg chose to represent our entire relationship if and when we finally go public???
“This is interesting,” I told Michael. “I guess I should talk to R about it. I certainly don’t want to be disrespectful to him by not including it.”
And with that decision I sealed my own fate. What follows is the conversation between R and I that ended with me being in a relationship on the Facebook. I’m posting this in its un-edited entirety to prove either how completely legitimate or completely illegitimate an issue this is. I still can’t decide.
–>
- me: hey
- R: hi
- me: does it bother you that we’re not in a relationship on Facebook?
- R: it doesn’t bother me no
- me: we never talked about it
- R: same
- me: it’s interesting
- R: i just never care about facebook
- me: I think I’ll write a blog post about it
- R: but let’s switch it over
- me: well…I don’t know
- R: hahaha
- me: well it’s not that it’s a really, really big deal
- R: i guess that’s true
- me: no, neither do I
- R: you guess?
- me: I guess I’d say, “with R__ ______”
- R: hahahaha as opposed to?
- me: as opposed to not saying anyone
- R: just the blanket “in a relationship?”
- me: right
- R: as if people wouldn’t connect it from the photos we have together
- me: right, true
- R: you are adorable
- me: one would argue that everyone I am friends with either knows you exist or certainly should
- R: i agree
- me: but in my mind I don’t want people being nosy about us
- R: the people i care about know
- me: …like I am nosy about other people on Facebook
- R: right / we put up photos of us, and I’m in your blog
- me: I have nothing to hide
- R: yes this is good
- me: …or everyone cares and there’s everything to judge
- R: hahahhahahah
- me: why are you laughing?
- R: because i love that you came up with the reverse to prove the same point
- me: it’s just as likely that it’s true
- R: yup, no more discussion
- me: I guess I have to accept
- Rob: maybe you do / up to you
- me: you tricked me into being your girlfriend AGAIN!
- R: sometimes you just got to move and not discuss
- me: what if I just post this whole conversation as the blog post?
- R: fine with me
- me: fine. I love you back, but I’m not posting that on your wall ever. too public.
You’re likely thinking one of several things after reading that exchange.
- This is a major issue, and every point Jessie raises is worth discussing.
- I can’t believe she caved. I haven’t and never will for various reasons that I will now post in the comments section of Jessie’s blog.
- Thank god this freak found a good guy willing to deal with her.
- Where did I go wrong in raising this bizarre child…? (hi Mom!)
- Are either of these people familiar with the concept of capital letters?
Or you’re thinking all of the above.
I’m currently thinking that the hype/worry was far overwhelming than the reality of life in a digitally confirmed relationship. I think another gchat convo – this one with my first little sister Dani (24) explains it best:
–>
- me: I’m in a relationship on the facebook
- dani: nice work
- me: I’m not wildly comfortable with it
- dani: why
- me: I’ve never been in one / feels like marriage / digital marriage / now I’m going to have to blog about it…
- dani: i just went into a relationship on facebook recently too / it’s just like easier
- me: interesting
- dani: it’s easier for me to link to kyle’s page / and i’m proud of my relationship / and i know you are too
- me: excellent points
- dani: now everyone knows you are in a loving relationship
- me: lovely / people have been “liking” it / that’s nice / except Matt “barf”-ed it
- dani: please / he is engaged / double barf
- me: truth
And there you have it. Now, let the judgment begin. Whether everyone cares and there’s everything to judge or no one cares and there’s nothing to judge, I’m very happy I accepted.
8 comments
Comments are closed.
This whole post made me laugh. Thank you! It is a big step to admit you’re in a relationship on FB and link to the person. Congrats!
I’m with you, I never had anything under “relationship” on FB since I first joined in 2004, I just kept it totally blank… only recently did I add my boyfriend of 1.5 years on there. But only after we moved in together (figured it was pretty official by that point, so why not make it “FB official”).
I just recently got out of a reltionship on the Facebook. It was horrible. The worst part is all the nosy people you haven’t spoken to in God knows how long all of a sudden have in a interest in your personal life. Oh well, that’s the price you pay for putting your business out there for the public to see. As a 23 year old, I don’t think I would do it again.
THANK YOU for understanding the agony of deciding to be in a FB relationship! I was in a relationship with my freshman year roommate my entire Facebook life until she got married last year and left me for her husband (lame!). Suddenly I had no excuse to not be in a FB relationship with my boyfriend of then five years… but even though we had been living together for a year plus also the previous four years of monogamy, I had a mini freak out. Though mini, the freak out did kind of ring an alarm bell, like why DO I care if I announce my relationship status to the world? Also it occurred to me that I might be awkwardly hit on less, which is always a plus. So I changed it, because I realized it is an important thing for a serious relationship, IF you’re a person like me who lives a good portion of her life online. It’s just important to know why it freaks you out to announce such a thing in a public forum when you have no problem revealing other this about yourself in the same sphere.
Anyway I’m very happy to have finally made the last commitment leap with the man I love, and I’m here to say it actually IS a big deal, so good for you!
Also the picture Mark Zuckerberg chose was HILARIOUS. And it was fun to get to update it to “in a domestic partnership with…”
Love everything about this – favorite part was “OMG! You did it.” Hahahaha!
I think you two are adorable 🙂
If you are looking for how to find a boyfriend just visit us and know about the tacts and ways to know how to find a boyfriend and how to satisfy your soulmate. You can find dating tips articles alongwith tips on how to find a boyfriend. Here you can know how to get him and how to make him happy with you and to keep him with you in a long term relation of pleasure.
To find a boyfriend
Bye Bye take care